so I got a job, worked at a job, conducted lessons, shouted at kids, prepared food for kids, talked to parents and basically just all sorts of random shit. i know i am incompetent and life is unfair and working life is shit and if I don't like it I either suck it up or ignore it and move on because the world doesn't revolve around me or serve to make me happy. That's the life motto of my best friend and mine too i guess.
The atmosphere at the workplace is stifling but still fun at the same time? Sharing about my job experiences with my friends and many of them are envious of my job "OH MY GOD THE KIDS SO CUTE!"
wow what a load of fucking bullshit.
i really cannot take it anymore, it's just so tiring and draining and there are just so many bloody MOE regulations to abide by. Here are just some of MOE rules that I find ridiculous and unreasonable (pardon the strong language here i am just so pissed off at the way things have turned out)"
1. No physical contact with the kids (this includes no hugging, no holding the kids' hands even)
2. Educators/ Life Coaches (that's the name of my job designation) should try to minimize shouting at the kids.
3. Not allowed to use harsh jargon (like cannot say 'I will punish you', "you get out of the class" etc)
4. Not allowed to bribe kids with sweets (unhealthy) makes them greedy or something, makes them too practical like they will only be good because of rewards (Oh really, Singapore? Isn't pragmatism what you've always been conditioning us to think) how hypocritical
5. No interaction with kids outside of class ( and you want us to play a, supposedly important part in their lives?)
this list is NOT exhaustive (like duh) MOE is just going to come up with more and more rules. thanks a lot. WOW.
like seriously double fucking wow. what do you want from me? i am trying my best here but obviously it's not only not good enough, it's even wrong.
i always thought that as long as i have a heart to teach the children the right values, the right behaviour and at the same time inspire them to think for themselves and stand up for what is right (yes having the ethical attitude to stand up for what is right is a motto of the primary school I am working in - it's printed in big words hanging on a signboard on the ceiling for everyone to see) proudly displayed, eh? but what is the underlying truth here?
students who stand up for what is right get scolded. because MOE says so.
i think this is really disgusting and full of shit. like the government has nothing better to do or really, just don't understand the situation here ( yes coming from a pathetic citizen like me who has only be in the job for 34 days WOW how dare i speak so insolently? do i want to die a horrible death?)
what's with all these fucked up policies? I know MOE do take parents' 'feedback' (or complains here, if you scrape the disgusting euphemisms MOE simply loves to use) seriously but think about it, aren't the parent's 'feedback' an outcome of MOE regulations in the first place? MOE has conditioned parents to think in a certain way, the complaints are just all part of MOE's scam.
so where does the root of the problem lie? i believe with all my heart that it is with MOE. i'm sorry i turned out this way MOE. I am a product of your policies for 19 fucking years. and now I'm screwing up the lives of the future generation.
so maybe this life is another planet's hell and I am put here to atone for some previous heinous crimes
and the mindfucking now is all just part and parcel of this shit
i can't do this anymore and i have being crying and hating myself wow what's new?
if the principal is going to scold me i have nothing to say really. because what use is there to argue with MOE? I am just a 19 year old teenager with a huge ego and almost zilch understanding of the world.
who is going to give a fuck about what i think? LOL
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Saturday, February 1, 2014
love & relationships
Coming from an all-girls' school environment, being in JC has been a culture shock to me. I don't understand the male sex and most of the time i disprove of their actions (e.g body building, evaluating the body shapes of girls, sexual jokes, chauvinism etc)
i don't see the need for male companionship i just want to be with my girlfriends. we can really talk about anything, any problems and talking to them, going out with them i can be myself and it just makes life so much more bearable. Yet when it comes to guys all i feel is inadequacy, ugliness and self-loathing. for a while i admit i do feel flattered and cared for a loved (more than a girl could ever make me feel) when a guy shows concern for me, offers to pay for meals, initiate conversations etc.
