ＴＨＥ LAST DAY

today.is the last day.of 2009.why do it has to ended.2010.is tomorrow.i hate it.
it looks disgusting.and weird.it is going to be a horrible horrible year.
hahaha. tomorrow. 010110.
what a complicated date.
darrence birthday.
samantha birthday.
aunt birthday.
:D
lucky people.
this house is like a breeding groundgot so many insect bites
i am permanently disfigured．like totally rotting
you know what.
we have 476 chinese words to learn before
040110.
its like a mantra．must know the meanings all this shit.and im at the 18th word．need to flip the thick stinky dict．for every single tiny pathetic word．i cannot.thereforei shall not.secondary 3.a horrible way to start the year
going to school.into a horrible classroomlistening to horrible sentences
rant>
there is no one to pei me
why must people be busy on new year's eve and new year's day
ahhhhh. 2009. 2009. 2009. 2009. 2009. 2009.
what a beautiful four digit combination.
NOW IT IS GOING TO FINISH AWAY.
my sister is a horrible thief.
you know what.
she readed my diary.the personal stuff..the dark secrets..the deep thoughts.now she knows every single thing.she is going to tell it to the mother.
see. SEE, SEE. SEEE.
my life is a disaster.
i will buy a new one.
i dont like my nose.
i want to change it. argh.
i feel disgusting and unattractive at school.

ＨＡＰＰＹ BIRTHDAYS ＩＮ ADVANCE darrence samantha and aunt.
LOVEＹＯＵLOTS＜３

I DO NOT LIKE THIS BLOG.
it is horribly horrible.
todayyy. i realise
i shall fail my math again next year.
because i do not understand the sec 2 stuff even
like. i cannot read graphs. i dunno what is gradient.
i is wasted.
wasted, wasted, wasted
like a thing that takes up space
that sucks up precious air that could be put to better use.
like an unwanted stepchild
UGH.
i hate school
currently i am trying to finish away the homeworks
that i has never did since the start of the holidays
actually i has never did anything since
SEE. i is unable to accomplish any thing.
today went out to Megan's house. it is very nice looking
haha then she tot me sec2 math (:
so nice right.
THANKS <3
isnt this nice. the 2009 is over soon.
i hate sec3. HATE IT.
i shall die so i dont have to accomplish anything ever again
like. wont we ever get SICK of STUDYING. so restrained by life. imprisoned in our own fates. my existence. is seriously a mistake. i do not want to exist.
YEAHHHHHHHHH. talking rubbish again.
i is seriously pathetic hahaha.
cannot sleep cannot sleep cannot sleep
i shall go think of some stupid things now
okay bye.
WHY DID THE GUY WIN THE SINGAPORE IDOL AGAIN IT IS SO DAMN UNFAIR EVERYTHING IS GUY GUY GUY. EVERY SINGING COMPETITION IS WINNED BY A GUY. THIS IS A BIASED COUNTRY I HATE IT. THIS IS FREAKING UNFAIR.
everything is so horribly horribly horribly wrong and twisted.
oh my goodness i feel like a disgusting worthless freak

rant>
okayy. i really messed up my lyfe. its horribly screwed up.
yeah. now what do i do.
there is no direction.
i do not want to go back to school.
it is a frightening place.
why must i go back.
the house is more frightening.
why must i stay here.
why must i live.
for what.
i feel disgusting.
i feel rotten.
i am horribly horribly lonely and lonely and pathetic
i have to spend my days alone
rotting
and waiting
i want to go out
OUT
OUT
with somebody
everyone not free only i the free one.
which is apparently why i am a.lone.
i need to find something to DO.
something to HOPE for.
something to LOVE.
haha saw this on tv mobile.
DO. go to school. and try to accomplish the impossible.
HOPE. cross my heart and hope to die.
LOVE. love the feeling of loneliness and patheticism

