i feel very sad now. i feel unwanted, rejected and hurt.
you know what is sad? is like depression. like sorrow. feelings of extreme inferiority and suicides etc.
i just came back leh. i think i am really not normal. i also dont know why i so late come back lah ok. i also dont like that i dont know.
oh yah. i hate my piano teacher she is an effing bitch i mean it. she sucks ok and my mother worships her like god. then i was having physics tuition and my mother just open the door and tell me your lesson 8.15. eh what the fuck. and the physics teacher keep staring at me ask me who that. she cannot wait until i tuition finish is it.
ok fine. then i go out. at 7.30. and the piano teacher kind of demanded that i run jump fly there now. stupid. and the mother also demanded the same thing. what fuck i havent eat since 2.20. super kelian ok. then yah. must go to the stupid lesson lah. coz i want to fucking pass the exam if i fucking fail the mother will hate me forever and ever. fuck lah piano exmas are for the richs and smarts/musically inclined prodigies. no money learn what fuck no money expect pass the exam. go die lah. every week she will just tell me how many wrongs i make and she never even teach properly lah please. and i want to die after each lesson. coz she makes me feel like diarrhoea. walao the fuicking exam is 30 minutes, 380 dollars.
and the people will try to fail you coz you are not pro and thus you suck.
i am really going to fail.
then i go and wait for the effing bus. i wait for HALF AN HOUR and it still dont want to come. fuck.
so i am like late for the lesson. she said its 9.15 yesterday and then she anyhow change time what the fuck. the reason is coz she got sore throat and flu and she cannot stand it anymore and she need to see doctor. and she always say I never listen. wth i always listen but i cannot do it not my fault ok. not my fault already. if everybody can listen and do it then nobody will fail anymore exams and the world will be a very pretty place to stay in.
then what about me.
my mother hates me and i got no food to eat and no home and i am going to fail a 380 dollars exam.
i rather get your sorethroat and flu ok. i dont care if i die from it.

walao.
then its like i am being treated like got no feelings like that.
like non living thing.
or a form or entertainment.

coz i read somewhere this story about this very very very sad man who was sad everyday. he feels so sad about everything. (like me) yeah. then one day he go see the therapist and ask, what should i do so i wont feel so sad? then the therapist took pity on him and told him, go watch the blah blah comedian's show at 9pm every Saturday night. i always feel happier after i watch his show. he is very funny one. if you watch you will feel better.
then the man burst into tears and said, i am the comedian.

so sad right. like me. like his sorrow is a form of entertainment to people.
ok fine maybe its good to be of some use to people right. but like this is so sick lah ok. your sorrow is my laughter.
what shit right. how can peoples sadness be your happiness. cannot right.

fucking sad. why am i living on false hopes. crushed hopes and shattered dreams?
i am so sick of being alive and waiting waiting waiting for something great to happen . like the rainbow after the rain and xian ku hou tian or something.
stupid, when is that day going to come. i am going to go insanes. mads. abnormals. retarded. crazys.
what should i do now.
i am a disconnected phoneless homeless friendless fiend.
i hate myself too.
i wish i was dead. then i dont have to see all these tragic truths.
ok bye.

i am going to die in school tomorrow.
fml.
fuck my life.