everyone is saving me. everyone is helping me live properly.
but i cant. why cant i. my life is a mistake.
it was not supposed to happen.
i need to die. now.
empty like a sack of shit.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
i need to type alot of f words because i feel like fuck now really. everything is fuck. fuck everything really. like what the fuck is wrong with my life. it is fucking terrible i must fucking say. i must insert fuck everywhere i can because i can. anyway i need to use a lot of f words because now got nobody care me and i need to talk to myself and using f words can make that process more bearable ):
and today is the saddest day in the 21st century okay. i need to see a fucking therapist and have anger management and emotion management and alot of managements ): it is so terrible to be me ): i need to shut up this minute and stop using fuck. okay i will stop okay. but i am very very very sad now. i am very sad but it is all my fault because i have brought all this shit upon myself ): and so i am really really pathetic now. i have officially turned into a sack of shit and it is an irreversible change ): oh how more sucky can this get ): i am very angry how. i need to go and tear alot of things up and say many strings of f words. i have become a monster ): terrible.
why is my life likethis ):
i have become a pathetic lone freaky fiend who has lost all its friends ):
yeah so.
so right.
i have a disgusting life. i need to go to the saddest place in the world and die there sadly. thats so sad.
and then. what will become of me. my life is bleak without any prospects.. i dont care if i die or what lah okay. living like shit is shitty. then what am i sticking around for. i must run away. i cannot live in a world with math and trigonometry and heat capacities and napfa and pe quizzes and hate and lies and hurt and pain. cannot cannot. okay bye. i need to do something with my life really. i dont know. fuck
and today is the saddest day in the 21st century okay. i need to see a fucking therapist and have anger management and emotion management and alot of managements ): it is so terrible to be me ): i need to shut up this minute and stop using fuck. okay i will stop okay. but i am very very very sad now. i am very sad but it is all my fault because i have brought all this shit upon myself ): and so i am really really pathetic now. i have officially turned into a sack of shit and it is an irreversible change ): oh how more sucky can this get ): i am very angry how. i need to go and tear alot of things up and say many strings of f words. i have become a monster ): terrible.
why is my life likethis ):
i have become a pathetic lone freaky fiend who has lost all its friends ):
yeah so.
so right.
i have a disgusting life. i need to go to the saddest place in the world and die there sadly. thats so sad.
and then. what will become of me. my life is bleak without any prospects.. i dont care if i die or what lah okay. living like shit is shitty. then what am i sticking around for. i must run away. i cannot live in a world with math and trigonometry and heat capacities and napfa and pe quizzes and hate and lies and hurt and pain. cannot cannot. okay bye. i need to do something with my life really. i dont know. fuck
Saturday, August 21, 2010
I cannot anymore. I suck. I never do what I need to do. How what should I do with myself. I did not choose to be alive and cannot choose to die also. Either way I suck. Yeah I am fucking weird. Do you think I like to be likethis. I hate this. I dont even understand myself. Why. Why go have hope etc. Like Fuck. Go be(lie)ve for what. Need love for what. 'love is magical comfort food for the weak and uneducated.' I need lots of love man. Need. Hence I suck. I cant die, cannot be so irresponsible and leave parents alone in the world. I am fucking tired of being a weird miserable failure already. I know not of what to do. What is going to happen. Every night I evaluate analyse and assess reasons about what to do etc. Nothing works anymore. I am going to be always alone always, because no one understands me nor do I understand myself. I should screw myself and die. I hate me really. How many more times will I fail before I die. I cannot keep sticking around on earth alive without purpose.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
i need to get out of school and go to the saddest part of the world and meditate and get over myself. i hate myself. i need to get over myself. i need to not be myself. i cannot live like this anymore. i very scared.
nobody going to friend me. likethis. likethat. no more friends already due to my terribleness, shit this. i cannot do anything lah. i do not give a fuck anymore lah okay. because i am still going to die in the end. i cannot stand it already lah. i also cannot sit it. what to do now? got this competition called the physics air race competition and it is terrible. i am going to become a disgrace to the school. no i have already became a disgrace. i am a disgrace to school man. i am the black colour sheep. i wont get dirty one because i already dirty. and nobody likes me. i am a friendless fiend. why is life likethis. why must it be against me everyday. it is terrible. then i become very weird, i cannot think properly i cannot concentrate properly. look. i hate my disgusting life. despicable me.