okay lol. what was that.
that was rubbish.
i have a rubbish lyfe.
can somebody come and pei me.
like now.
NOW
NOW
spending the days alone
is so not nice
i am going to spend new years day alone
just like christmas
why is it always like that
i want to see somebody
and go out
OUT OUT OUT
of this not nice place
this sucks
can something nice happen
i feel horrible and rotten
and keep thinking of stupid stuff
i cannot go to sleep
i shall go and bathe
then i shall continue to rot away
until somebody sees and comes and brings me out
my lyfe sux ttm.
okayyy. thankyou.
thankyou for putting up with my suckish attitude.
i have done so many horrible things.
but. still got people so nice to me.
haha.
weird right.
thankyous.
i love yous.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Grace Ooi craziest person in the whole entire world
Next year same class! (:
We are now same age. haha.
Stay happy always :)
may all your wishes come true :)
thanks for being there when i needed help :)
love you lots

rant>

you know what.
you know.
you know.
i have nothing to do
nothing that i want to do or can do
i am a sucky person
living an aimless lyfe
i do not like it.
do not do not do not do not
oh my goodness i am not talking sense
i hate everything that is happening right now
but however i am unable to do anything about it
i feel like a rotten person
I DO NOT. LIKE THIS. AT ALL.
what should i do what should i do what should i do

I WONDER.
one bad thing happens another
bad bad bad.
i have a BAD LYFE.

really really really
everyday is going to be spent alone alone alone

my lyfe sux ttm.
really
its disgusting and stupid
i do not see a meaning in it
what am i talking about?
i dont know
ALONEZXCSZZX
see. i am so damn extremely lame
and cannot talk properly
i am practically a hermit
rotting in the bed
in the house
how stupid
i hate this house
SEE.
i am pathetic.

Yesterday went out with SHARLENE. ;D
took neoprintz. then the machine. stupid machine.
print out all the same photo.
then all we decorate one
all is wasted
so we go and argue with the person
then she let us retake! (:
then went to school. saw XINYAN! (:
Buy school books. No school uniforms.
URGH. Samor our classrooms so far apart.
Dunno which block then is my classroom
the new school is like damn nice
almost all 2untians all in justice
classrooms so far apart one
dun even know where my classroom

LOL.
anyways
Coming back on sunday! :D
2 more days
GREAAAAAAAAAAT.
HAHAHA.
safely come back kay.
miss you loaaads

ps. cousin get well soon.
then can go and run ;D

that is right.
my life is horribly wasted.

HAHAHAHA.

i have made so many mistakes
that people do not
talk
to
me
anymore

what
can
i
say
or
do
to make
things right
again

i miss
the
past

i wish
for
a
wish

that
perhaps
i
could
return
to
the
past

then
perhaps
things
would
be
different

which
would
be
nice

i
got
nobody
to
talk
to

why
do
things
turn
out
this
way

i mus be very irritating
right
like
people
say

and annoying

anyways

thanks

my cousin

for lettng
me
use her
computer
to
type
this rubbish

okay bye

okay
bye
people
are
leaving

perhaps
i
should
too

why
do
people
not
talk
to
me

what
must
i
do

i feel
alone

alone

alone

alone

alone

was supposed to go to band concert yesterday
but i didnt
because

i dont know

people are gettin irritated wif me
not toking to me
i will try to stop forcing people to tok to me
buddhen
buddhen
i thought
i was improtant
or something
meant something
now
perhaps
i do not
anymore
dont know what to say to people
how to tok to them
how to understand
so
maybe
i should
just
keep quiet
and
not say
anything
anymore

this is my own fault
not being able
to
understand
to
try
instead
forcing people
pressurising people
to
understand me
to
accept me

being paranoid
and thinking to much
i should stop
stop
stop
stop

assuming
and thinking
must stop
but
unable to stop

now there is really no one to tok to
i need to apologise
but
it is too late
i try
to sms them
i think
they muz be really
irritated
and pissed

now
they do not reply my sms
i will stop
being
so desperate
i hope
that
i can

now
i have
lost
all my
friends
due to
my horrible
behaviour

now
i am
alone

i hope
that
the people
i have irritated etc.
can
still
friend me again

i am sorry

Today is father's birthday
will wish him happy birthday
happy birthday father
thanks for being my father
for so many years
hope you stay healthy
and live long long long
<3

i will stop feeling desperate
i will get a grip
i will stop thinking of things
i will stop whining about my life
i will stop being a selfish freak
and consider other peoples feelings


today.
actually had someone to msg
then
maybe i irritated the person so much
by toking rubbish
and being idiotic
being irritating
then the person stopped replying
i seriously cannot be understood
therefore
i get no friends left
take people for granted
make empty promises
dont understand people
dont know how to communicate with people
got so much to say
got so much to explain
but cannot
because i dont understand my friends
i want to sms them
tok to them
i cannot
i dont know what to say

