that girl in pinafore

okay so that's the title of the new Singaporean film that's showing on august 1, 2013.
okay here's how i discovered it okay. so i went to esplanade library and walk walk alone and be alone then i saw some chairs at the stage coz yes i just recently discovered that esplanade library is an arts hub and they host live bands and things like that. and i thought it was just another gig but there was this girl there i came at about 8pm so the event ended already. ok so this girl was dress in a long dress and high heels. she looks like felicia chin but she isn't la. then also got some other teenage girls keep wanting to take pictures with her.
ok so i dont know them right, then i just walk away and look at other things in the library.

THEN I SAW THIS POSTER. AND OMG.
I WANTED TO DIE

coz like there was this actress, Julia Tan and she was wearing my st nicks pinafore. ok at first i thought it was some st nicks event, some school thingy or some alumni thing. BUT ITS A FREAKING MOVIE
and then i felt so angry idk why, because they are like using our pinafore as a movie costume? and below the julie tan picture was a pic of cat high boys.
OMG A LOVE STORY ABOUT CAT HIGH AND ST NICKS
why
and then i felt so nostalgic about my st nicks days. like how i envied st nicks girls who had lots of cat high friends wtf. i really want to be part of this st nicks cat high culture thing. i think both schools have a very similar culture. (ok sorry if i am offending people by saying this)
then after that i proceeded to stalk the film's updates, their press conferences, youtube, their facebook and instagram coz i dont have twitter. and i read that they aim to be Singapore's version of Glee. okay why. why must we imitate something. why cant we be our own thing. basically the whole film is about these st nicks girls and cat high boys who love music and they make their bands and participate in singing dancing competition and they fall in love with each other in the meantime as well and the girl's parents object to their relationship coz the boy is inferior to the girl and bla bla bla so cliche
even the title is cliche as well - my friends, my classmates, and everything i loved. (the chinese title of the show) the element of youthful aspirations is strong and so very very similar to 'you are the apple of my eye'  and in many aspects, 'you are the apple of my eye' is better than this film. because it's more sincere. and original. i dont know. the cast didnt seem very sincere. and the entire storyline is so very cliche and kind of portrays st nicks in a bad light? so airy-fairy and lovey dovey. and the actresses werent even from st nicks? like if they wanna use the st nicks pinafore could they at least cast an actress that was once an old girl? at least it would better represent the st nicks culture.... the sisterly love, the respectful-ness, the homely feeling and all. and at least shoot it in st nicks?

they would get so much more supporters!!! not just by wearing the pinafore and using it as a prop!! the pinafore is so much more symbolic than that!!!! EURGHHHAKHFBKDJBFKJABDLJB
where is the homely st nicks feeling.....
ok then i took a picture of the movie poster and sent it to my sec 4 class chat and they were as shocked as i was like how come we didnt know that a film was using our uniform
and i asked my junior and she said the teachers and principals didnt say anything about it too
so weird
oh yes, another interesting point to note. after i told one of my friends this, she's v smart and knowledgeable and avid supporter of LGBTQs. and her first reaction was 'are you shitting me' coz yes why didnt i think of it!! what with the recent attention on LGBTQs and pinkdot etc, the gahmen wants to promote heterosexuality in the younger generation with this move! anti lesbianism and anti gay in single sex schools. painting an innocent, pure puppy love image of 'first love' in youths. using those pretty actresses parading around in our pinafores and sincere boys who love and pursue these girls with all their heart. such a fake representation of st nicks culture let alone singaporean youth culture. this is really not what's going on nowadays. or is it just me coz i'm a cynical judgemental loner.
Nonetheless i listened to their soundtrack and its quite good, the voices are quite sweet. but the lyrics don't carry as much meaning as 'you are the apple of my eye'
but still, its a commendable effort in promoting singapore music overseas. (the film got into the Shanghai film festival or something like that)
but i really wished they didnt use the st nicks pinafore like that. the film doesnt even bring out the st nicks culture

can tell me why the school allowed them to use the uniform

the source of depression i found it

How Social Media Can Make You Very Unhappy
You log on to Facebook and scroll through the feeds on your home page. But after a few minutes of reading, you start getting more aggravated by what you see. People who didn’t work as hard as you in school are now more successful than you. You start questioning your life. You wonder what happened, how did it get so wrong? And it is at that moment you realise that you’re not happy with your life. Stop for a moment and consider this:
A study by sociologists, Hui-Tzu Grace Chou and Nicholas Edge, has shown that the amount of time spent on social media is proportionate to the amount of negativity a person has in his outlook on life. 425 students at Utah Valley University were asked in a questionnaire to agree with statements such as “Life is fair” and “Many of my friends have a better life than me”. They were also asked the amount of time they spend on Facebook, the number of Facebook friends they have, and the number of friends they have actually met in real life.
They saw a pattern emerging of course. Students who thought life wasn’t life and assumed that their friends have better lives than them are people who spend a lot more time on Facebook. They perceive Facebook feeds to be proper representations of how their friends are like in reality. But think about it: the feeds people post usually represent only a small percentage of their lives. We can manipulate Facebook posts to our advantage, exaggerating every small issue, or ignoring negativity altogether. Sadly, viewers still take this very literally, believing that happiness is a constant in their friends’ lives.
On the other hand, the students who spend very little time on Facebook are less likely to be unhappy. They are also more likely to be happier and “satisfied” with their life. So what’s our take on this?
1) Before you get on FB AGAIN, try not to. If you feel you must stay “updated,” then at least limit the number of times you log on or how long you’re on for.
2) REMEMBER: people only like highlighting what fun they have, how many friends they have and how popular they are. No one really shows every side of their lives, like problems they may have. So before you think they have it good, remember that it may all just be a smokescreen.
3) If you can’t beat them, JOIN THEM. Why not focus on the positives in your life too? Take photo ops or create your own. Capturing and sharing any small occasion, like even a nice long lunch with colleagues, may seem insignificant at first, but you’ll slowly realise that things aren’t that bad after all.
To quell all these negative feelings, you should spend as little time as you can on Facebook. Instead, make plans with your real friends and live your life. You’ll find yourself much happier.

