I am talking. I am talking. I am in misery why wont you answer me. I sit behind the stupid face book screen staring back at me. Why do I do that. Then I scream into the pillow or hyperventilate to the wall. What. Yes the shock of face book. I have just discovered a freaking truth. A truth. Unbelievable truth but nevertheless still the truth . Shit man. So what if I know. Does it make a difference. Wont make a difference unless you know I know too. Why is the male population so lucky? Why do they get to serve national service. According to the secondary three social studies text book, the shared experiences, for example, going through military training during national service help to strengthen the bond among men. Then they also get paid for it. Then the females how. We are left lonely and divided and unbonded. And we got no benefits must pay adult fare and eat adult priced food. But ns men got benefits. Take public transport cheaper. Napfa run fast fast got money take. Female run fast fast fast fastest also no money take. Got use meh. Then got no friends also. And become fat coz no training. No bmt or what. Yah. Then kill ourselves by going slimming centre. Kanasai. Yah. Speaking of which I feel that people become faker after they go to church. Now faster hate me for saying this. I have decided to not give a fuck anymore because God forgives all sins is it. So everyone can sin to their hearts content and then in to church and be freaking forgiven. Why. And when you in to church you know more people. Naturally. (Of the opposite sex) so your love and friendship and care and attention is freaking divided. You cannot love everybody. Why? Because you not God. You human. You sinner. And as you jump and lift your hands to the high heavens you must be thinking. I wonder how good I look? I dont want to go anymore. I feel that the religion has been distorted terribly. (Yes note that I have been using i. Because this is my blog so this is about me me and me. ) And I know once people know what I am saying I will be judged and analysed and sued. But not so zai can go newspaper like jianglai. Coz my angmoh like sai. Okay anyway. Yes I believe in the bible. But why must people distort the religion like that. Go church why must wear nice nice. Wear shorts means dont respect god. Got dress code is it? Give us uniform year can? Wear pajamas go can anot. Never expose too much meat what. Hasnt God seen us in all states. Naked/dressed. Lastly. Bye. I am going to wallow in self pity now. And all of God's people say AMEN. I dont think you really give a shit to people who question the way you act. Because you are always right. Yeah you think God thinks you are right. In conclusion, because of the way I feel. I no longer have friends. I have to be taught how to feel. And you in go church, you 'know' more people. Seriously I envy you. (Which is why I am ranting here) you get more birthday wishes more presents more people for your entertainment more popular more help the benefits are limitless. But do you really know them. Or do you merely know of their existence and like a leech stick to them. Because we are all from the same church. And we gossip and judge people excessively. And if I ever go back to church again, I will be deemed a two faced bitch / despo pathetic creature wanting more friends/love and will never get it because come on, who gives a shit about shit?

