the source of depression i found it

How Social Media Can Make You Very Unhappy
You log on to Facebook and scroll through the feeds on your home page. But after a few minutes of reading, you start getting more aggravated by what you see. People who didn’t work as hard as you in school are now more successful than you. You start questioning your life. You wonder what happened, how did it get so wrong? And it is at that moment you realise that you’re not happy with your life. Stop for a moment and consider this:
A study by sociologists, Hui-Tzu Grace Chou and Nicholas Edge, has shown that the amount of time spent on social media is proportionate to the amount of negativity a person has in his outlook on life. 425 students at Utah Valley University were asked in a questionnaire to agree with statements such as “Life is fair” and “Many of my friends have a better life than me”. They were also asked the amount of time they spend on Facebook, the number of Facebook friends they have, and the number of friends they have actually met in real life.
They saw a pattern emerging of course. Students who thought life wasn’t life and assumed that their friends have better lives than them are people who spend a lot more time on Facebook. They perceive Facebook feeds to be proper representations of how their friends are like in reality. But think about it: the feeds people post usually represent only a small percentage of their lives. We can manipulate Facebook posts to our advantage, exaggerating every small issue, or ignoring negativity altogether. Sadly, viewers still take this very literally, believing that happiness is a constant in their friends’ lives.
On the other hand, the students who spend very little time on Facebook are less likely to be unhappy. They are also more likely to be happier and “satisfied” with their life. So what’s our take on this?
1) Before you get on FB AGAIN, try not to. If you feel you must stay “updated,” then at least limit the number of times you log on or how long you’re on for.
2) REMEMBER: people only like highlighting what fun they have, how many friends they have and how popular they are. No one really shows every side of their lives, like problems they may have. So before you think they have it good, remember that it may all just be a smokescreen.
3) If you can’t beat them, JOIN THEM. Why not focus on the positives in your life too? Take photo ops or create your own. Capturing and sharing any small occasion, like even a nice long lunch with colleagues, may seem insignificant at first, but you’ll slowly realise that things aren’t that bad after all.
To quell all these negative feelings, you should spend as little time as you can on Facebook. Instead, make plans with your real friends and live your life. You’ll find yourself much happier.

-http://lifestyle.sg.88db.com/featured/how-social-media-can-make-you-very-unhappy/

i like this website
teaches me how to live life
i have no life
i need lifestyle websites

IN OTHER NEWS

we are a mix of shit
we are happy and sad all at the same time and that is good

i have stomach flu
want to vomit but cannot coz there is nothing inside

Bailamos was so beautiful

i am a shit hahaha
haven't studied
what is going on 

五月天

I WANT TO GO FOR THE WU YUE TIAN CONCERT I WANT I WANT I WANT
SHIT WHY CAN'T I GO OH BECAUSE I HAVE NO MONEY WHY IS MONEY ALWAYS SO FREAKING IMPORTANT MONEY BUYS EVERYTHING YOU KNOW
MONEY= WU YUE TIAN CONCERT TICKETS
WU YUE TIAN CONCERT = HAPPINESS
THEREFORE
MONEY = HAPPINESS
WHAT THE SHIT
UGVFIAE XUH
I LOVE THEM
THEIR SONGS MAKE LIFE
IGNITES IT
REVIVES IT
RESURRECTS IT
WHY

