i ate shit

i ate shit, yesterday.
i like saying that. it makes me feel liberated. i like eating shit too. i feel special.
what is going on with the world i do not know see like always i am at a loss for words and i can't love my family. all i want is to be left alone, away.
i feel weird and crappy and sometimes i wished i had the courage to end my life. coz i always end up in this constant state of existential depression and i lose people i love, between loving them too much and loving them too little
see i dont know what to do, and the things i do,
they always turn out wrong
i just dont want to screw up anymore,

i can't narrate heartfelt thoughts here because somehow it always comes across as offensive or stupid and i dont want to be like that?

i like my school now and i hope it likes me too and i admit i wasn't very likeable in the past i do hate myself too, all the time.