I know now most of things are my fault my deserve. So I am not going to ask, what did I do to deserve this? Instead, I will ask what should I do in order to not deserve this? Yup. Sorry for flaming you. I suck. You can put the blame on me. Mostly it is for my own good. Therefore. I will put in effort and do you proud. I have I goal. I hope. I dont know what I have. Now I know. I have a lot. Thank you for making me realise that. It may sound unreal untrue but I love you. This part is for my own reference. But the above, is reliable. Is truth.

i do not want this shit to be me either.
you think i like?
you think i like to smile is it? you think i like to go to school and get suaned. or go tuition and feel like animal? you think i like stay here. you think i like alive. you think i like. you think very nice. you think. everyday worry like shit, what if i cannot get into that jc how.HOW HOW HOW HOW. then i should go and die. then how to die. i die i unfillal. FUCKING HELL I NEVER ASKED TO BE ALIVE DAMMIT.
why is it wrong to like persist in what you love. why is it wrong. the purpose of life is to die. go school. the bloody system filters who gets to work in the toilets cleaning up shit and piss and who gets to sit in a bloody office and fight over who gets the family dog or something. or who marries who. or whatever shit that is. so do these people deserve it. just because they cannot express themselves on bloody paper they have to clean shit forever. and yes i am just saying this because this is my future. happy. if not i would not bother and would probably be shitting all over the place because someone will clean the shit. my shit. shiok right. where is the shit about being the servant. this is rubbish. however i am the real rubbish because i am the minority. minority is rubbish.
why must i feel indebted. i hate this feeling okay. you good to me because you want me good to you is it. if not you scold me say i bad woman mad woman easy come go thats just how you live take take take it all but you never give. i think this song is patriotic. like the person dying for the country. want take grenade. want throw hand on blade. want jump in front of train. but country dont want save him cause he minority. one person only. yup. my literature is bloody good like shit. thank you. whassa point. everytime ask me this. the point is that i am alive still alive.
but i dont want to be. i mean it.
i am very angry now. i hate my life. or is it a life. but it is not even precious. why didnt you abort me.
you born me to make you sad. then make me sad. then make everybody sad. whole world sad sad place.
very nice is it?
very fun?
everyday man, i feel like dying oh shit. i hate to go to school and still understand no shit. i feel like i wasting your money that you earned with blood sweat and tears you know? i am a wastrel. no need to forgive me. because i can never change. and i hate myself more than you can ever do. so finally, in a way, i am the majority.

hello blogger.
this is for my own reference. any coincidence to living material is not coincidental. ah shit. can i say fuck. can you invent another word that i can say to represent worst feelings than just FUCK. because fuck is a major major understatement.
i got diarrhoea everyday. fuck fuck bloody fuck. ah that felt better. i have a great life. fucking perfect please. i got school anxiety. no i got maggots in my stomach okay. then i can faster die slowly and people will visit me and i can live at least some days of my life in like bliss. i feel is good to have like seven days of bliss then compared to like fifty years of misery ( i going to die at like maybe sixty six unless i got nice happy familee. or my either parent die then i will together die with him/her. ) i got extreme body failure can. shit. why is this happening. i never commit enough i never do enough good deeds karma or what shit. i dont disturb you you dont disturb me okay. i dont nice to you you also dont nice to me lah okay can please. if not you nice then i not nice enough back then how you will hate me forever and ever and got bad bad impression of me then how. or i nice to you you not nice enought back i hate you also not nice right. i hate alot of people okay. so i suck. this is the answer to all questions. until the questions become rhetorical. yah. answer is cause i suck. okay very good. i dont get it lah. please.
i hate studying. i cannot study. i cannot function. i want coma for seventeen years. then i wake up everything will be nice. then i can be reborned. i got split personality i think. no i dont think. in short i hate my life and everything about me myself and i. i am not going to talk about God anymore. i have no right.

you stole my loneliness

i miss you.

Imagine the Miss Universe of the yar 226, 378.
You cant do it. Your brain cant process it.