STOP POSTING PICTURES OF THE CONCERT ON INSTAGRAM AND FACEBOOK
IM DYING

Another statistic

screwed up and angry and tired and sick of myself and sick of life it takes everything in me not to do end this. i dont know how i am going to go about ending this but all i know i would be so much happier ending it. it would be true happiness. then i think about the suicides. the one that happened 3 years ago in my school and the recent one in NUS and i think, they are just another statistic. to be used in political conferences, to be used in seminars, discussions, debates, in gp essays, another example cited.
and when will i soon be added to that list of statistics? all of us face problems, obstacles, and they say the strongest ones are those who don't give up, and fight all the way.
but you know what? I am tired, so fucking tired, i want to scream and shout and cry and howl but no one's there.
it takes so much courage to give up on yourself and accept what you've become, a failure, a hopeless failure.
instead of living in fantasy and thinking you're going to make it somehow.
when will we stop lying to ourselves?
this is my life. can i decide what i want to do with it? why must everyday of my life be such a mundane task, an onerous responsibility and I have to do what you expect of me or feel bad for the rest of my life. feel guilt, hate myself. why do i owe it to all of you what i do with my life
i don't want to engage in anymore social activities. i can't love myself, i can't love my family. i can't love anyone.
please leave me to my solitude.
let me wallow in self pity.
that's what i do best, so leave me
see, we know the situation before us is so fucking hopeless, and we continue to fight stubbornly, for what? can we ever be courageous enough to end our pathetic lives?
yes, i hope i can. that would be the only right thing i do with my life.
i dont want a job
i dont want an a level certificate
i dont want a family
i dont want my life
but do i have a choice
all these things have been forced upon me, you think i'm so fucking lucky but these things are curses i have to constantly live up to them
and i dont want to, i really dont want to
fuck

School

so my classmate thought i hated the school i am in because it wasn't elitist.
the exact question was 'if (insert school name here) became a top school, would you still hate it?"
i know i hated the school for a good whole year but the reason was never because it wasn't a top school/elitist/produced top scorers etc academic stuffs but it lies in the people i formed relationships with that shaped my perspectives, my feelings
My civics tutor scolded me for donating $2 for the school's fund-raising and she went on to compare me to people from FAS who were able to donate $25.
then she basically gave me the evil eye whenever she saw me
so i did not have a good experience
and became a hater
now i guess its better
but still
now the principals know
LOL
the end
but i know one teacher's words does not equal the entire school
so its okay
she is insignificant to me
just like how I am insignificant to the school until i start posting hate posts
your good is rarely recognised, your bads are always highlighted

i ate shit

i ate shit, yesterday.
i like saying that. it makes me feel liberated. i like eating shit too. i feel special.
what is going on with the world i do not know see like always i am at a loss for words and i can't love my family. all i want is to be left alone, away.
i feel weird and crappy and sometimes i wished i had the courage to end my life. coz i always end up in this constant state of existential depression and i lose people i love, between loving them too much and loving them too little
see i dont know what to do, and the things i do,
they always turn out wrong
i just dont want to screw up anymore,

i can't narrate heartfelt thoughts here because somehow it always comes across as offensive or stupid and i dont want to be like that?

i like my school now and i hope it likes me too and i admit i wasn't very likeable in the past i do hate myself too, all the time.

study

i am going to stay back in school everyday and study.
pjc - simply a happy place
i think i sort of feel that now. nice teachers, nice CCA mates, nice geog tutorial friends from another class esp K who came to hug me during the mental wellness week exhibition, nice classmates, nice CCA juniors, nice random people who came to congratulate me for the win on the UN thing
when people are nice to you it sort of forms an expectation for them to continue being nice if not you'll just be left with this confusion and frustration because they just stop being nice for no reason
i'd rather not have anyone be nice to me then have the niceness stop
like how my friendships ended with 4 people i loved(?) so much and spent my everyday going everywhere with them in school talking to them on whatsapp laughing about random shit what is love anyway where has the time gone
it's really over, isn't it?
give me closure, tell me why.
why have you stopped talking to me, why has our friendships turned out like this
my best friends.
or perhaps that was a self-imposed label.
looking at the notes you wrote me, our messages to each other, the birthday presents and cards
what do they mean to you now?
i think it was a different kind of happy last year, and now another kind of happy i experience with the rest of the class. although the kind of social interaction now wasn't as intimate as it was last time at least i am talking to more people and participating more in class. no longer so close-minded and aloof and anti-social anymore which is good
but still
but still
but still
but still
i miss you damn it