Recently I have been a receiver (or should I say victim?) of such male affection. For a while my head was up in the clouds and I felt this sense of euphoria that i've never felt in a long long time since my first boyfriend in secondary 2 and that stupid crush i had for a long time in sec 3 - jc1. we went out one on one together and it was fun, i was my awkwardly weird self but gradually opened up I guess, and i enjoyed these 'dates'? i don't think i got the wrong idea. He was too close, closer than a normal friend, texted frequently etc.
i don't like ambiguity so i reciprocated and my gestures weren't rejected. so i went for it and initiated a relationship.
he said no, and all i feel is confusion and rejection now. i know my self-worth is not determined by my relationship with him but i can't get stop feeling like this. i want to hide under my bed sheets and listen to eason chan wu yue tian passenger and bon iver and just heal myself you know? nothing hurts so exquisitely as unrequited love.
i don't know where I went wrong, I didn't initiate conversation or flirt first (read through my whatsapp history with him) i just replied normally (or so I thought) to his advances and it had to turn out this way. i tread cautiously with this but still this had to happen? i really don't know what to do anymore and i just want to run away from all this shit
i don't have many guy friends I just want to click well with one guy and just be in a mutually supporting relationship where both of us become better people.
where we listen to each other's problems, accept each other's flaws and make each other want to change for the better.
to know each other better and empathize with each other's pain and suddenly my own pain doesn't feel so painful anymore
to have a joint bank account in which we can save up for our future and have goals to work towards, have something to look forward to after each tiring day at work (all of my female co-workers are happily attached, having something to look forward to after work) I guess for me what I look forward to is how each day is a new experience for me moulding me into a better person for the next potential relationship that comes along. what the heck I've been trying to become physically attractive and buying nice clothes and generally turning to a materialistic lifestyle when previously i was not like that.
the change is too fast and i want it to stop i want to stay true to myself and just wear things i feel good in????? but my sadness makes me want to attract male attention more i really should stop this is not the way to get rid of this empty hollow feeling inside trying to build healthy relationships but nothing seems to work out
i don't see the need for male companionship i just want to be with my girlfriends. we can really talk about anything, any problems and talking to them, going out with them i can be myself and it just makes life so much more bearable. Yet when it comes to guys all i feel is inadequacy, ugliness and self-loathing. for a while i admit i do feel flattered and cared for a loved (more than a girl could ever make me feel) when a guy shows concern for me, offers to pay for meals, initiate conversations etc.
Recently I have been a receiver (or should I say victim?) of such male affection. For a while my head was up in the clouds and I felt this sense of euphoria that i've never felt in a long long time since my first boyfriend in secondary 2 and that stupid crush i had for a long time in sec 3 - jc1. we went out one on one together and it was fun, i was my awkwardly weird self but gradually opened up I guess, and i enjoyed these 'dates'? i don't think i got the wrong idea. He was too close, closer than a normal friend, texted frequently etc.
i don't like ambiguity so i reciprocated and my gestures weren't rejected. so i went for it and initiated a relationship.
he said no, and all i feel is confusion and rejection now. i know my self-worth is not determined by my relationship with him but i can't get stop feeling like this. i want to hide under my bed sheets and listen to eason chan wu yue tian passenger and bon iver and just heal myself you know? nothing hurts so exquisitely as unrequited love.
i don't know where I went wrong, I didn't initiate conversation or flirt first (read through my whatsapp history with him) i just replied normally (or so I thought) to his advances and it had to turn out this way. i tread cautiously with this but still this had to happen? i really don't know what to do anymore and i just want to run away from all this shit
i don't have many guy friends I just want to click well with one guy and just be in a mutually supporting relationship where both of us become better people.
where we listen to each other's problems, accept each other's flaws and make each other want to change for the better.
to know each other better and empathize with each other's pain and suddenly my own pain doesn't feel so painful anymore
to have a joint bank account in which we can save up for our future and have goals to work towards, have something to look forward to after each tiring day at work (all of my female co-workers are happily attached, having something to look forward to after work) I guess for me what I look forward to is how each day is a new experience for me moulding me into a better person for the next potential relationship that comes along. what the heck I've been trying to become physically attractive and buying nice clothes and generally turning to a materialistic lifestyle when previously i was not like that.
the change is too fast and i want it to stop i want to stay true to myself and just wear things i feel good in????? but my sadness makes me want to attract male attention more i really should stop this is not the way to get rid of this empty hollow feeling inside trying to build healthy relationships but nothing seems to work out
19th Birthday
HI JS so here's the post i promised where's your post too
My birthday.