nobody going to friend me. likethis. likethat. no more friends already due to my terribleness, shit this. i cannot do anything lah. i do not give a fuck anymore lah okay. because i am still going to die in the end. i cannot stand it already lah. i also cannot sit it. what to do now? got this competition called the physics air race competition and it is terrible. i am going to become a disgrace to the school. no i have already became a disgrace. i am a disgrace to school man. i am the black colour sheep. i wont get dirty one because i already dirty. and nobody likes me. i am a friendless fiend. why is life likethis. why must it be against me everyday. it is terrible. then i become very weird, i cannot think properly i cannot concentrate properly. look. i hate my disgusting life. despicable me.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
okay you know what. i give up. i give up on my fucking life and trying to make stuff work out. i give up on trying to pass math. i have been trying for 2.5 fucking years. it is not going to work out what. i am not meant to pass math. right. it is destined. it is fate. i cannot change it. i must stop trying. if not i will die in the process and i will never get to eat ice cream again.
there is no love. i cannot stand myself. there are seriously problems with me. then i bring the problems to other people right. so i cannot do anything correctly. how to. empty empty empty. how nice it would be if i no longer alive. i wish i was blind so i do not have to see all this tragedies all these big fake smiles and stupid math questions with ambiguous solutions and the terrible results. i wish i was deaf, so i do not have to hear you tell me all the tragedies and the sad sad truth that i am never going to be happy. and lastly i wish i was retarded, so i do not have to make sense of what the fuck is going on anywhere at anytime. and i dont have to understand myself and what i am thinking and keep think of explanations for all this fuck.
yeah i am so fucking inferior. so fucking weird. so different. like a fucking mutant. hateful in the sight of god. which is why he doesnt love me. oh shit i am invaded by satan now or what. i am so fucking scared. i cannot be normal. i cannot think normal. actually i tried to think normal. i thought normal at first. then it got messed up. now i think weird. yeah okay. okay i am a freak. run away. dont talk to me. leave me alone ahahaha. what the heck.
yeah i am so fucking inferior. so fucking weird. so different. like a fucking mutant. hateful in the sight of god. which is why he doesnt love me. oh shit i am invaded by satan now or what. i am so fucking scared. i cannot be normal. i cannot think normal. actually i tried to think normal. i thought normal at first. then it got messed up. now i think weird. yeah okay. okay i am a freak. run away. dont talk to me. leave me alone ahahaha. what the heck.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
today is the saddest day of my life.
i realise no one is ever going to give a shit about me and they cannot give a shit about me even though they want to,
it is damn obvious already, no one is obliged to love me let alone give a fuck about me.
there is no love.
it has evaporated and cannot condense because there is a drought and a long period of dry weather. fuck it.
i dont want to go to heaven then come back down to hell again.
i rather stay in hell forever.
there is no use being happy. there is no need to pursue happiness because the pursuit of happiness is what makes us miserable in the first place.
if only we stopped trying to be happy. we'd have a pretty good time.
but i try so fucking hard to get what is not meant to be.
screw me. my life is so fucked lah.
today i went to the saddest place in the universe. and i go there and i wanted to die so fucking badly lah, then i started to sleep. sleep. shui jiao. how can i do that right, i cannot be a proper human being, i cannot live properly. i cannot meet expectations, i am far behind. i am lost. i am gone. now i dont understand a single thingi hate math. i hate it. hate it. i will go and sleep with my books. then i can become smarter. i have a serious incurable disease. its called retardation. hmmz. fuck life.
i realise no one is ever going to give a shit about me and they cannot give a shit about me even though they want to,
it is damn obvious already, no one is obliged to love me let alone give a fuck about me.
there is no love.
it has evaporated and cannot condense because there is a drought and a long period of dry weather. fuck it.
i dont want to go to heaven then come back down to hell again.
i rather stay in hell forever.
there is no use being happy. there is no need to pursue happiness because the pursuit of happiness is what makes us miserable in the first place.
if only we stopped trying to be happy. we'd have a pretty good time.
but i try so fucking hard to get what is not meant to be.
screw me. my life is so fucked lah.
today i went to the saddest place in the universe. and i go there and i wanted to die so fucking badly lah, then i started to sleep. sleep. shui jiao. how can i do that right, i cannot be a proper human being, i cannot live properly. i cannot meet expectations, i am far behind. i am lost. i am gone. now i dont understand a single thingi hate math. i hate it. hate it. i will go and sleep with my books. then i can become smarter. i have a serious incurable disease. its called retardation. hmmz. fuck life.