and then
thanks people who listened to my whining
my complaining
desperation
putting up with my weird behaviour
thanks
Peining, Megan, Cheryl, Sharlene, Huimin, Jiasing, etc.
thanks

i did something really stupid
i tried to cut my fringe.
by myself
now its really ugly
so i better stay at home
and wallow in my sorrow

okay thats all
anyway nothing matters anymore
i hate
the freaking life
in this lonely planet
i feel
so dead

byebye

today is sister's 8th birthday
need to say happy birthday to her.
shall say it here
so when she perhaps sees it one day.
thn she will feel so touched.

Happy 8th Birthday sister.
May all your wishes come true.
<3

dammit.
i hate bein alone
feelings of desperation
and loneliness
and depression
and jealousy
etc.
pa-the-tic.

i wish someone wud ask me out
i wish someone wud sms me
i wish someone wud call me
i wish ppl wud lyk me
oh shit
its not gonna happen

it seems dat, everday, there are definitely things to be miserable about.
continued.
-i do not have a job, and therefore have no income and have to BEG for money and stuffff.
-it is evening
-nobody sms me again
-still cannot use computer
-going to fail next year
-is a failure
-hated by people
-people going away on holiday thn totally nobody to sms
-room is messy
-losing things
-cannot go for camp
-dont understand people
-cannot change feelings
-dont know how to talk to people properly
-dont know how to blog properly
-being confused
-being unimportant to people
-people lying
-lying to people
-nobody to talk to
-nobody wanting to talk to me
-feeling sad
-feeling meaningless
-feeling suicidal


...continued. i feel miserable. horrible terribly completely desperately miserable.

things to be depressed about.
-i have no friends
-i have nobody to go out with
-i cannot go out
-i am poor
-nobody sms me
-i cannot go to church
-nobody wanns to tok to me
-i fail math
-i am ugly
-i cannot use the computer
-the holidays are ending
-i am weird
-i do not understand things
-nobody toks to me
-i am alone
-i cannot tok to anybody
-people dunn like me
-it is evening
-i disappoint people
-i do not keep my promises
-i have to spend christmas alone
-i have to spend new year day alone
-i am ignored
-people call me a bitch
-my problems are unsolvable
-there is no way out of my problems
-people hate me
-i am a social reject
-i am paranoid
-my teachers do not like me
-i am posting my deepest thoughts on the internet which would make people think i am weirder
-i lose alot of friends
-because i am a freaking liar
-and freaking irritating



...to be continued. now i am going to try to sort out my life.
which is impossible.
i am so sorry
that i suck

ALONEZXCSXCSZ.
dis is all my fault
dat no one wanns to tok to me anymore

my life is so very screwed up cause i screwed it up myself and now its too late to do anything and i cannot change anything and i can only blame myself and do nothing cause nothing works

and i have does so many horrible things i shud go die

okay sorry.

i am lonely and left out
i feel so jealoussssssssssssss
nobodie wanns to tok to meeeeeee
i feel so jealoussssssssssssssss
can sombodie tok to meeeeeeeeeee
thx.
i am a wasted person with no aim in life
i am so lonelyyyyyy
and i have nobodieeeeeeeeee
goodnight ily.

i watched the movieeeee.
new mooooon.
haha. is like nice nice nice.


thanks for watching wif me.


iloveyou if you are reading this.

i wish someone will come online.
i wish someone will message me today, everyday.
i wish someone will call me today, everyday.
i wish someone will go out with me today, everyday.
kkaez. but obviously wishes dunn cum true ryt.
kkaez. christmas is cumming. buddhen agn. obviously i have to spend it alone agn ryt.
kkaez. i wann to go out. NOW.
wif the peoples tht i love <3
but i cnnt. i cnnt i cnnt i cnnt.
cux nobody wann go out wif me.
however hard i try.
oso cannot.
cannot change the way peoples feel about me.
later. maybe i can go out with a cousin.
i hope.
thn 2moro. maybe. i can go out with peoples tht i love <3
MAYBE.
if they wann to go out wif me.
kkaez.
i am so depressed. everyday is lyk a torture.

