everyone is saving me. everyone is helping me live properly.
but i cant. why cant i. my life is a mistake.
it was not supposed to happen.
i need to die. now.
empty like a sack of shit.

i know what will happen if i continue with my mistake of being alive.
the days will just get worse and worse and sadder and sadder.
i must cease to be alive ):
why must it happen until likethis why must this happen to me?
自己。 自卑。自作多情。自闭。 自杀。
i really really really.
feel like shit now.
i am so sorry.
):
):

i need to type alot of f words because i feel like fuck now really. everything is fuck. fuck everything really. like what the fuck is wrong with my life. it is fucking terrible i must fucking say. i must insert fuck everywhere i can because i can. anyway i need to use a lot of f words because now got nobody care me and i need to talk to myself and using f words can make that process more bearable ):
and today is the saddest day in the 21st century okay. i need to see a fucking therapist and have anger management and emotion management and alot of managements ): it is so terrible to be me ): i need to shut up this minute and stop using fuck. okay i will stop okay. but i am very very very sad now. i am very sad but it is all my fault because i have brought all this shit upon myself ): and so i am really really pathetic now. i have officially turned into a sack of shit and it is an irreversible change ): oh how more sucky can this get ): i am very angry how. i need to go and tear alot of things up and say many strings of f words. i have become a monster ): terrible.
why is my life likethis ):
i have become a pathetic lone freaky fiend who has lost all its friends ):
yeah so.
so right.
i have a disgusting life. i need to go to the saddest place in the world and die there sadly. thats so sad.
and then. what will become of me. my life is bleak without any prospects.. i dont care if i die or what lah okay. living like shit is shitty. then what am i sticking around for. i must run away. i cannot live in a world with math and trigonometry and heat capacities and napfa and pe quizzes and hate and lies and hurt and pain. cannot cannot. okay bye. i need to do something with my life really. i dont know. fuck

I cannot anymore. I suck. I never do what I need to do. How what should I do with myself. I did not choose to be alive and cannot choose to die also. Either way I suck. Yeah I am fucking weird. Do you think I like to be likethis. I hate this. I dont even understand myself. Why. Why go have hope etc. Like Fuck. Go be(lie)ve for what. Need love for what. 'love is magical comfort food for the weak and uneducated.' I need lots of love man. Need. Hence I suck. I cant die, cannot be so irresponsible and leave parents alone in the world. I am fucking tired of being a weird miserable failure already. I know not of what to do. What is going to happen. Every night I evaluate analyse and assess reasons about what to do etc. Nothing works anymore. I am going to be always alone always, because no one understands me nor do I understand myself. I should screw myself and die. I hate me really. How many more times will I fail before I die. I cannot keep sticking around on earth alive without purpose.

i need to get out of school and go to the saddest part of the world and meditate and get over myself. i hate myself. i need to get over myself. i need to not be myself. i cannot live like this anymore. i very scared.
nobody going to friend me. likethis. likethat. no more friends already due to my terribleness, shit this. i cannot do anything lah. i do not give a fuck anymore lah okay. because i am still going to die in the end. i cannot stand it already lah. i also cannot sit it. what to do now? got this competition called the physics air race competition and it is terrible. i am going to become a disgrace to the school. no i have already became a disgrace. i am a disgrace to school man. i am the black colour sheep. i wont get dirty one because i already dirty. and nobody likes me. i am a friendless fiend. why is life likethis. why must it be against me everyday. it is terrible. then i become very weird, i cannot think properly i cannot concentrate properly. look. i hate my disgusting life. despicable me.

okay you know what. i give up. i give up on my fucking life and trying to make stuff work out. i give up on trying to pass math. i have been trying for 2.5 fucking years. it is not going to work out what. i am not meant to pass math. right. it is destined. it is fate. i cannot change it. i must stop trying. if not i will die in the process and i will never get to eat ice cream again.

there is no love. i cannot stand myself. there are seriously problems with me. then i bring the problems to other people right. so i cannot do anything correctly. how to. empty empty empty. how nice it would be if i no longer alive. i wish i was blind so i do not have to see all this tragedies all these big fake smiles and stupid math questions with ambiguous solutions and the terrible results. i wish i was deaf, so i do not have to hear you tell me all the tragedies and the sad sad truth that i am never going to be happy. and lastly i wish i was retarded, so i do not have to make sense of what the fuck is going on anywhere at anytime. and i dont have to understand myself and what i am thinking and keep think of explanations for all this fuck.
yeah i am so fucking inferior. so fucking weird. so different. like a fucking mutant. hateful in the sight of god. which is why he doesnt love me. oh shit i am invaded by satan now or what. i am so fucking scared. i cannot be normal. i cannot think normal. actually i tried to think normal. i thought normal at first. then it got messed up. now i think weird. yeah okay. okay i am a freak. run away. dont talk to me. leave me alone ahahaha. what the heck.