watch the sunrise on your face

okay yah lah so anyway i damn pissed now. look whos miss pissy. yes me.
anyway today at library we had karaoke session! :D got songs like scissor sisters the beatles etc very naise. (Y) this symbol like represent something like very nice like that. makes me look cool also so i use it lor. ya ya. then the night study so many fireflies so i killed a few off. ya. but nevertheless. library is so fun. librarians can sing so well. like even oldies like beatles and scissor sisters and cao meng! (Y) (Y). sh0 happieeeee. but still i quite pissed because my name isnt written in the Book Of Life. this is so sad. i am so alone even when i talk to myself. even when i tell myself jokes it isnt funny anymore. perhaps i am the joke now. walao what can i do to not deserve this? but i very angry i want to talk about it to the blog and tell the world wide web. so i say a little prayer and hope my dreams will take me there. to see you once again my love. but no. anyway yeah the pe teacher scold me today lahh. everyday scold me coz i cannot run at the speed of light. then i complained at the last round lor. but i really got stomach egg lor. and i want to go toilet. but cannot must run finish first. even if you going to die must run finish then can die. okay neh mind. then must jump over some canteen benches. damn scary hor okay. like training circus animals without insurance! so i dare not jump and the teacher keep screaming. stop your nonsense blah blah dont always take the easy way out full of nonsense you continue like this you will get a stupid concussion. so i say back but its easy leh! and the stupid concussion make me stupid so i dont need come school lah got eternal mc. or get dc ( death certificate ). yes so unlucky right. i feel so sorry for myself lah. then i go and do my Olevel spa freaking wrongly. so today is the saddest day of my generation. in my family's history. and i got no one to share with you know? i only got me and myself. thats two friends. okay i make do with them first. yah so i effing pissed today. because got people like insult me. but is it i deserve it coz of the stupid way i carry myself. anyway nice people wont what. or they should like cant be bothered with me. so i quite angry anyway and want to explode like a volcano meets a tornado!
okay read this conversation.
so we were talking crap. then someone said this. ' i came in to st nicks through dsa hockey. ' ( because oral topic was tell me about a time when something didnt go as you planned. ) so i think the candidate wanted to talk about how she came in through dsa and academic results didnt go as planned. but its all made up lah its like a persona. but its okay what oral is not like must tell the truth what. you think national geographic or channel news asia is it. this is the noose man! anyway back to the reply of my source of anger. the examiner replied. 'hahahahahaha you dont even look like hockey player man. ' walao what talking you. you trying to say i not tanned not sporty enough? is it. or i cannot run properly or cannot throw ball or whatever. anyway i think its damn fucking insulting. but being the considerate 温文尔雅高贵大方 girl i am i never say anything lah. but now i very angry and i want to say this to youuu. the examiner. EH YOU DONT EVEN LOOK LIKE GIRL HOW YOU GET IN TO GIRLS SCHOOL AH. walao seriously i think even boys school dont want accept you because you dont look male also. look something like an in between like plastic surgery gone wrong? i suggest you go to the hospice and spend the rest of your life under the care of the nice social workers because you is going to die of fugliness soon.
theres a disease on your face called ugly. ( terminal disease )
like who are you to talk about others in such a derogatory manner when you are so much worse than them perhaps if you had shut up you would not seem so ugly anymore?
dont make your face look uglier than it already is. the reasons why people insult other people is only got two. is one. which applies to you hor. because they feel insecure about themselves and hence see the need to bring others down so that they can feel better. perverse no? or number two. which applies to me. because they want to give you a taste of your own medicine lor. even when you stand on the weighing machine and lets say it shows like 66kg you would blame the weighing machine for being faulty. whats this. why dont you just accept that you were born this way? ( Lady Gaga even dedicated a song to you ) what the heck.
okay. if next time i got no job you ( also confirm wont have one lah coz i so smart so pretty so tall so slim so sociable so kind no job leh how can you the complete opposite find a job unless got one job that requires english/chinese speaking animals)and i partner sure can earn alot money because everything you say is like a joke. and me blessed abundantly with this great sense of humour can make witty remarks about the things that come out of your mouth. ( refer above )
okay yup hence i end my rants-ing and the above story is completely fictional and bears no reference to characters living or dead any resemblance is a phenomenon because such a human being shouldnt exist in society. believing me is like believing Mount Faber is a mountain.

yah lah even though i rant finish still so miserable. eeyer. ):
am i being treated like sai? but sai is meant to be treated like sai what. but if you care for the sai right it can become fertiliser. so if you treat like a bad terrible fuck up lovingly etc one day the fuck up will become useful to you. dont give up on me. i'll meet you when my chores are done i dont know how long i'll be there but darling i'll never let you down darling wait and see. aiya all this is what i can remember. made a wrong turn once or twice dug my way out blood and fire.
so how. like tell me why lah. dont live me hanging. fun is it. tell me why you like that. why you so cold? the only thing i can do is meet you in my dreams or something? yah lah sound like a despo bitch i know. i need a slap and a stab too.
then dont have respect for me lah. not many people in this world do anyway. dont need respect. i not discipline mistress.
i might have been in love before but it never felt this strong.
eventually people will grow out of the things/people they love what right.
what if youre making me all that i was meant to be?
what about now? what about today? what if our love never went away? what if its lost behind words we could never find?
what happened to if you'd live positively enough we'd see?
now we're not even talking. and i tread the fragile catwalk between us.
yes i know there is no us but this is for my own reference can.
and the mosquito like to bite me alot nowadays. have i become sweeter?

You think you very smart. You flaunt your wealth your fake wealth what else your fake knowledge. Terrible. But you not smart one. Did you know slojd is a word. Do you know poi is a hawaiian pastry. And that ky means cows. Shows how shallow you are right. Fark you. I guess you dont know theres a disease on your face called ugly? You always say me for my flaws but you you are not any better. What is this. Go away lah. Anyway update on my life lor. To make you feel better about your existence right. Alot terrible thing happen to me lor. All I can say is I asked for it lah. I brought it upon myself. Hahaha. I always do that. Now I have no more money left. So eat what? Go to the dustbin and pick up some scraps of food lah. Then continue shitting on the place I sleep in coz I cannot afford sewage treatment.
跟你借的幸福　我只能还你　想留不能留　才最寂寞　心碎前一秒　用力的想拥着沉默　用心跳送你悲伤离歌　我像是你可有可无的影子　和寂寞交换着悲伤心事　对爱无计可施　这无味的日子　眼泪是唯一的奢侈　ok. Fuck off and leave me alone. Hopefully I will fuck off and leave you alone too. But most probably I wont. Therefore I am declared a chicken shit. Yup. Try to hold on. Just speak my name.