-http://lifestyle.sg.88db.com/featured/how-social-media-can-make-you-very-unhappy/

i like this website
teaches me how to live life
i have no life
i need lifestyle websites

IN OTHER NEWS

we are a mix of shit
we are happy and sad all at the same time and that is good

i have stomach flu
want to vomit but cannot coz there is nothing inside

Bailamos was so beautiful

i am a shit hahaha
haven't studied
what is going on 

五月天

I WANT TO GO FOR THE WU YUE TIAN CONCERT I WANT I WANT I WANT
SHIT WHY CAN'T I GO OH BECAUSE I HAVE NO MONEY WHY IS MONEY ALWAYS SO FREAKING IMPORTANT MONEY BUYS EVERYTHING YOU KNOW
MONEY= WU YUE TIAN CONCERT TICKETS
WU YUE TIAN CONCERT = HAPPINESS
THEREFORE
MONEY = HAPPINESS
WHAT THE SHIT
UGVFIAE XUH
I LOVE THEM
THEIR SONGS MAKE LIFE
IGNITES IT
REVIVES IT
RESURRECTS IT
WHY

STOP POSTING PICTURES OF THE CONCERT ON INSTAGRAM AND FACEBOOK
IM DYING

Another statistic

screwed up and angry and tired and sick of myself and sick of life it takes everything in me not to do end this. i dont know how i am going to go about ending this but all i know i would be so much happier ending it. it would be true happiness. then i think about the suicides. the one that happened 3 years ago in my school and the recent one in NUS and i think, they are just another statistic. to be used in political conferences, to be used in seminars, discussions, debates, in gp essays, another example cited.
and when will i soon be added to that list of statistics? all of us face problems, obstacles, and they say the strongest ones are those who don't give up, and fight all the way.
but you know what? I am tired, so fucking tired, i want to scream and shout and cry and howl but no one's there.
it takes so much courage to give up on yourself and accept what you've become, a failure, a hopeless failure.
instead of living in fantasy and thinking you're going to make it somehow.
when will we stop lying to ourselves?
this is my life. can i decide what i want to do with it? why must everyday of my life be such a mundane task, an onerous responsibility and I have to do what you expect of me or feel bad for the rest of my life. feel guilt, hate myself. why do i owe it to all of you what i do with my life
i don't want to engage in anymore social activities. i can't love myself, i can't love my family. i can't love anyone.
please leave me to my solitude.
let me wallow in self pity.
that's what i do best, so leave me
see, we know the situation before us is so fucking hopeless, and we continue to fight stubbornly, for what? can we ever be courageous enough to end our pathetic lives?
yes, i hope i can. that would be the only right thing i do with my life.
i dont want a job
i dont want an a level certificate
i dont want a family
i dont want my life
but do i have a choice
all these things have been forced upon me, you think i'm so fucking lucky but these things are curses i have to constantly live up to them
and i dont want to, i really dont want to
fuck

School

so my classmate thought i hated the school i am in because it wasn't elitist.
the exact question was 'if (insert school name here) became a top school, would you still hate it?"
i know i hated the school for a good whole year but the reason was never because it wasn't a top school/elitist/produced top scorers etc academic stuffs but it lies in the people i formed relationships with that shaped my perspectives, my feelings
My civics tutor scolded me for donating $2 for the school's fund-raising and she went on to compare me to people from FAS who were able to donate $25.
then she basically gave me the evil eye whenever she saw me
so i did not have a good experience
and became a hater
now i guess its better
but still
now the principals know
LOL
the end
but i know one teacher's words does not equal the entire school
so its okay
she is insignificant to me
just like how I am insignificant to the school until i start posting hate posts
your good is rarely recognised, your bads are always highlighted

i ate shit

i ate shit, yesterday.
i like saying that. it makes me feel liberated. i like eating shit too. i feel special.
what is going on with the world i do not know see like always i am at a loss for words and i can't love my family. all i want is to be left alone, away.
i feel weird and crappy and sometimes i wished i had the courage to end my life. coz i always end up in this constant state of existential depression and i lose people i love, between loving them too much and loving them too little
see i dont know what to do, and the things i do,
they always turn out wrong
i just dont want to screw up anymore,

i can't narrate heartfelt thoughts here because somehow it always comes across as offensive or stupid and i dont want to be like that?

i like my school now and i hope it likes me too and i admit i wasn't very likeable in the past i do hate myself too, all the time.