Friday, August 13, 2010
everyone is saving me.
i'm a worthless human being.
i know why i am so sad everyday.
i go to sad places everyday. like school. its the saddest place in the world. next is the mavis tuition place. then i do sad things. like math. math is the saddest thing that ever happened to mankind. yeahh then i come back home. it is the third saddest place in the world. then i see sad things. how. fml. fml fml.
hellow andreaaa. i <3 youu. I <3 you. ytd i sleep with my math textbook. it didnt work ): stupid stupid. i am still not going to pass math? why likethis. my life is shit. shit. tormented tortured shit. ):
seriously right what is my problem.
this is the climax of my life. the climax is progressing manzx.
and and. ):
everything depresses me.
thinking thinking thinking. ):
what to do now.
free writing.
i will do free writing.
i keep spending money when i am very angry/pissed. i buy rubbish. like pens and paper and highlighters and pencils. now i have become very poor.
and then when i become until very sad i will keep eating rubbish. like peanut butter and butter and milo powder and sugar and salt. what the heck right.
i need to go and study now.
bye bye. i think i cannot study lor.i just keep staring at the questions for hours. yuck. despicable me. i am despicable.
now i must do the saddest things in the world now.
bye bye.
i'm a worthless human being.
i know why i am so sad everyday.
i go to sad places everyday. like school. its the saddest place in the world. next is the mavis tuition place. then i do sad things. like math. math is the saddest thing that ever happened to mankind. yeahh then i come back home. it is the third saddest place in the world. then i see sad things. how. fml. fml fml.
hellow andreaaa. i <3 youu. I <3 you. ytd i sleep with my math textbook. it didnt work ): stupid stupid. i am still not going to pass math? why likethis. my life is shit. shit. tormented tortured shit. ):
seriously right what is my problem.
this is the climax of my life. the climax is progressing manzx.
and and. ):
everything depresses me.
thinking thinking thinking. ):
what to do now.
free writing.
i will do free writing.
i keep spending money when i am very angry/pissed. i buy rubbish. like pens and paper and highlighters and pencils. now i have become very poor.
and then when i become until very sad i will keep eating rubbish. like peanut butter and butter and milo powder and sugar and salt. what the heck right.
i need to go and study now.
bye bye. i think i cannot study lor.i just keep staring at the questions for hours. yuck. despicable me. i am despicable.
now i must do the saddest things in the world now.
bye bye.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
i have lost my mind and therefore cannot study.
i will stop studying.
i cannot.
i dont want.
i want to eat and sleep and eat and sleep and shit and sleep and eat and sleep some more.
i cannot pass math. i cannot. why i cannot. why.
why must this happen to me. make it stop. make it stop happening.
my life sucks okay, i dont even have a life.
i am disgusting and i live disgustingly i am a human disaster and there are no measures to reduce the impact of me on my life
i will stop studying.
i cannot.
i dont want.
i want to eat and sleep and eat and sleep and shit and sleep and eat and sleep some more.
i cannot pass math. i cannot. why i cannot. why.
why must this happen to me. make it stop. make it stop happening.
my life sucks okay, i dont even have a life.
i am disgusting and i live disgustingly i am a human disaster and there are no measures to reduce the impact of me on my life
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
pathetic - ism
today is the saddest day of my life. really really. what the fuck lah right okay. today got two fucking test like geog and physics. what the heck is geog right. i wrote like rubbish for geog BECAUSE I STUDY THE WRONG CHAPTER. walao waste my memory space! the stewpeed eguatorial climate and climograph and convectional rain and relief rain ALL NEVER COME OUT. and they ask what negative impact flooding has on the environment. i wrote like, plants cannot survive in excess water they will drown. what the heck i forgot everything ): and my xiaoyou and andria went home ): super sad okay. and my suyuan started crying so all was very very sad and depressing. okay fuck. fucky fucky fuck.
and then. i go home that time. then i go home. raining man. what the shit. the heavens also dont like me you knows. then i take the bus. and the bus never wait for me. so i have to take the next bus. so bad. they discriminate against me. then i go home. yes. and then i must go return the cds for my mummy. and so i walk to the hougang mall because i too poor to take a fucking bus. and then and then. i return already right..