ALONEZXSXZCZS.
Ytd triiied to tok to sum1 but thn stopped rplying me aft a few sms.
See? is so pointless trying to tok to ppl.
O. why cant my life be like tht freaking twilight movie. I want to be Bella.
Kkaez. So ryt. i am so freaking lonely.
nobodie wud care if i am dead or alive cux i am a nothing and there4 unimportant to anybodie. hahahahaha.
currently i is stuck at hme. cux nobodie wanns to go out wit me. becux i am bawrin n irritatin and blah blah blah.
kkaez. i m awake doin nothin. cux im gd for nothin.
cux i sux.
kkaez bye.

i like chain mail.

YOU KNOWS.
There was a full moon yesterday. Like a round yellow banana. and then ya.Yesterday go out compasspoint with yy and then we went to the PARK to play the swing. and then cuz it was like 1030pm plus. got ppl making out at the playground there. then in the sand got rude words. so ya. then we reach home at 1045.

Ohkayyy. here is something written by MEE GAN. Its like damn good. REEEEEEEEAD IIIIT.

How did I become like this?' Morna asked, sitting on the bathroom floor-naked. 'how?'



A girl of no more than 16, pregnant with a child whose father she did not know


a drug abuser with criminal blod in her veins.



But still, she was a child.



Lonely, broken


She never looked up, her head was always bowed.



She was lonely, so lonely, wanting comfort, yet wanting to be left alone



Pulling her knees up to cover her bruised breats, she moaned



How did she become like this?



She wanted to start anew, but there was nothing to start from.


The foetus in her was growing, yet her world was chrinking.



An abusive father, a dead mother



a hundred boyfriends after her body.



She let out a low moan 'I'm scared'



'Your mother died because of you. You killed her.'



She was a strange child who feared touch



Her mother supposedly committed suicide because she had reached her limits



'She said she loved me. She said she loved Morna. She said I had to trust her'



Blamed with the death of her mother, she did not cry


Was not crying a sin? A sin whose punishment was to be shunned by all?



The only way to get attention was simple yet so demandeing - sex

Ravishing her body till it was covered with bruises, they too, said they loved her. 'He said he loved morna'

It's always the same isn't it? She had to be killed so many times just to live.


THE END.
So nice right.

HAHAHAS.
I am insane. ahahahas.
And also beyond cure.
Everyday its the same routine life, over and over again.
Put on this fake fake smile to show all these ppl.
Haiz. didnt get an sms from anyone since yesterday.
because i kept irritating them.so they dont friend me anymore. Haiz. need to stop dis behaviours.

WHEN WILL THIS MISERABLE LIFE END.

my existence was a mistake.
lonely lonely loonely lonooooooooony
dying from sadness and sorrow
okayyyyyyyyy.
i think its becuz i din forward all the chain mail so all dis is happening rite.
sorryyyy for blogging rubbish.i guess you dont wanna read anymore rite.
but i cannot think properly.

okay so bye.

I hate my hair.

But.

I hate my life even more.

How did I get here.
What have I done.

Everything is so so so so wrong.

I went for english tuition so that I could learn how to blog with nice worrrrds.
But they teach us the oceans of the world and trade routes for spices in the middle ages.
Then what is the point of going.
its 4 hours everyday for 2 weeks.
And i doesnt understood what the teacher is talked because he strings his words together.
I am wasting away learning nothing for 10 days.
I want to go ouuuuuuuut. But is stucked hereeeee.
Sharleneeeeeeeeeee. GO OUT WITH ME.
I want to go church.
BUT I CANNOT.
So lonely right.
I MIIIIIIIIIIISS MY PAAAAAAAAAST.
I MISS YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.
why are you HOT N COOOOOOLD.
and and, never sms for so long alreadyyyyyyy.


this sucks.



):

HELLO.
I am desperate for attention and care. I want lots and lots of it.
can i have it can i have it can i have it.
I want to go escape theme park.
YESYESYES.
can i go can i go can i go.
BORED BORED BORED.
LONELY LONELY LONELY.

HELLO. New Moon is coming out tomorrow.
I WANT TO WATCH IT.
okay I feel so damn lonely can? Can?
Everything in this damn sick world is a damn freaking lie.
okay bye bye

'driven into the despair of contradicting feelings, losing your mind, being twisted, is all that becomes of you'