i cannot live properly.
fuck my life. screw it. i hate myself, more than you hate me more than anyone can hate me. do you think i like like this. i hate it. i hate living a life like that.
do you know that nobody loves me. do you know i am a pathetic useless piece of shit who deserves nothing.
i have no friends correct. i have nobody. nothing correct.
fuck. i got no one to talk to.
why do i still bother to go and socialize. to like go and talk to people. coz i suck. i want people to notice me. to notice that i exist.
why am i like that. why. is not like i want to be right. i cannot have feelings anymore you know that. i am so sick of this fuck. nobody gives a shit about me. becoz. i. was. not. in. anyones. world. in. the. first. place.
i have a own planet how cool. i talk to myself and the people i make up.
what the fuck is wrong with me.
i feel so stupid.
i was nothing since the start.
how can nothing become something.
nothing is still nothing.
everybody is busy studying.
what the heck i am doing.
i cannot get anything into my fucking brain.
fuck.
i dont want to go school.
i hate it when people keep saying they will help me they are my friends.
then why is my life still like that.
believe in god.
more like fantasies.
how many fucking times have i tried to pass a fucking math test.
how many fucking times have i tried to give in.
how many fucking times have i begged.
how many.
its not like asking alot.
fuck fine lets go compare with africa and madagascar.
oh i live a fucking luxurious life i got internet i got phone i got school to go to i should be so fucking blessed.
yeah okay. why dont you just take my place and try.
since you think i am so fucking blessed.
i am being left alone to die in the dark.
and i have so many people who love me alot.

doesnt anybody love me.

i am a wasted screwed up sack of shit.
there is not direction whatsoever in my life.
but i know that.
IT IS EITHER I COMMIT SUICIDE NOW OR START LIVING MY LIFE PROPERLY.
comminting suicide sounds so musch more better. then i can go to heaven. because i cant go to hell as i am already living in hell now.
I have so many many shit to do. I NEED TO DO A GLOG. its a weather blog. A WEATHER BLOG. and i got koushi shit to do. so many shit.
fml okay.
and i hate it. i hate people talk to me then stop talking to me. like so superficial. i dont like. i miss it so fucking terribly.
it breaks my heart. and i keep thinking oh shit what have i done. what did i say that they dont want talk to me. and i want to crawl into a hole and die.
nobody loves me.

I HATE YOU. YOU ARE NOT MY MOTHER. FUCK YOU.
FUCK IT YOU SCREWED MY LIFE AND NOW I AM SCREWING IT EVEN MORE HARHARHAR.
YOU WANNA SEE WHO SCREW IT UP MORE.
COZ ITLL BE ME. I WILL BE THE ONE WHO SCREWED MY LIFE THE MOST TYVM. I WIN. WO YING LE.
do you know how much i want to die because of you. because of you. what you have done. what you have done that made me do what i did. and now it is too late to correct the mistakes to right the wrongs. and i want to die so badly and i cannot concentrate on whatever shit i have to do now you know. you know. you know. you know.
coz you come then you give a shit about me then you go then you come and take away every single thing i have. i am just a empty piece of shit now. i have no feelings anymore. i have nothing. NOTHING AT ALL.

i am going to die of sadness. of sorrow. of rejection. of crushed hopes and shattered dreams. of hurt. of pain. of poverty. of inferiority. of stoopitdity. of loneliness. of solitude. of emptyness. of fear. (oh yeah f words are disgusting ok. like fear, fact, false hope and failure. )
is all the on top not enough to kill a thing alive of dieded.

i wish i was dead.

can you please talk to me. please.

empty-ness

my life sucks. today is the saddest day of my life. i wish i was dead, then i do not have to face any shit anymore for eternity. isnt that great. i hate being alive. because it sucks and i am inferior. in the entire universe.
cannot stand it already. pleaseeeeee. i cannot make anything right by being alive right. fuck.
i am really really really sad today. i am very sad. very very sad ok. because no one is willing to talk to me for the sake of talking to me. NO ONE.
my life sucks, i am not in anyone's world anymore and nobody wants to be together with me anymore. I am of utmost unimportance.
why? why?
because i suck. that is the reason for everything.
i need to talk to myself. coz i am the only person who will reply me right.
walao eh. i suck. if only i was a bird. no need to know what shit. what shit about oxidation and reduction and communicating properly with human beings. and wearing clothes and shoes and taking buses and mrts and bathing. DONT HAVE TO DO ANY OF THAT.
and i dont have to worry about not having a bloody house to live in a bloody school to go to and bloody clothes to wear.
walau why must do so many things i dont wanna do. why i cannot got people like. why i cannot got people talk to me on msn. why i cannot got people sms. very unfair. wei shen me. fuck fuck fucking why.
how and why and what is happening. i dont know.
should i know. should i know where to go. huh. huh. what is this shit.
why people can just suddenly forget i exist.
and they dont talk to me anymore, why.
and then the big fake smiles and stupid lies.
my life is filled with pen knives, lies and hurt. yours is filled with clothes cars and cash. can you please exchange with me. one day only. please.

fucking fucking fucking
like try living in a shit hole where everyone hates you and ignores your existence and treats you like some shit. like diarrhoea. what the fuck right my life is like screwed lah i did not screw anything up i was like so freaking nice to the mother and she treats me like that. fine. fine. FINE. she keeps saying she is not obliged to feed me and give me tuition and all this shit. it is not like i want to stay here also. i would rather go sit on sulfuric acid ok. why is my mother like this.
i hate my life. fuck. like why cant i die when i want to and why must i live like some shit like that. i am so sad. got anyone give a shit anot. i also not in their world anymore already. they dont want to be together with me anymore already.
i am so sad. where is the love? there is no love there is only pain hate fear and rejection here. and i cannot do anything. coz i suck. that is the explanation to everything. hahahaha.
and there is still got math test, and i going to get f9 again, even though i like studied my shit off. still cannot. if still cannot i am going to get retained lah hahaha. already failed two terms. see what the mother say. throw me out better then i dont need to see you you dont need to see me also right. then good. isnt that like what you wanted always. like didnt you always wished i had not been born. yeah i also wished.