i look and the cds. then i saw this vvvvv nice show called Dear John. its a vvvv nice movie. educational and romantic and loving and vvv nice. AND IT IS NC16. then the woman down there say i cannot borrow. even though i was willing to pay four fucking dollars for it. she say must 16 then can borrow. i feel so sad okay. i want to cry. i do not even have the right to watch a fucking movie. she say must have mother or father come take then can. is there a difference. THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE.
i am still going to watch it what right. discriminate against age. 15 very young meh. huh. what the heck. according to the much more accurate chinese calendar i am like 17 okay okay. how can this happen to me. got people 15 can watch nc16 m18 and r21 movies in the cinemas okay. why i cannot dear john. why why why. i am being treated unfairly. my sister is like 9 years old and she watches the orphan. she so young should be watching cartoons right. why she can i cannot. and then also got people can go online watch porn right. also no need show ic. huh. why i cannot watch dear john. all the romantic movie is all nc16. this is shit ok. at 15 we have to learn stupid physics and learn about temperature and climates and stupid internal conflicts and go and understand that when you put your hand on the table and the table is exerting a force on you. which means the table is like alive. how can a 15 year old brain understand this shit and we can even watch educational videos on underage sex during CME sex education THEN WHY I CANNOT WATCH DEAR JOHN. what the fuck is this. fml fml fml
i want to watch dear john ok. there is so much love in it. why cannot watch. love is need to be spreaded around one ok.
how can this happen to me. everything always happen to me hor. everything that is vvvvv bad. see i can only watch cartoons like barney and winnie the pooh ( which is vv disgusting because the pooh keeps smelling the piglets butt and the pooh is boy and the piglet is girl ok ) shouldnt winnie the pooh be nc16. harh. whatthefuck. and teenage. teenage is porn ok. "17 and sex in public toilets" WHAT THE HECK IS THIS MAN. and primary school chewren are allowed to buy it. "hi i am a loyal fan of yours and have been reading your column since p3" and this person goes on talking about how she loses her virginity etc etc. then other chewren read about it and go and try it. isnt this worse than watching romantic nc16 movies by nicholas sparks. why they can read porn and i cannot watch dear john. why why why.
so isnt today a really really really sad day. i failed physics and geog and i study until my brain exploded. and then i got v disgusting for math also which is lowest in class maybe lowest in cohort too. walao. so screwed. or unscrewed. my brain is unscrewed. shit.
shit shit shit. and i got no phone. phoneless friendless fiend ):
STUPID EOYS STUPID STUPID STUPID.
i really really really going to retain.
my mother will kill me so i must kill myself first.
i suck. how. what should i do with myself. i feel very disgusted being me.
cannot do maaaaath cannot cannot cannot ): so depressing i only passed like 5 math tests since sec 1.
shit. and i cannot study coz i watch ghost show. i v scared the ghost ):
and florence says i need to go icu in imh coz i am really mental. ):
stupid sucky school. ):
saddest day of my life );
and then i dont know how to thank the ppl who help me until so much ): teach me math physics chem geog wake me up in class etc. ( andrea xiaoyou kiayuen grace florence melissa maryanne lokyan siowpin fangwei xinrong yinsiang andria joey etc etc. )
never let me be alone. ):
what if next year i can no longer see them ): ): then how then how then how.
): FMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFML
fuck fuck fuck. i hate coming home, like shit like that. there is no love. can we all just go and die or something. then can make the headlines right.
i must shut up now. i am very irritating. byebye. i hate myself.
i wonder how long will it be before i get to see you again? ):
how to say. i wish i got more to say manzx. i like it when you smile :) i like it when you laugh at what i say :) you laughter and smile is v nice. you are awesome. you have a great smile and great laughter and you should smile and laugh everyday. you are great. you have powerful features and beautiful eyes. you have a fantastic mustache. im not kidding. you are amazing.
i want to see you smile everyday :) lolololol validation
where is you. where is you. where is you. ):
i very tired i dont want go school i want stay in a hole and die.
ok bye.