Nothing to celebrate about, really. it just makes one feel emptier and inadequate.
so i was discussing the celebration of this stupid life event with JS and it's comfort to know she feels the same way as me (just read her blog and it provides motivation and peace)
my mind is burdened with shit so I can't really put my point clearly across but i'll try my best:
Before my birthday i was expecting something, a surprise and shit like that. i know i shouldn't be expecting much because i didn't do much to warrant that kind of importance to actually have a surprise planned in my name. friends were also very busy with their new working lives. i don/t know why but i put a lot of importance on birthdays, sending a birthday SMS i feel, is much more sincere than facebook messaging birthday wishes (like people facebook birthday wish others simply because the other party had wished him/her before so where's the sincerity in that?)
as expected, the number of birthday wishes i got in text/whatsapp even on facebook dwindled lots this year. previous years i had 35> friends facebook wishing me and 10> birthday smses but i guess people just grow apart? Even when i went out with my friend who had the same birthday as me to spend our birthdays together i was the one who got her a birthday present and card (though it was rushed- I only made the card and bought the present on that very day) but the fact is she didnt reciprocate that gesture so I guess that says a lot about our relationship, we weren't as close as I thought we were.
another thing, even when people throw you birthday surprise parties in your name it just feels like an obligatory gesture instead of a genuine one. You don't feel happy, you feel indebted instead, and you'd have to repay it back on their birthdays. (as quoted from JS) furthermore i think people throw birthday parties to make a statement of what a good friend they are and to feel superficially socially good? (I don't know, like to have a reason to call out people to come together as a sign of how great their friendship is because they'd actually took so much time off their busy schedules to plan a freaking birthday party)
Even my best friends didn't wish me (once again i guess that says a lot about our friendship) i make it a point to give birthday presents (pragmatic ones) to friends each year, but year after year i feel more and more neglected when that gesture is not reciprocated. and don't give me that shit about to not expect things in return when you do something bla bla. You try to apply it to your life and you realise how difficult it is? it's no longer about being the nice person, the kind, the easy going, the one who doesn't hold grudges, the good friend anymore, because it just puts a statement on the how bad I am at maintaining relationships. even though i felt i tried my best to be a good friend to everyone i meet.
I'm a crowd pleaser.
on a lighter note, I am really thankful to receive some really sincere gifts from a few friends. - it's not about the cost of the presents really, a birthday card would do just fine to re-establish our relationship to re-assure each other that we are still good friends. but i get lesser cards each year.
am i overthinking shit again? i really hate being like that and want to learn not to take life so seriously. i want to learn how to deal with rejection and relationships distancing and shit like that. i really really really want to.
My birthday.
Nothing to celebrate about, really. it just makes one feel emptier and inadequate.
so i was discussing the celebration of this stupid life event with JS and it's comfort to know she feels the same way as me (just read her blog and it provides motivation and peace)
my mind is burdened with shit so I can't really put my point clearly across but i'll try my best:
Before my birthday i was expecting something, a surprise and shit like that. i know i shouldn't be expecting much because i didn't do much to warrant that kind of importance to actually have a surprise planned in my name. friends were also very busy with their new working lives. i don/t know why but i put a lot of importance on birthdays, sending a birthday SMS i feel, is much more sincere than facebook messaging birthday wishes (like people facebook birthday wish others simply because the other party had wished him/her before so where's the sincerity in that?)
as expected, the number of birthday wishes i got in text/whatsapp even on facebook dwindled lots this year. previous years i had 35> friends facebook wishing me and 10> birthday smses but i guess people just grow apart? Even when i went out with my friend who had the same birthday as me to spend our birthdays together i was the one who got her a birthday present and card (though it was rushed- I only made the card and bought the present on that very day) but the fact is she didnt reciprocate that gesture so I guess that says a lot about our relationship, we weren't as close as I thought we were.
another thing, even when people throw you birthday surprise parties in your name it just feels like an obligatory gesture instead of a genuine one. You don't feel happy, you feel indebted instead, and you'd have to repay it back on their birthdays. (as quoted from JS) furthermore i think people throw birthday parties to make a statement of what a good friend they are and to feel superficially socially good? (I don't know, like to have a reason to call out people to come together as a sign of how great their friendship is because they'd actually took so much time off their busy schedules to plan a freaking birthday party)
Even my best friends didn't wish me (once again i guess that says a lot about our friendship) i make it a point to give birthday presents (pragmatic ones) to friends each year, but year after year i feel more and more neglected when that gesture is not reciprocated. and don't give me that shit about to not expect things in return when you do something bla bla. You try to apply it to your life and you realise how difficult it is? it's no longer about being the nice person, the kind, the easy going, the one who doesn't hold grudges, the good friend anymore, because it just puts a statement on the how bad I am at maintaining relationships. even though i felt i tried my best to be a good friend to everyone i meet.