Imagine the human race was wiped out now.
the world would be left in ruins right.
factories left running, cars left running. probably be a fire.
but if the human race was wiped out 2000 years ago earth would stay the same. no change.
see where we are heading to. no one has time anymore.
only humans have time. animals do not have time. with time our lives sucks.
it is not improving it is getting worse. so what we got nicer clothes to wear. got nicer food to eat. make people greedy and materialistic only. then got ion orchard. everything overpriced. because time is directly proportional to price. if last time we can live in trees and have more types of friends. maybe we can talk to deer and squirrels. and no need to learn math. and earth no need have polluted air. then no need talk about environmental protection. then no need recycled materials. like what the shit right. recycled materials expensive like fuck who can afford it everyone os so shitass poor can. then recycled for what for rich people to buy only then say what oh my god bless your heart youre doing so much for mother earth. when they are taking up so much of the world's wealth for themselves. and the poor are blamed for taking up worlds resources because they cannot afford recycled stuff. and no need have money. money is written by machines. how to make money. i want to buy some money also can. so now i very scared. the world is ending bit by bit. its so day of the triffids. what if i live to see that man. shit man. go and read this book 'girlfriend in a coma' by Douglas Coupland. very nice. like best book ever.
everyone is rushing for better jobs earning more money living in bigger houses. shit. i dont want to do that. dont want to live for that.
must get a1 then got future. future = more money. is it.
shit lah. whole day talk about this.
do we really own 80% of the world's wealth
anyway. yup. got holidays.
to do list:
nothing.

and i dont like the advertisment on the trains. the one talking about how to look out for suspicious characters people who act nervously when they're on the train. then leave a big black bag behind. dont let him leave! says the advertisment. very monotonously. the whole thing is monotonous and fake.
if i were a terrorist would i act nevously for people to alert the staff. no right. i would pretend i really forgot and maybe even leave my handphone behind so people wont suspect right. act nervously for what. think i stupid is it.

you'll fall back in love eventually

i wish i can have oral everyday too.
and today got learn new word.

观棋不语真君子, 落子无悔大丈夫

look at the chess pieces and dont say anything is a real good gentleman.
lose already wont have regrets so is a big hero.

cannot find on google baidu.
is a phrase that came out of chess player's mouth.

Also got,
观棋不语真君子, 落子无悔是小人
观棋不语真君子, 离手无悔大丈夫
观棋不语真君子, 落子无悔是玩玩

thanks.

我要的只是你陪在我身边

Doesnt dao that im from saint nicks i'm fucking smart can afford lots of expensive tuition filthy rich have perfect lives etc. Ok. Doesnt mean I dont suck at maths. Maybe I cheated at psle. Or the markers were drunk when they marked my paper. So now I am here when I should not be. Does that mean that if I am from north vista seng kang pei hwa you will care about me more help me more in math. You think I never mug like shit for this fucking subject is it. Do I look like I sleep and eat and shit only for the past one year. Well. You once said that you dislike schools that have only one race. Eg saint nicks. We are a chinese school. So you assume all of us are racist kias. We are materialistic bitches who will get whatever we as long as we whine for it or something. Is that truly your impression of us? Why do we do well at o levels. Tell me. It is not because we are fucking rich. Can afford expensive tuition. Are bitches who care only for ourselves. FUCK IT. We dont sit when we take public transport. We return our tray at macdonalds kfc mos burger and so on fast food restaurants. We even wipe the table after we eat. Do we bring food into tuition centres. And litter the place. Rhetorical question aint it! The number of hours of proper sleep we have in a week can be counted with ten fingers each finger representing a one. St nicks has nice awesome teachers who will stay back till eight o clock at night to help us who will sacrifice their holidays and recesses to teach us. They do not give up on students who have never gotten more than a C6 for maths since secondary one. Even they do not give up on us who are you a tuition teacher who claims that you do not cherry pick to give up on us. Just you wait. I am going to get an A1 for math. Do you get it. Yes. Me. A mother fucking A1 for mathematics. And do I look like I am laughing over the fact that I am going to fail my o levels. Is it very funny that I am wasting my parents money like that. Or is it very funny that I never improve here and still continue coming. Hahaha. Do I find it very funny. Yes I do. I am mad. I may suck at math but I know the importance of money. It can make you decide to save or leave someone to die for o's. Behold the power of money! Would it be better if I just go fuck myself and die? Is that what you are implying. I am going to exploit you and ask you questions. I will raise my hands up and ask retarded questions like x+tanx can I factorise out the x. Because I paid my fees. Because you are a good teacher who will raise never leave me in the lurch. Right. Never again will I be embarrassed about asking such questions. Because nothing is more important than o levels. Not even self esteem. Not even humiliation. Not even getting accused.
Yes. Ftw. Fuck the world. I am going to get A1 for math.