when god doesn't make sense

i am really and thoroughly crazy. like the days keep passing and passing and i am like a dead thing hanging around and doing nothing feeling like a freak. like there is no purpose or aim in everything right. nobody wants to be together with me anymore. nobody smses or calls or go out with me anymore. like they have moved on to other things and i am not in their world anymore. like will they still talk to me when i dont talk to them. will they still remember i exist. i am so sad. i am effingly sad. really. like what is happening is really terrible and i know it but i cannot do anything to change it. and i failed the math test today there was like 5 question and i only know how to do 2. and there is chinese oral in 17 days or something. i feel like shit. i feel like empty. like nothing. i dont want to be me. dont want. like if i can just go back and redo everything again. then i will do properly. but now it is too late.cannot change anything already. everything is so screwed. how. i want to die so badly, now. i hate this life and everything that is happening around me. then i keep praying and praying and praying and miracles dont happen hor. and all i have is myself to talk to. like people keep saying dieing will not solve anything right, but at least once you are no longer alive people will forget the things you did and you no longer have to solve anything. right harharhar how i wish i was dead, then i can stop feeling like shit every single day. i hate myself. i hate my life. please help me. like what i doing not make any sense now. i am stoning into the com hear the song and stare stare stare some more then i go toilet and talk to myself. and my mother never scold me coz she dont care me anymore. i very pitiful. so i no need study anymore. coz my mother dont like me. then today got physics tuition. i go there dont understand anything basically just stare at the foolscap and pretend i understand everything with that stoned look. i hate school. i hate my life. i cant do anything about it. i dont like. i hate. ok. and i got no money today. i everyday got no money. so i cannot even go school. i got no money take train. i got no money take bus. not my fault already. i am not born to go to school. i am born to die. ok. now. tomorrow got chinese test. i must go and study. ok. i will.