I'm a crowd pleaser.
on a lighter note, I am really thankful to receive some really sincere gifts from a few friends. - it's not about the cost of the presents really, a birthday card would do just fine to re-establish our relationship to re-assure each other that we are still good friends. but i get lesser cards each year.
am i overthinking shit again? i really hate being like that and want to learn not to take life so seriously. i want to learn how to deal with rejection and relationships distancing and shit like that. i really really really want to.
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Euphemistic language
So I've began working since the 2nd of January 2014 and I am feeling so stressed though it's only a part time job. i feel suffocated and dying. like i hate everything about my life all over again even though i've planned my fucking new year's resolutions.
Why?
So I'm working in a student care - taking care of students and helping with washing, tutoring, character development and such. The job itself is great - getting to know kids and their childlike naviety is so fufilling and enjoyable. But the office politics is fucked up and i cannot take it. Fuck i hate it and i want to just give up.
can i have a job that requires minimal social interaction?
Anyway I introduced this job to many of my friends because i thought it would be nice to have some company and you know - more communication platforms as there is already a foundation of friendship WOW BUT WHAT I AM SADLY MISTAKEN i feel like a sad fuck
because apparently when you have friends working with you it's hard to stand your ground and be objective because you are always emotionally driven - on account of the stupid friendship.
so we had to buy groceries for the student care today and we were given a sum of money to buy things from a stock list. so me and friend went to the nearby neighbourhood shops to get the things. to cut costs we bought most of the things from the ABC thrift shop. and friend say wu eh bo eh stuffs:
1) a special oil absorbent sponge ($0.80)
2) an egg cutter ($1.50)
i said to call the supervisor first before buying anything that's not on the list and friend agreed. called and no answer coz supervisor was busy with kids. so i said to call after we got everything. she went ahead to put it in the basket. THEN i said what if we got into trouble for buying unnecessary items she said nevermind its only $1.50 and $0.80 its okay one. (wow what the fuck) and she's okay with paying from her own pocket.
but in the end she didnt pay from her own pocket and used the company money for groceries instead.
then we went to get 60 eggs and i carried the eggs while she pushed the grocery trolley (wow how smart)
then we went back to the centre. there was a science tutor that teaches badly so one of the staff had to watch him to give constructive feedback she was quick to volunteer herself for that duty and told me to pack away the purchased groceries into the pantry. then as i was the fucking groceries-purchase in charge i had to give the receipts to the supervisor. supervisor asked me one by one what was everything for and when i said sponge she was like 'huh i already bought' so i apologised and tried to save my sorry ass (not really mine?? whose fault is this whole stupid shit anyway) by saying that it's oil absorbent. tried to cover up the stupid egg cutter process by saying it's disposable gloves (compulsory item on the list) as the receipt doesn't explicitly state the purchases.
AND SO. WOW. what kind of shit i got myself into? people who speak euphemistic language always wins. what happened to the cold hard truth, does it not have a place in today's society anymore
i feel so fucking stressed now what the fuck, what other shit do i have to go through int the following months. well not to mention the release of the A fucking level results which friend will definitely compare with me. i try to be acceptive of different ways of working but i cannot compromise when she just anyhow. like there are fucking rules and regulations right. it's so hard to fit in. i have to be cheery and strict and firm and able to pai ma pi all at the same time like how??? like how??????
my co-workers are really friendly and cheery but i cannot do that. it's not me. i will put in my best into the job and own up to my mistakes but please be fair here ok. why do people get to avoid the shit duties and still get good reviews.
maybe i am over thinking here and being idealistic as usual
but i am really sick and tired of all this life. what happened to teamwork? everybody working together to achieve prosperity and progress for our nation. only the most trusted part timer gets to know all the inner workings of the company while the others stick to their routine duties? why can't all the workers know about all the workings of the company why keep secrets from each other to put yourself on a moral high ground
does this make you a better human being?
does it?
is this the way the world works?
so i better stick to my own job and don't do anything more or less. even when it comes to the kids. no being a friend to them. no emotional investment. no character development (heck i dont even have childcare training) no nothing. just don't say anything and talk only of homework.
be boring. be impartial. be smart. be euphemistic. be hypocritical. just dont be yourself.
is it?????
i love this kid so much he is from a single parent family and he calls me jie jie and asks me to eat with him it is so heartwarming and i feel socially accepted but i can't be his friend anyway
Why?
So I'm working in a student care - taking care of students and helping with washing, tutoring, character development and such. The job itself is great - getting to know kids and their childlike naviety is so fufilling and enjoyable. But the office politics is fucked up and i cannot take it. Fuck i hate it and i want to just give up.
can i have a job that requires minimal social interaction?