you are a laxative. you piss the shit out of me.

i like to shit on my bed

yes i think facebook is taking over the world. if facebook was a human being it should go to jail. because a lot of people use facebook as a medium to show off. like me. for example. it is a constitutional right for me. like for example if i win a competition i have to tell facebook. then people can praise me to the high heavens! :) YES! HIP HIP HOORAY FOR CLAUDIAAAA.

fuck you. why is it that. you have to think you are so smart.. even when you err you never blame yourself. what is your problem. you depress me till i go crazy you know?
let me give you an example of what you do. you try to aim a ball of rubbish at the dustbin. it doesnt go in, you dont blame it on your poor aiming skills. instead you say, it didnt go in because it hit the wall. (oh my god its the wall's fault! im going to sue it! it crushed my confidence! ) what the shit why cant you accept the fact that you were born this way. i am not one to comment because im not any better. but what. just like what you say better than you can already. righttt. okay i am not going to bother with you anymore. because i am in love with myself and need to spend more time with myself. because i am everything. i will make many facebook accounts under fake names and keep posting bootlicking stuff on my wall so i can show off too. and i know you will be freaking jealous of me because your life is conquered by facebook. haha. i will make 700 fake accounts and add myself. then i will have like 1200 plus friends and how jealous will you be!!! you will be mole-ly jealous.
shit man yes i admit im worse than pathetic but at least i dont cover it up manzx. i do not keep talking about people because i feel insecure about their statuses in my life.
the above shit is for my own reference only. believing me is like believing mount faber is a mountain.
oh shit nobody talks to my facebook wall i need to log in to my fake accounts now and post on my wall. baibaizxcs.
look at me. now. i have bad attitude and bad hair and bad breath and fat eyebags. and i drool when i sleep. anything else. sometimes im too lazy to go to the toilet so i just shit and pee on my bed. therefore i have pimples on my butt and numerous skin diseases. i am a disgusting animal and i should not go to school. you do not need to compare yourself to me and say how disgusting i am because there is no basis for comparison. it is like comparing yourself to like beasts? not even pigs. because pigs can be eaten but me i cannot be because i have lots of diseases. is that what you want? well that is what you are doing. because you see yourself as such. that makes you more pathetic than me you know. like youre worse than someone who is worse than pathetic. its very sad for you. yes. and when you smile. the whole world stops and stares for a while. you know why? because youre amazingly ugly just the way you are. im so mean omg. how how how? aiya but i never use name hor. i so cowardly manzx. i am talking about an imaginary creature! hahaha yes yes. so farnyyy. faster larf.

i feel like i am talking to myself. it makes me happy. its like i cant be myself until i am by myself.

i am totally unique.

one of a kind.

i am winded by this battle.

i have no key to your door. ( but i will find it and open your door )
to build a mind bridge towards you.
wishing it will span the angry swirls
of water churning beneath.

-gan see siong.

see even though i cannot construct proper sentences i can create masterpieces of poetry like this.

so you shut up.
one day you will analyse my work and me defined by the grade you get on you analysis of my worded diarrhoea.
YAY.

When i'm free, i like to suck a lemon

When i'm free, i like to suck a lemon.
angry angry angry. the poet uses repetition to emphasis on his increasing anger. if you dy/dx his angriness you will get an increasing function. his anger is like an exponential graph. no i mean her. she.
walaooooooooo.
my father fucked my mother right. and my mother gave birth to a fucker like me. therefore my life is fucked up. what is fuckery's sake is this.
i hate my life ahahahaha.
i want to get the first word squeezy. or quartzy. then i can get 126 points. i will be a scrabble goddess. memorise the dictionary got use mehhh. no have. he dont like my face what can i do. cant change it. but also no need so sarcastic hor.
you know how to play scrabble you very great is it. your fart is perfume is it. eeyer. scrabble sucks. scrabble is not even a word. hrrrmphs.
i will flaunt my wealth smartness. it is a constitutional right. we are all ego-nickstic.
i ooze smartness. my sweat has a smart aroma. bask in my sweat man!
walaoooooo.
I AM SO ANGRY AND PISSED I WANT TO EAT YOUR EYEBALLS.
shuttuppppppp.
gfyfuygiuhouie.
one day i wil know how to draw exponential graphs and gold plate copper door knobs.
yes yes yes.
but one day we're all just going to die so it doesnt matter at all.
because in heaven i know there is no such thing as additional math electrolysis magnetism alkenes alkanes. i dont think there is chinese even.
so does it matter, start planning for you eternal life now, die early! preferably nowwww.