talking about hard times

well, this is my own fault. i wanted to buy things. i wanted to spend money on shit, and more shit that i'm probably never going to use, or rarely use. so i deserve to be in debt. i didnt say i want to go thailand on freaking chinese lunar new year. so if there is no want, how come i want to buy so many things/shit there.
deserve it, totally.
my fault for talking to you, for reciprocating in a conversation. then agree to go out with you get interested in your life then like you very very much and look where i am now.
it all started with a msn.
my fault. my fault to have continued to talk.
okay anyway. back to talking about hard times. there is a lizard shit stain that is hard to wipe off so i had a hard time trying to wipe it off.
just like some people, like this stain, very hard to change, very hard to get them to get out of their old life and 勇敢去嘗試. they refuse to try, because they think. they perceive the consequence to be as such.. so as they be(lie)ve in themselves. good. believe in yourself. yeah, its like they believe that a mammoth tastes better than a chicken when they dont even know what a mammoth tastes like because no one has seen a mammoth let alone eat it.
so the stain is like this person. like you.
yes, you.
you wont get out of your life and try it. because you see me as such, you judge me as such, i am not your type so you dont want to get involved in my business.
okay like this stain. refuse to come off. but i try to wipe it off very hardly.
i used the toilet cleaner with a floral fragrance from Giant to wipe it off . nope still there. lizard shit is very resistant.
okay nevermind, i will buy the Cif magic cleaner from ntuc fairprice to wipe it off. if i wipe it off successfully i shall believe that it is a blessing from the heavens and hells ( curse? ) that i would be able to have you involved in my business and life. business life.
yes, i hope so.
i have read 6 year old blog. every single post in this six years i have read all.okay. i cannot say that i remember it word for word or sentence for sentence. not even paragraph for paragraph. however i remember excerpts. like how you write your stories and how you pity harry potter and how you went back to primary school in secondary school and teacher said you've grown up. and how you hate this guy for sleeping in the room for the girls during class gathering how you feel that guys should not be fighting with girls over room and blankets. and how it is when girls cry when they do something wrong and then suddenly, its not their fault anymore. whoever who wrote this is a pussy you said.
so i never never cry in front of you because it will just justify my wrongdoings. then i will be forever slime in your eyes.
this is what makes you special.
i do not know how long i will continue in this crazy act of liking you and doing crazy shit that turns you off but i know that i want to see more of you even though what hurts the most was being so close and having so much to say and watching you walk away.
living with this regret.
there's this teenage girl on the Tyra Banks show who wants to get pregnant very much, because she thinks that 'the baby will bring her and her ex boyfriend closer together.'
then tyra banks said 'that sounds stupid'
and many people in the audience were disgusted, and the girl's mum cried like crazy saying' oh my baby, my poor baby'
okay this girl is definitely immature, and the way that she loves this guy is mad because the baby is only going to create more problems financial problems, stress, time, and how is she going to go to school blah blah, and not to mention what the baby will do to her sexy pre-pregnancy body, maybe the guy wont want her anymore because of her post-pregnancy fats wrinkles stretch marks and blah.
so im definitely not going to resort to this, but i am going to try my best, like i know things that are not yours cannot force. 不世伱的僦不偠免墙( the chinese settings are screwed up but you get what i mean )
perhaps you think that the period of time i <3 you is not enough i am not going to keep <3ing you just to prove my point back in year 2010, but yes let nature take its course, with some man-made infrastructure.
i listen to chen yi xun songs and i like them very much, not because you listen to them so i also go and listen so i can relate to you better but because i like his songs and i have watched his movies before. so look, dont we have a lot in common? have you heard his 明年今日? maybe i'll be like the male protagonist and sixty years later, you dont belong to me ( you already dont ) okay you belong to someone else but i hope i recognise your children.
但愿认得出你的子女
i found that song when i was searching 'sad chinese love songs' on youtube so dont say i copy you. and i have memorised the song and copied down the lyrics. see? you like to copy meaningful quotes from books and i like to copy meaningful lyrics. do i suit you? am i your type?
why wont you give me a chance to show that i am a person with feelings
a good person, worthy of your time and relationship
i know i cannot 为你付出and blah like all the love songs moan about because i do not know what you need or what i can give is not what you need but how?

this is how i feel.

hard times.
i have freaked you out. pissed you off and all the taboo things i have done.
brought it upon myself.

sad pissed angry ( SPA )

yesterday 7 jan 2012 i am very SPA
because got this bloody bitchy woman say i give her face.
walao please lah. prease lah. my face so nice give you for what.
she kept asking me to give her warm water and i was like wait. then i put my five fingers up and give the stop sign. she dont understand because she very stupid. so whatever. and she got 2 chewren. one very very fat girl. like 7 years old. ( and she was wearing a freaking ballerina dress. ) yuck. is cinderella fat?
nope. duh.
and another boy who thinks is michael jackson and keeps doing shit moves on the floor while the waitresses were serving hot food. walao eh kanasai. then we spill the food coz of this shit human being become our fault lah.
then the woman told the manager i dont want to serve her. SHIT YOU. and she samor say i give her face. walao walao walao. BITCH.
shit man i hope she gets fired from her job and have to live in a one-room flat.
then the manager say oh maybe because the customer AKA BITCH dont like your face. maybe your face make her angry. walao God made me this way. so you dont like God lah. He also dont like you yeah. thats why he give you fat and dumb shit as chewren.
and did i forget to add that she has a super old man thats old enough to be her father as her husband? okay so she married a sugar daddy. hope she gets diabetes soonest.
the man is super old and resembles a bull dog. he has puffy cheeks and a bulbous nose and wrinkled skin. big-time pig-time
have you seen him? a big fat mother fucker walking around oh my god a huge pile of redundant protoplasm. immense, big sized massive belly and a big fat fucking ass
and as you look at him you wonder, how does this man take a shit?
and even more frightening, how does he wipe his ass? can he even locate his asshole? he must require assistance! are paramedics trained in this field?
his monstrous swollen beer belly hanging dangerously low over his poor belt buckle
and as you stand before the two of them you begin to wonder to yourself, do this people fuck?
is this man actually capable of fucking this woman? it doesn't seem structurally possible that these two people could achieve penetration. how did these two chewren come about?
God help us.
Jesus Lord, protector of all that is good and holy, deliver me from fat people and fat chewren
okay.
this is the life of a low life worker.
goodbye.
i might die soon.
tomorrow..