Anyway I introduced this job to many of my friends because i thought it would be nice to have some company and you know - more communication platforms as there is already a foundation of friendship WOW BUT WHAT I AM SADLY MISTAKEN i feel like a sad fuck
because apparently when you have friends working with you it's hard to stand your ground and be objective because you are always emotionally driven - on account of the stupid friendship.
so we had to buy groceries for the student care today and we were given a sum of money to buy things from a stock list. so me and friend went to the nearby neighbourhood shops to get the things. to cut costs we bought most of the things from the ABC thrift shop. and friend say wu eh bo eh stuffs:
1) a special oil absorbent sponge ($0.80)
2) an egg cutter ($1.50)
i said to call the supervisor first before buying anything that's not on the list and friend agreed. called and no answer coz supervisor was busy with kids. so i said to call after we got everything. she went ahead to put it in the basket. THEN i said what if we got into trouble for buying unnecessary items she said nevermind its only $1.50 and $0.80 its okay one. (wow what the fuck) and she's okay with paying from her own pocket.
but in the end she didnt pay from her own pocket and used the company money for groceries instead.
then we went to get 60 eggs and i carried the eggs while she pushed the grocery trolley (wow how smart)
then we went back to the centre. there was a science tutor that teaches badly so one of the staff had to watch him to give constructive feedback she was quick to volunteer herself for that duty and told me to pack away the purchased groceries into the pantry. then as i was the fucking groceries-purchase in charge i had to give the receipts to the supervisor. supervisor asked me one by one what was everything for and when i said sponge she was like 'huh i already bought' so i apologised and tried to save my sorry ass (not really mine?? whose fault is this whole stupid shit anyway) by saying that it's oil absorbent. tried to cover up the stupid egg cutter process by saying it's disposable gloves (compulsory item on the list) as the receipt doesn't explicitly state the purchases.
AND SO. WOW. what kind of shit i got myself into? people who speak euphemistic language always wins. what happened to the cold hard truth, does it not have a place in today's society anymore
i feel so fucking stressed now what the fuck, what other shit do i have to go through int the following months. well not to mention the release of the A fucking level results which friend will definitely compare with me. i try to be acceptive of different ways of working but i cannot compromise when she just anyhow. like there are fucking rules and regulations right. it's so hard to fit in. i have to be cheery and strict and firm and able to pai ma pi all at the same time like how??? like how??????
my co-workers are really friendly and cheery but i cannot do that. it's not me. i will put in my best into the job and own up to my mistakes but please be fair here ok. why do people get to avoid the shit duties and still get good reviews.
maybe i am over thinking here and being idealistic as usual
but i am really sick and tired of all this life. what happened to teamwork? everybody working together to achieve prosperity and progress for our nation. only the most trusted part timer gets to know all the inner workings of the company while the others stick to their routine duties? why can't all the workers know about all the workings of the company why keep secrets from each other to put yourself on a moral high ground
does this make you a better human being?
does it?
is this the way the world works?
so i better stick to my own job and don't do anything more or less. even when it comes to the kids. no being a friend to them. no emotional investment. no character development (heck i dont even have childcare training) no nothing. just don't say anything and talk only of homework.
be boring. be impartial. be smart. be euphemistic. be hypocritical. just dont be yourself.
is it?????
i love this kid so much he is from a single parent family and he calls me jie jie and asks me to eat with him it is so heartwarming and i feel socially accepted but i can't be his friend anyway
Monday, December 9, 2013
Can we be materialistic and religious at the same time?
Been thinking a lot about this question, back when i entered jc in 2012 - the gp lessons i had were so insightful and classmates who discussed so enthusiastically with me.
now that i have more free time, i'm going to read up on this. but for now, i still think these two values are mutually exclusive. i cannot accept. i am a sanctimonious prude.
now that i have more free time, i'm going to read up on this. but for now, i still think these two values are mutually exclusive. i cannot accept. i am a sanctimonious prude.