and then. i go home that time. then i go home. raining man. what the shit. the heavens also dont like me you knows. then i take the bus. and the bus never wait for me. so i have to take the next bus. so bad. they discriminate against me. then i go home. yes. and then i must go return the cds for my mummy. and so i walk to the hougang mall because i too poor to take a fucking bus. and then and then. i return already right..
i look and the cds. then i saw this vvvvv nice show called Dear John. its a vvvv nice movie. educational and romantic and loving and vvv nice. AND IT IS NC16. then the woman down there say i cannot borrow. even though i was willing to pay four fucking dollars for it. she say must 16 then can borrow. i feel so sad okay. i want to cry. i do not even have the right to watch a fucking movie. she say must have mother or father come take then can. is there a difference. THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE.
i am still going to watch it what right. discriminate against age. 15 very young meh. huh. what the heck. according to the much more accurate chinese calendar i am like 17 okay okay. how can this happen to me. got people 15 can watch nc16 m18 and r21 movies in the cinemas okay. why i cannot dear john. why why why. i am being treated unfairly. my sister is like 9 years old and she watches the orphan. she so young should be watching cartoons right. why she can i cannot. and then also got people can go online watch porn right. also no need show ic. huh. why i cannot watch dear john. all the romantic movie is all nc16. this is shit ok. at 15 we have to learn stupid physics and learn about temperature and climates and stupid internal conflicts and go and understand that when you put your hand on the table and the table is exerting a force on you. which means the table is like alive. how can a 15 year old brain understand this shit and we can even watch educational videos on underage sex during CME sex education THEN WHY I CANNOT WATCH DEAR JOHN. what the fuck is this. fml fml fml
i want to watch dear john ok. there is so much love in it. why cannot watch. love is need to be spreaded around one ok.
how can this happen to me. everything always happen to me hor. everything that is vvvvv bad. see i can only watch cartoons like barney and winnie the pooh ( which is vv disgusting because the pooh keeps smelling the piglets butt and the pooh is boy and the piglet is girl ok ) shouldnt winnie the pooh be nc16. harh. whatthefuck. and teenage. teenage is porn ok. "17 and sex in public toilets" WHAT THE HECK IS THIS MAN. and primary school chewren are allowed to buy it. "hi i am a loyal fan of yours and have been reading your column since p3" and this person goes on talking about how she loses her virginity etc etc. then other chewren read about it and go and try it. isnt this worse than watching romantic nc16 movies by nicholas sparks. why they can read porn and i cannot watch dear john. why why why.
so isnt today a really really really sad day. i failed physics and geog and i study until my brain exploded. and then i got v disgusting for math also which is lowest in class maybe lowest in cohort too. walao. so screwed. or unscrewed. my brain is unscrewed. shit.
shit shit shit. and i got no phone. phoneless friendless fiend ):
STUPID EOYS STUPID STUPID STUPID.
i really really really going to retain.
my mother will kill me so i must kill myself first.
i suck. how. what should i do with myself. i feel very disgusted being me.
cannot do maaaaath cannot cannot cannot ): so depressing i only passed like 5 math tests since sec 1.
shit. and i cannot study coz i watch ghost show. i v scared the ghost ):
and florence says i need to go icu in imh coz i am really mental. ):
stupid sucky school. ):
saddest day of my life );
and then i dont know how to thank the ppl who help me until so much ): teach me math physics chem geog wake me up in class etc. ( andrea xiaoyou kiayuen grace florence melissa maryanne lokyan siowpin fangwei xinrong yinsiang andria joey etc etc. )
never let me be alone. ):
what if next year i can no longer see them ): ): then how then how then how.
): FMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFML
fuck fuck fuck. i hate coming home, like shit like that. there is no love. can we all just go and die or something. then can make the headlines right.
i must shut up now. i am very irritating. byebye. i hate myself.
i wonder how long will it be before i get to see you again? ):
how to say. i wish i got more to say manzx. i like it when you smile :) i like it when you laugh at what i say :) you laughter and smile is v nice. you are awesome. you have a great smile and great laughter and you should smile and laugh everyday. you are great. you have powerful features and beautiful eyes. you have a fantastic mustache. im not kidding. you are amazing.
i want to see you smile everyday :) lolololol validation
where is you. where is you. where is you. ):
i very tired i dont want go school i want stay in a hole and die.
ok bye.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Monday, August 2, 2010
i feel very sad now. i feel unwanted, rejected and hurt.
