so like it's getting better now and i like this cca now. can't say i love it because i still feel inferior to the rest of them and the coach is doing something though not much to train us but at least some affirmative action is taken
so i get damn envious and jealous of all the other debaters when they talk about the antics of the coach or how their last training session went etc etc because i want so much to be part of it ( for what i dont know, to get a sense of identity i think? as a debater, have some nice memories about debates as i did in SN library society) i don't feel the sense of affection for the coach as the rest of the j2s debaters do. nor do i feel much for the teachers in charge.
but the situation is improving. i hope it can continue improving.
want to really thank the new teachers in charge (dangerous to mention names here so i'll just use initials) Mr N.K and Miss Y. they have put in so much effort and let me go for the NUS-SCWO competition and miracles of miracles i got Best Speaker for one of the rounds against RVHS.
so I've made some really nice friends from the J1 batch - my team members and they're really nice and funny people who are really good at debating and have helped me so much in debating
and also my cca batch mates whom I've talked to more this year who i find are really funny and friendly too
' the opposition's case is as flawed as Lady Gaga's fashion sense"
"We demand an answer!'
"Point M'am. are you single? Because I'm available"
these were the really interesting and witty things the debaters said and i am really thankful to be friends with these people that came up with such interesting remarks
I hope this CCA can be more united and create more memories like this in future
I will love is so much and gush about it to everyone I know
i am going to join more competitions even if I dont win because i want to grow as a debater
i realise i have been a moody grumpy person last year (partly because I wasn't given opportunities like the other people and i felt worthless and shit felt so inferior and left out) expected to much of the school and the teachers and the coach.
is it better to not expect anything?
i have tried to ask the coach why didnt he give a shit about the rest of us last year ( he only trained 6-9 out of the 33 2012 j1 debates batch last year
he said something like there were time constraints and resources constraints so it was more pragmatic for him to focus on the more promising ones so the more reserved ones like myself didnt get the chance
so? it's okay for him to do that? okay for him to leave us hanging there? going around under this facade of a 'debater'? seriously
sending others for a competition because they were good because he trained them and not us because we suck because we did not have any training
oh ok LOL
so just fuck our lives then
blame it on the situation, blame it on fate, blame it on destiny, blame it on the lack of resources
so easy to minimize the blame but the damage is done and its irreversible ok
i am angsty now lol need to stop my brain from thinking so much
cant write too much of my personal opinions cant say too much
if not i'll see the principal soon
then i'll probably die
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