Saturday, December 7, 2013
I regret everything
Looking at the horrendous photos of my prom i just wanna crawl into a hole and curl up and die
i really really really really shouldn't have worn such a tight short dress but something simpler instead wtf is my problem. looking at my other sn friends' prom photos they all looked so elegant and decent and grand, unlike me. i really really shouldn't have worn such thick makeup at $30.00 (WTF??!) and just gone for something much much much simpler like my sec 4 prom which lokyan did the makeup and hair for me. and i haven't seen her for so long.
look at me complaining and complaining ok i must stop going against my principles. stop it. STOP IT
'Because life isn't about having amazing experiences, it's about making mediocre experiences look AWESOME on facebook'
on a brighter note I'm attending this talk/discussion by Empowering Singaporeans 'For a Better Education System' at bras basah complex from 2pm-5pm tomorrow checked the 'going' list on facebook and the profile pages of the attendees and their posts were mostly thoughts about social inequality, rising costs of living etc. etc
OK SEE HOW IT GOES BUT I AM DAMN EXCITED FOR IT
it really is consolation if people share similar sentiments as i do
i really really really really shouldn't have worn such a tight short dress but something simpler instead wtf is my problem. looking at my other sn friends' prom photos they all looked so elegant and decent and grand, unlike me. i really really shouldn't have worn such thick makeup at $30.00 (WTF??!) and just gone for something much much much simpler like my sec 4 prom which lokyan did the makeup and hair for me. and i haven't seen her for so long.
look at me complaining and complaining ok i must stop going against my principles. stop it. STOP IT
'Because life isn't about having amazing experiences, it's about making mediocre experiences look AWESOME on facebook'
- so so so apt
on a brighter note I'm attending this talk/discussion by Empowering Singaporeans 'For a Better Education System' at bras basah complex from 2pm-5pm tomorrow checked the 'going' list on facebook and the profile pages of the attendees and their posts were mostly thoughts about social inequality, rising costs of living etc. etc
OK SEE HOW IT GOES BUT I AM DAMN EXCITED FOR IT
it really is consolation if people share similar sentiments as i do
Thursday, December 5, 2013
$99.90 + $85.00
Since almost every single fucking thing in this world is represented in monetary value yup that's the fucking cost of my so-called prom night. OK pardon the vulgar language i had a bad night it was really a disappointment. (not considering the cost invested that did not receive a similar rebate wtf am i talking my english is really gross) OK I MEAN like the money paid for the whole night was totally not worth it.
Firstly more than half my class was not there. (off to a bad start) and i didn't like the fact that we had to make up tables. like we had to find people to make up one table. I mean ok that's more convenient and cost-effective but there's no sense of community. Why can't they allocate tables according to classes? since the class itself is the main emphasis of this whole prom fuss. seriously prom is overrated crap.
let me explain in point form.
1) Half of the class not at prom - dilutes the purpose of the prom in the first place.
2) The emcees were celebrities - unsuitable to host prom, waste of money to hire them in the first place to make sexually derogatory jokes about women - sick humour as a form of entertainment =.= wao (' hey, what's the difference between iron man and iron woman? - one is a super hero the other is a simple instruction ) wow wtf. then. ( 'eh all the selfies pro, take pictures very pretty but in real life ugly)
3) Clubbing music played throughout the dinner - totally unrelated to the emotional gravity of graduation cannot eat in peace -
4) Kopitiam food served at 7x the price & it was cold
5) Missed out one course of the 8-course dinner promised
6) A beauty and popularity pageant - highlight of the prom - totally unnecessary, increases physical insecurities in males and females from a young age - increases the social construct of superficiality
7) Tiny ballroom - really seriously fucking tiny - if it is going to be so tiny, why are they charging us so much? Swissotel is in the CBD area as well - same price but so much bigger.
8) Waiters and waitresses who kept asking to clear our food even before we had the chance to finish eating (cold food)
9) The gross amount of money spent on this and the fact that this is socially acceptable and also praised by my teachers and principal
10) The video montage - which should be the main highlight of prom was fucking short
11) Many teachers did not turn up - teachers who were really important in educating and inspiring the JC journey ( i really miss the English H.O.D Mr Ivan Lim, geog teachers Mdm Selvi and Mr Osman, Mdm Chew but they were all not there)
12) Nothing really meaningful - no singing of the school song, reading of the school pledge, things that truly fostered school spirit were not done
and moving on to more personal reasons:
13) I had to wear heels and a dress even though i did not want to, i wanted to wear my school uniform/really casual clothes just to make a statement/satire on the social perception of the dress code
14) I looked and felt like a prostitute because i wore a body hugging dress - like wtf was i trying to do wtf is wrong with me i think i wanted to look sexy because from the pretty pictures i see on social media girls were able to pull that look off so i tried to copy that but i turned out so badly sexy, a pathetic failure
15) It was a mad rush to take photos with various groups (CCA, class, oversease immersion friends,, Matriculation group) and the people i was not so close to but still desperately wanted to take a photo with to remember my JC life why do i bother doing that, does it really mean anything?
