So I've began working since the 2nd of January 2014 and I am feeling so stressed though it's only a part time job. i feel suffocated and dying. like i hate everything about my life all over again even though i've planned my fucking new year's resolutions.
Why?
So I'm working in a student care - taking care of students and helping with washing, tutoring, character development and such. The job itself is great - getting to know kids and their childlike naviety is so fufilling and enjoyable. But the office politics is fucked up and i cannot take it. Fuck i hate it and i want to just give up.
can i have a job that requires minimal social interaction?
Anyway I introduced this job to many of my friends because i thought it would be nice to have some company and you know - more communication platforms as there is already a foundation of friendship WOW BUT WHAT I AM SADLY MISTAKEN i feel like a sad fuck
because apparently when you have friends working with you it's hard to stand your ground and be objective because you are always emotionally driven - on account of the stupid friendship.
so we had to buy groceries for the student care today and we were given a sum of money to buy things from a stock list. so me and friend went to the nearby neighbourhood shops to get the things. to cut costs we bought most of the things from the ABC thrift shop. and friend say wu eh bo eh stuffs:
1) a special oil absorbent sponge ($0.80)
2) an egg cutter ($1.50)
i said to call the supervisor first before buying anything that's not on the list and friend agreed. called and no answer coz supervisor was busy with kids. so i said to call after we got everything. she went ahead to put it in the basket. THEN i said what if we got into trouble for buying unnecessary items she said nevermind its only $1.50 and $0.80 its okay one. (wow what the fuck) and she's okay with paying from her own pocket.
but in the end she didnt pay from her own pocket and used the company money for groceries instead.
then we went to get 60 eggs and i carried the eggs while she pushed the grocery trolley (wow how smart)
then we went back to the centre. there was a science tutor that teaches badly so one of the staff had to watch him to give constructive feedback she was quick to volunteer herself for that duty and told me to pack away the purchased groceries into the pantry. then as i was the fucking groceries-purchase in charge i had to give the receipts to the supervisor. supervisor asked me one by one what was everything for and when i said sponge she was like 'huh i already bought' so i apologised and tried to save my sorry ass (not really mine?? whose fault is this whole stupid shit anyway) by saying that it's oil absorbent. tried to cover up the stupid egg cutter process by saying it's disposable gloves (compulsory item on the list) as the receipt doesn't explicitly state the purchases.
AND SO. WOW. what kind of shit i got myself into? people who speak euphemistic language always wins. what happened to the cold hard truth, does it not have a place in today's society anymore
i feel so fucking stressed now what the fuck, what other shit do i have to go through int the following months. well not to mention the release of the A fucking level results which friend will definitely compare with me. i try to be acceptive of different ways of working but i cannot compromise when she just anyhow. like there are fucking rules and regulations right. it's so hard to fit in. i have to be cheery and strict and firm and able to pai ma pi all at the same time like how??? like how??????
my co-workers are really friendly and cheery but i cannot do that. it's not me. i will put in my best into the job and own up to my mistakes but please be fair here ok. why do people get to avoid the shit duties and still get good reviews.
maybe i am over thinking here and being idealistic as usual
but i am really sick and tired of all this life. what happened to teamwork? everybody working together to achieve prosperity and progress for our nation. only the most trusted part timer gets to know all the inner workings of the company while the others stick to their routine duties? why can't all the workers know about all the workings of the company why keep secrets from each other to put yourself on a moral high ground
does this make you a better human being?
does it?
is this the way the world works?
so i better stick to my own job and don't do anything more or less. even when it comes to the kids. no being a friend to them. no emotional investment. no character development (heck i dont even have childcare training) no nothing. just don't say anything and talk only of homework.
be boring. be impartial. be smart. be euphemistic. be hypocritical. just dont be yourself.
is it?????
i love this kid so much he is from a single parent family and he calls me jie jie and asks me to eat with him it is so heartwarming and i feel socially accepted but i can't be his friend anyway
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