you know what is sad? is like depression. like sorrow. feelings of extreme inferiority and suicides etc.
i just came back leh. i think i am really not normal. i also dont know why i so late come back lah ok. i also dont like that i dont know.
oh yah. i hate my piano teacher she is an effing bitch i mean it. she sucks ok and my mother worships her like god. then i was having physics tuition and my mother just open the door and tell me your lesson 8.15. eh what the fuck. and the physics teacher keep staring at me ask me who that. she cannot wait until i tuition finish is it.
ok fine. then i go out. at 7.30. and the piano teacher kind of demanded that i run jump fly there now. stupid. and the mother also demanded the same thing. what fuck i havent eat since 2.20. super kelian ok. then yah. must go to the stupid lesson lah. coz i want to fucking pass the exam if i fucking fail the mother will hate me forever and ever. fuck lah piano exmas are for the richs and smarts/musically inclined prodigies. no money learn what fuck no money expect pass the exam. go die lah. every week she will just tell me how many wrongs i make and she never even teach properly lah please. and i want to die after each lesson. coz she makes me feel like diarrhoea. walao the fuicking exam is 30 minutes, 380 dollars.
and the people will try to fail you coz you are not pro and thus you suck.
i am really going to fail.
then i go and wait for the effing bus. i wait for HALF AN HOUR and it still dont want to come. fuck.
so i am like late for the lesson. she said its 9.15 yesterday and then she anyhow change time what the fuck. the reason is coz she got sore throat and flu and she cannot stand it anymore and she need to see doctor. and she always say I never listen. wth i always listen but i cannot do it not my fault ok. not my fault already. if everybody can listen and do it then nobody will fail anymore exams and the world will be a very pretty place to stay in.
then what about me.
my mother hates me and i got no food to eat and no home and i am going to fail a 380 dollars exam.
i rather get your sorethroat and flu ok. i dont care if i die from it.
walao.
then its like i am being treated like got no feelings like that.
like non living thing.
or a form or entertainment.
coz i read somewhere this story about this very very very sad man who was sad everyday. he feels so sad about everything. (like me) yeah. then one day he go see the therapist and ask, what should i do so i wont feel so sad? then the therapist took pity on him and told him, go watch the blah blah comedian's show at 9pm every Saturday night. i always feel happier after i watch his show. he is very funny one. if you watch you will feel better.
then the man burst into tears and said, i am the comedian.
so sad right. like me. like his sorrow is a form of entertainment to people.
ok fine maybe its good to be of some use to people right. but like this is so sick lah ok. your sorrow is my laughter.
what shit right. how can peoples sadness be your happiness. cannot right.
fucking sad. why am i living on false hopes. crushed hopes and shattered dreams?
i am so sick of being alive and waiting waiting waiting for something great to happen . like the rainbow after the rain and xian ku hou tian or something.
stupid, when is that day going to come. i am going to go insanes. mads. abnormals. retarded. crazys.
what should i do now.
i am a disconnected phoneless homeless friendless fiend.
i hate myself too.
i wish i was dead. then i dont have to see all these tragic truths.
ok bye.
i am going to die in school tomorrow.
fml.
fuck my life.
you know what is sad? is like depression. like sorrow. feelings of extreme inferiority and suicides etc.
i just came back leh. i think i am really not normal. i also dont know why i so late come back lah ok. i also dont like that i dont know.
oh yah. i hate my piano teacher she is an effing bitch i mean it. she sucks ok and my mother worships her like god. then i was having physics tuition and my mother just open the door and tell me your lesson 8.15. eh what the fuck. and the physics teacher keep staring at me ask me who that. she cannot wait until i tuition finish is it.
ok fine. then i go out. at 7.30. and the piano teacher kind of demanded that i run jump fly there now. stupid. and the mother also demanded the same thing. what fuck i havent eat since 2.20. super kelian ok. then yah. must go to the stupid lesson lah. coz i want to fucking pass the exam if i fucking fail the mother will hate me forever and ever. fuck lah piano exmas are for the richs and smarts/musically inclined prodigies. no money learn what fuck no money expect pass the exam. go die lah. every week she will just tell me how many wrongs i make and she never even teach properly lah please. and i want to die after each lesson. coz she makes me feel like diarrhoea. walao the fuicking exam is 30 minutes, 380 dollars.
and the people will try to fail you coz you are not pro and thus you suck.
