why am i being retarded and desperate lah fuck.
why. its like 2.47am already ok. means like later got the stoopit math test and stoopit physics SPA which i will die like shit. coz i never study again. coz i keep thinking about shit and doing shit and living like shit lah. walao. shit.
i hate myself. i am very disgusting. i have nothing better to do. cannot do anything correct. shit.
i also dont want to die right. like i wanna see how my life turns out and stuff right. but if it never turn out the way i want then how. then how? what to do. die? try to die? then i read somewhere that if die must pay money for dying or something like that. yahlah also not i pay what. and is only pay one time can.
then i keep doing things i should not. like stay up and not sleep just because i can. and stone online and do more shit. coz i keep stalking people. ok. how.
because i am phoneless ok. i want to call people now. or like got somebody to message what. but the more i want something the more i am never never never going to get it at all. so i am not going to want a phone ok.
i am not going to want anything so i can have everything what the shit.
i hate it lah ok. i got nobody to talk to.
ok. so screwed. you know why? coz i cannot predict the future. if i can i will not be screwed forever at all.
then i will pass all the math tests and geog tests and physics spas and physics tests. then i will win all the toto. then i will earn all the money. then i will know the right things to say all the right things to do.
see. then i will become the happiest person in the universe. haha.
if only. if onlies.
that the things i like like me back.
i am going to fail.
like i always did.
coz god has left me.
coz i never go for service.
and i express dissatisfaction with what god has given me.
therefore.
always alone.
with no one to hold.