16) I felt so self-concious and inferior to the males and females with their elaborate hairdos and outfits which the emcees constantly reminded us of
17) They made us leave at around 10.50pm and we had to crowd in that small space outside just to take pictures becoz we had to seize the chance to preserve the only moment we ever look good and so as to not let tens of our parents' hard earned money on the elaborate hairdos and outfits go to waste i really didn't want to be in any pictures with the various cliques i was not close to but i did anyway. i smiled for them anyway. because what else could a person like me do?
So what could be done better?
In my emotionally subjective opinion, i propose a few suggestions:
1) Let the emcees be our teachers. No one understands the school culture and the graduating cohort better than the teachers. and their antics are what makes school life enjoyable. i really miss Mr Barry's fatherly aura, Miss Yap's sassy-ness and wit, Mr Osman's lame jokes about his hair Mr Ivan Lim's I-bra etc etc. and I'm fucking sure the rest of the students do too. so why don't why spend the money on hiring emcees (who make crude sexual-innuendo-ed remarks) to hire the teachers instead? and their tickets could be paid with the fund used on the celebrity emcees who knew zilch about our school culture
2) Replace the stupid beauty pageant that just emphasizes bodily insecurities and builds people's egos and materialistic personalities with class performances/more video montages.
3) Don't even hold the prom at such an expensive and tiny ballroom. We could have it in school - unique and absolutely apt since it was on that very school compound where precious relationships were forged - and more affordable, and reasonable since most of us do not have an income and thus there would be a higher turn up rate if it were held in school. and we wouldn't be cleared out so quickly before we got the chance to take enough pictures/finish our food. (omg so angry about this i can't even) and in school we can go home at whatever time we like since we own it. we could even have the after party there, such a homely and cosy feeling that would probably be less felt in the corporate world
4) Sing the school song/ recite the school pledge together as a cohort - symbolic and united school spirit
- TBC i feel fucked up now and need to fufill social roles as a sister, friend, niece cousin student resident singapore citizen global citizen and whatever shit this world expects
I know i am being very idealistic and extreme, but this is what i truly feel. If anyone from PJC/principal is reading this i hope you can organise a better prom ( i hate this euphemism why can't they just say graduation) next year. and yup, if you have any thoughts about this, leave me a message through facebook/whatsapp or where ever
and if my vice principal sees this i hope this is not too vulgar and rude and offensive if it is i will express my thoughts in more euphemistic language. sorry for the rude posts last time. and thank you for giving me cold hard advice. i remember what you said about education, 'it is not merely about your academics, i know you are doing ok but this is about your emotional well-being if we cannot teach you the proper values then we have failed as educators'
or something along those lines.
thank you, it is hard but i will try to be a better citizen and i know i am extremely lucky to enjoy such good social welfare and subsidies for my education from tax payers' money
so yup, although i feel ambivalent about graduating like that I am thankful and blessed by the experience and especially my cousin and aunt who have talked to me about proper values, helping me to adapt to a new environment thank you very much.
and now i miss st nicks so so so much, i just want to go home. quoting Michael Buble's song,
' i wanna go home'
Firstly more than half my class was not there. (off to a bad start) and i didn't like the fact that we had to make up tables. like we had to find people to make up one table. I mean ok that's more convenient and cost-effective but there's no sense of community. Why can't they allocate tables according to classes? since the class itself is the main emphasis of this whole prom fuss. seriously prom is overrated crap.
let me explain in point form.
1) Half of the class not at prom - dilutes the purpose of the prom in the first place.
2) The emcees were celebrities - unsuitable to host prom, waste of money to hire them in the first place to make sexually derogatory jokes about women - sick humour as a form of entertainment =.= wao (' hey, what's the difference between iron man and iron woman? - one is a super hero the other is a simple instruction ) wow wtf. then. ( 'eh all the selfies pro, take pictures very pretty but in real life ugly)
3) Clubbing music played throughout the dinner - totally unrelated to the emotional gravity of graduation cannot eat in peace -
4) Kopitiam food served at 7x the price & it was cold
5) Missed out one course of the 8-course dinner promised
6) A beauty and popularity pageant - highlight of the prom - totally unnecessary, increases physical insecurities in males and females from a young age - increases the social construct of superficiality
7) Tiny ballroom - really seriously fucking tiny - if it is going to be so tiny, why are they charging us so much? Swissotel is in the CBD area as well - same price but so much bigger.
