Monday, August 27, 2012
let me die
i have this shit infection on the same leg just 3 cm away from the old wound what is this nonsense. maybe i have a skin disease. then i will grow to have this huge tumour on the leg then i can work at a circus showing off my abnormalities. going to see the doctor tomorrow. alone. i am all alone in this. what are friends for. dont need any friends.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
what have i done with my life
and now i hate myself because of what i have done. i have this paranoia problem and i am sad and angry and frustrated everyday. i am angry and hateful of everyone i dont know what to do about this problem that is going to affect me for the rest of the years in this world.
i am so angry and sad now i just want to sleep all day and night and for the rest of the time in this bed. maybe when i get older i wont ever come out of the house for fear of meeting people i know. it is traumatic to talk to people about things because i dont know what to say and i have to analyse if they are lying a not and i have to be careful of what i say and do as well it is so difficult and i am incapable of forming good friendships which is why i have caused so many misunderstandings. well so i have been a bitch to a very nice girl because of some stupid petty things and talking about it now would just make me seem all the more hypocritical and i dont know what to do either because the girl is so nice and kind to me but i cannot relate to it and see it as acts of hypocriticism now what have i done i have so many relationship problems i should just go off myself. even if i ask everyone to be straightforward and direct to me they probably wouldnt because thats lame and stupid as well. now things will never be the same here and the remaining time in this school are going to be horrible because of my stupid narrow minded perspectives of people but i cannot seem to change it because i have a problem with people and everything and i feel so sad and angry and stupid but i cannot explain why even though i can explain it it does not make sense and i sound lame and stupid and wu li qu nao.all my close friends are going to leave me and i will die alone. the cliche stuff like ' find friends who love you for who you are, not friends who love you for what you try to be' stuff like that is so not true because how can someone love a hypocritical ungrateful bitch . maybe the person can try to change to someone better and people can love the better person the person has change into and love the hypocritcal ungrateful bitch she once was as well how is that possible i really dont want to have any friends any more because it is so traumatizing and i just want to be left alone and everything like a reject because it is so painful and torturous to think of what people might think of me and what they think of me after they know what i think because that would only cause more problems we should just keep a safe distance from each other this is so sad i will never have close friends ever again
i am so angry and sad now i just want to sleep all day and night and for the rest of the time in this bed. maybe when i get older i wont ever come out of the house for fear of meeting people i know. it is traumatic to talk to people about things because i dont know what to say and i have to analyse if they are lying a not and i have to be careful of what i say and do as well it is so difficult and i am incapable of forming good friendships which is why i have caused so many misunderstandings. well so i have been a bitch to a very nice girl because of some stupid petty things and talking about it now would just make me seem all the more hypocritical and i dont know what to do either because the girl is so nice and kind to me but i cannot relate to it and see it as acts of hypocriticism now what have i done i have so many relationship problems i should just go off myself. even if i ask everyone to be straightforward and direct to me they probably wouldnt because thats lame and stupid as well. now things will never be the same here and the remaining time in this school are going to be horrible because of my stupid narrow minded perspectives of people but i cannot seem to change it because i have a problem with people and everything and i feel so sad and angry and stupid but i cannot explain why even though i can explain it it does not make sense and i sound lame and stupid and wu li qu nao.all my close friends are going to leave me and i will die alone. the cliche stuff like ' find friends who love you for who you are, not friends who love you for what you try to be' stuff like that is so not true because how can someone love a hypocritical ungrateful bitch . maybe the person can try to change to someone better and people can love the better person the person has change into and love the hypocritcal ungrateful bitch she once was as well how is that possible i really dont want to have any friends any more because it is so traumatizing and i just want to be left alone and everything like a reject because it is so painful and torturous to think of what people might think of me and what they think of me after they know what i think because that would only cause more problems we should just keep a safe distance from each other this is so sad i will never have close friends ever again
Monday, August 20, 2012
'She philosophically noted dates as they came past in the revolution of the year;...her own birthday; and every other day individualized by incidents in which she had taken the same share. She suddenly thought one afternoon, when looking in the glass at her fairness, that there was yet another date, of greater importance to her than those, that of her own death, when all those charms would have disappeared; a day which lay sly and unseen among all the other days of the year, giving no sign or sound when she annually passed over it; but not the less surely there. When was it?'
- Thomas Hardy, Tess of the d'Urbevilles
- Thomas Hardy, Tess of the d'Urbevilles
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)