i am really going to fail.
then i go and wait for the effing bus. i wait for HALF AN HOUR and it still dont want to come. fuck.
so i am like late for the lesson. she said its 9.15 yesterday and then she anyhow change time what the fuck. the reason is coz she got sore throat and flu and she cannot stand it anymore and she need to see doctor. and she always say I never listen. wth i always listen but i cannot do it not my fault ok. not my fault already. if everybody can listen and do it then nobody will fail anymore exams and the world will be a very pretty place to stay in.
then what about me.
my mother hates me and i got no food to eat and no home and i am going to fail a 380 dollars exam.
i rather get your sorethroat and flu ok. i dont care if i die from it.
walao.
then its like i am being treated like got no feelings like that.
like non living thing.
or a form or entertainment.
coz i read somewhere this story about this very very very sad man who was sad everyday. he feels so sad about everything. (like me) yeah. then one day he go see the therapist and ask, what should i do so i wont feel so sad? then the therapist took pity on him and told him, go watch the blah blah comedian's show at 9pm every Saturday night. i always feel happier after i watch his show. he is very funny one. if you watch you will feel better.
then the man burst into tears and said, i am the comedian.
so sad right. like me. like his sorrow is a form of entertainment to people.
ok fine maybe its good to be of some use to people right. but like this is so sick lah ok. your sorrow is my laughter.
what shit right. how can peoples sadness be your happiness. cannot right.
fucking sad. why am i living on false hopes. crushed hopes and shattered dreams?
i am so sick of being alive and waiting waiting waiting for something great to happen . like the rainbow after the rain and xian ku hou tian or something.
stupid, when is that day going to come. i am going to go insanes. mads. abnormals. retarded. crazys.
what should i do now.
i am a disconnected phoneless homeless friendless fiend.
i hate myself too.
i wish i was dead. then i dont have to see all these tragic truths.
ok bye.
i am going to die in school tomorrow.
fml.
fuck my life.
4.02am
ok. i am so going to die. its 4.02am. i dont need to sleep already.
stewwpeed spa later.
i am dieded.
my teeth pain my ears got blood and i still need to go to school.
all i want now is to die. dont care how dont care why dont care where.
help me.
im tired of being alive and still be died.
really. i hate being alone and belonging to nobody and have nobody belong to me.
i hate failing everything after trying so fucking hard.
i hate it. i get jealous. i get jealous of people who got the things i want and will never get.
so greedy me right..
i got so nice country to live in and so good school to go to and many nice nice friends who wake me up when i sleep in class.
i hate me too. its okay. we can all hate me together.
stewwpeed spa later.
i am dieded.
my teeth pain my ears got blood and i still need to go to school.
all i want now is to die. dont care how dont care why dont care where.
help me.
im tired of being alive and still be died.
really. i hate being alone and belonging to nobody and have nobody belong to me.
i hate failing everything after trying so fucking hard.
i hate it. i get jealous. i get jealous of people who got the things i want and will never get.
so greedy me right..
i got so nice country to live in and so good school to go to and many nice nice friends who wake me up when i sleep in class.
i hate me too. its okay. we can all hate me together.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
i miss it like fuck ok. i miss everything that once happened because it is not going to happen again... like once i get it i am never going to get it coz i like getting it.
fuck.
i just.
just.
i just
want to have long comversations
i hate myself for being fucking disgusting too.
cant i just shut the fuck up and get over myself
hahaha.
i cannot.
you know why.
coz i suck.
fuck.
i just.
just.
i just
want to have long comversations
i hate myself for being fucking disgusting too.
cant i just shut the fuck up and get over myself
hahaha.
i cannot.
you know why.
coz i suck.
this is my sister. very cute right. like the despicable me the girl like that right! <3. really ok. i <3 my sister ok. one day she will read my blog and realise what i nice and loving sister she has. i must put alot of photos everywhere now. when i have the chance. because later i will never get a chance to do so anymore. so i must faster put. why i want to put? so that my blog will look nice and i will seem normal. and i must leave a mark of my existence everywhere i go. then i will be remembered. yeah. i also dont know what fuck is i talking now.
anyway i must put alot of pictures.
then my blog will look alive. and nice.
and i create a postive image of myself also.
ok bye.
I wish I could see through your eyes so I would know what you like to see.
I wish I knew your wishes, so I could give you everything you want.