8) Waiters and waitresses who kept asking to clear our food even before we had the chance to finish eating (cold food)
9) The gross amount of money spent on this and the fact that this is socially acceptable and also praised by my teachers and principal
10) The video montage - which should be the main highlight of prom was fucking short
11) Many teachers did not turn up - teachers who were really important in educating and inspiring the JC journey ( i really miss the English H.O.D Mr Ivan Lim, geog teachers Mdm Selvi and Mr Osman, Mdm Chew but they were all not there)
12) Nothing really meaningful - no singing of the school song, reading of the school pledge, things that truly fostered school spirit were not done
and moving on to more personal reasons:
13) I had to wear heels and a dress even though i did not want to, i wanted to wear my school uniform/really casual clothes just to make a statement/satire on the social perception of the dress code
14) I looked and felt like a prostitute because i wore a body hugging dress - like wtf was i trying to do wtf is wrong with me i think i wanted to look sexy because from the pretty pictures i see on social media girls were able to pull that look off so i tried to copy that but i turned out so badly sexy, a pathetic failure
15) It was a mad rush to take photos with various groups (CCA, class, oversease immersion friends,, Matriculation group) and the people i was not so close to but still desperately wanted to take a photo with to remember my JC life why do i bother doing that, does it really mean anything?
16) I felt so self-concious and inferior to the males and females with their elaborate hairdos and outfits which the emcees constantly reminded us of
17) They made us leave at around 10.50pm and we had to crowd in that small space outside just to take pictures becoz we had to seize the chance to preserve the only moment we ever look good and so as to not let tens of our parents' hard earned money on the elaborate hairdos and outfits go to waste i really didn't want to be in any pictures with the various cliques i was not close to but i did anyway. i smiled for them anyway. because what else could a person like me do?
So what could be done better?
In my emotionally subjective opinion, i propose a few suggestions:
1) Let the emcees be our teachers. No one understands the school culture and the graduating cohort better than the teachers. and their antics are what makes school life enjoyable. i really miss Mr Barry's fatherly aura, Miss Yap's sassy-ness and wit, Mr Osman's lame jokes about his hair Mr Ivan Lim's I-bra etc etc. and I'm fucking sure the rest of the students do too. so why don't why spend the money on hiring emcees (who make crude sexual-innuendo-ed remarks) to hire the teachers instead? and their tickets could be paid with the fund used on the celebrity emcees who knew zilch about our school culture
2) Replace the stupid beauty pageant that just emphasizes bodily insecurities and builds people's egos and materialistic personalities with class performances/more video montages.
3) Don't even hold the prom at such an expensive and tiny ballroom. We could have it in school - unique and absolutely apt since it was on that very school compound where precious relationships were forged - and more affordable, and reasonable since most of us do not have an income and thus there would be a higher turn up rate if it were held in school. and we wouldn't be cleared out so quickly before we got the chance to take enough pictures/finish our food. (omg so angry about this i can't even) and in school we can go home at whatever time we like since we own it. we could even have the after party there, such a homely and cosy feeling that would probably be less felt in the corporate world
4) Sing the school song/ recite the school pledge together as a cohort - symbolic and united school spirit
- TBC i feel fucked up now and need to fufill social roles as a sister, friend, niece cousin student resident singapore citizen global citizen and whatever shit this world expects
I know i am being very idealistic and extreme, but this is what i truly feel. If anyone from PJC/principal is reading this i hope you can organise a better prom ( i hate this euphemism why can't they just say graduation) next year. and yup, if you have any thoughts about this, leave me a message through facebook/whatsapp or where ever
and if my vice principal sees this i hope this is not too vulgar and rude and offensive if it is i will express my thoughts in more euphemistic language. sorry for the rude posts last time. and thank you for giving me cold hard advice. i remember what you said about education, 'it is not merely about your academics, i know you are doing ok but this is about your emotional well-being if we cannot teach you the proper values then we have failed as educators'
or something along those lines.
thank you, it is hard but i will try to be a better citizen and i know i am extremely lucky to enjoy such good social welfare and subsidies for my education from tax payers' money
so yup, although i feel ambivalent about graduating like that I am thankful and blessed by the experience and especially my cousin and aunt who have talked to me about proper values, helping me to adapt to a new environment thank you very much.
and now i miss st nicks so so so much, i just want to go home. quoting Michael Buble's song,
' i wanna go home'
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)