I wish i dreamt the same dreams as you do , and together we could make them come true.
I wish i knew what makes you happy, so i could make you the happiest person in the world.
And lastly, I wish I were a cell in your blood,
so I could be sure I was somewhere in your heart.
I wish I knew your wishes, so I could give you everything you want.
I wish i dreamt the same dreams as you do , and together we could make them come true.
I wish i knew what makes you happy, so i could make you the happiest person in the world.
And lastly, I wish I were a cell in your blood,
so I could be sure I was somewhere in your heart.
i am damn pathetic. no phone and soon no internet. like now i got nobody to talk to and can only talk to this blog thingy and now it is going to be taken away from me too.
i am soon to be lefted with nothing.
is it too greedy to ask for so much?
maybe right.
i also dont know lah.
ok then today i saw mrs toh at compass point library! omg so cool right. i went and said hi. coz she is v friendly and nice. then she look v happy to see me also. dont know if she got remember me anot leh. but i always sleep in her class so should be able to remember right. yeah.
then i dont know why but my ear keeps bleeding. like blood. it bleeds blood. the inside. the eardrums. i am going to be deaf.
ok then. my mother come home with a lot of instant noodles. mad. it means that i am expected to eat instant noodles for BLD. see. i am going to die very very soon.
it shall be classified under natural death.
and all my hair will fall out and i will die a hairless deaf friendless fiend.
and i must do geog and ss graded now. i dont know how to do.
why must we write a stupid essay about irrigation techniques and cloud seeding.
i cannot.
i will fail.
i should not be affected by failures anymore coz of the many failures already right.
but i dont want fail. i just want to pass. only. just pass. but i still cannot.
my brain also got problems. ):
ok then right. ):
my cousin just moved out leh ):
is damn sad ok. i feel very sad about it. i mean it ok. i am not saying this to make myself feel better by like expressing my sadness about my cousins departure or show that i am humane coz i feel sad about her departure yeah ok now i must blog about her because i miss her alot.
really ok. even though i think we very bad to each other alot of times.
but still right. she very nice sometimes, like she will go cut hair with me and run with me. now no more running partner no more running together and we will all get fat ): and the times we share clothes. and stalk people together. and watch tv together. and buy clothes together. and talk together. and eat together. no more togetherness already. now that shes gone ): last time when she was here i wish she will quickly get out and now i wishing she will come back or something.
ok yeah. thankyou my cousin for being my cousin.
and all the best for your o levels i love you <3
i wish i could say more.
i am soon to be lefted with nothing.
is it too greedy to ask for so much?
maybe right.
i also dont know lah.
ok then today i saw mrs toh at compass point library! omg so cool right. i went and said hi. coz she is v friendly and nice. then she look v happy to see me also. dont know if she got remember me anot leh. but i always sleep in her class so should be able to remember right. yeah.
then i dont know why but my ear keeps bleeding. like blood. it bleeds blood. the inside. the eardrums. i am going to be deaf.
ok then. my mother come home with a lot of instant noodles. mad. it means that i am expected to eat instant noodles for BLD. see. i am going to die very very soon.
it shall be classified under natural death.
and all my hair will fall out and i will die a hairless deaf friendless fiend.
and i must do geog and ss graded now. i dont know how to do.
why must we write a stupid essay about irrigation techniques and cloud seeding.
i cannot.
i will fail.
i should not be affected by failures anymore coz of the many failures already right.
but i dont want fail. i just want to pass. only. just pass. but i still cannot.
my brain also got problems. ):
ok then right. ):
my cousin just moved out leh ):
is damn sad ok. i feel very sad about it. i mean it ok. i am not saying this to make myself feel better by like expressing my sadness about my cousins departure or show that i am humane coz i feel sad about her departure yeah ok now i must blog about her because i miss her alot.
really ok. even though i think we very bad to each other alot of times.
but still right. she very nice sometimes, like she will go cut hair with me and run with me. now no more running partner no more running together and we will all get fat ): and the times we share clothes. and stalk people together. and watch tv together. and buy clothes together. and talk together. and eat together. no more togetherness already. now that shes gone ): last time when she was here i wish she will quickly get out and now i wishing she will come back or something.
ok yeah. thankyou my cousin for being my cousin.
and all the best for your o levels i love you <3
i wish i could say more.
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