i really think it's so tiring to go to school and face everyone. i have to be happy because my classmates are so nice to me and asking about my diarrhea. i didn't know how to reply to the concern shown. but you know i never wanted you to do that for me.
but i want you to do this for me, ok? or rather it's not for me but i think it's under your call of duty. what gives me the moral right to speak this way? what the heck.
preparing a new face for every face i meet. everyday. being someone of many faces. but this does not mean i'm a hypocrite. i am young and do not know who i want to be, who i am yet, so i'm experimenting with faces.
what is the point of all this? i ruminate. i cannot be unhappy, i must be contented, because i have it better off then others. 比上不足 比下有余 there's no end to this comparison.
i keep complaining. when will this stop? reflected on my reasons for complaining, for finding fault with my teachers' teaching, (seems like I'm the only one who is so vexed and complains about this?) to put it in general terms, i feel that societal wants justified my wants. what the society thinks shapes my mind. what the fuck then I'm just a puppet of the society, without a fucking mind of my own.
i really cannot accept teachers who are very relaxed, i like stressed teachers. who always constantly remind me I'm going to die and the world will chew me up and spit me out if i do not get A's. and then actually put in effort to teach and motivate their students. like 'you're improving' (no this is not some building self-esteem extreme praise shit) but just to inculcate passion for learning... i love that. how come i don't feel it now? I used to feel it all the time in St Nicks with Miss Yee Lin Lao Shi and Miss Jacq Lee Miss Candy Lee and Mdm Lee but the feeling is all gone now. i no longer feel the pride and energy and 热血. i'm just flopping everywhere and doing things on auto-pilot. why make learning so difficult? sometimes i even think sucking-up to teachers become necessary, a pre-requisite for doing well. what warped logic. do i need to be well-liked to do well in exams? (to a certain extent, yes.) i need to be pretty to be pleasing to people's eyes so they will like to talk to me. there is really more emphasis on looks, physical beauty every since i came into jc.
'she very pretty right'
'he's damn hot'
'see his body'
'her legs waaaaaa'
i can go on and on. this is what i hear. and stalking pretty girls'/guys' instagrams have become pasttimes. where have the days where pure friendships built on mutual respect and trust and sisterly love gone to. i desire the warmth and love of SN. i miss it so much, all i can think about is what could have been, if only i could turn back time i'd treasure all my teachers and classmates, participate actively in class activities.
will it be the same for pj. will i desire its touch and hoard its foolscap papers and wear its shirts (almost) everywhere i go.
i have repeatedly complained to many people about the way things are and they have told me to depend on myself and not expect much of other people. but this very same person was the one who depended on me for favours, and i was really tempted to return her words. 'hey don't expect too much of me yo' but i try my best to fufill the favours anyway.
i cannot accept it when teachers are biased. how other teachers are so caring etc towards their students and mine isn't. then i start thinking is there a problem with me that the teacher doesn't want to teach me. (in other words, assuming) am i not hardworking enough.
fuck it. i should stop caring about the teacher not caring.
like the competition. teachers train only the best, the one with the most potential, and heck the one that's pointless to train anyway. because that's pragmatic. even if you try so hard on your own. even if you're serious about the competition and really want to win. even if all these things.
like IS. can't say anything on a public platform because that will only result in more unhappiness and misunderstanding. so just swallow it up yes. because it won't change anything.
i will adopt a 3rd person narrative.
she was just a girl, who kept complaining about him, her teacher. she did not like the way he taught. how he devoted long hours to other students and not to her. she felt neglected, she felt insignificant, she felt worthless, she hated studying.
then they had to do a project for their national examination. her teacher once again was relaxed but she constantly freaked out. she was afraid she couldn't do well. she did not want to look back at her life and regret what could have been if she had tried harder. but what was stopping her? she did not want to come off as bossy, rude, unreasonable, pestering her teacher to give her more consultations. she tried her best to complete the project. she had very few consultations but others had a lot. they were more hardworking than her. they pestered the teacher. they asked and asked. others had other teachers who spoonfed. in the end, it was uncertain if she did the project correctly as there was no time for another consultation. how late it was, how late. she could have fucked up badly. but she could only blame herself. she was lazy and not kiasu enough like the other students. she did not prioritise. she could not do with brief explanations. she needed long naggings and repetition. she was not suited for the education system. she was left behind. she failed. her friends told her she had no business taking up so much of the teacher's time, he had a family too.
this was her problem. it was always her problem, always had been. she had no right to be unhappy, no right to complain. she did not understand social norms. she deserved her fate.
OK. dramatic monologue here. in a 3rd person account. anyway if i am ever a teacher i will love every single student (unless they are really incorrigible but still as a teacher i will try my best) and teach those who are willing to learn at the expanse of my personal life and my free time. unless i am very tired and need to eat/sleep/shit absolutely necessary if not i will teach and nurture my students. i will teach them proper values. i will not slack and have a heck care attitude and leave them hanging and regretting. i will not show favouritism. no matter what. even though this is a gray area thing. i will really really help those who are very disadvantaged. (like don't have a happy family, v poor or something) like put in extra effort to help them. because it sucks to be rejected by your teachers. it sucks to have your hard work and efforts not reciprocated (or even appreciated/recognised) by your teacher. it fucking sucks.
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Sunday, September 29, 2013
socially unadaptable
i should just shut my mouth and keep it all in coz in the end i'm just gonna die anyway and it's better to have an insignificant existence than to be gossiped about, drawing too much attention
i never wanted all these you know? i will repay your goodness and kindness and i'm sorry i can't reciprocate in the way you want me to.
please teach me how to be socially acceptable. teach me the right jokes to make, teach me how exchange social niceties, teach me how to maintain relationships.
teach me to be a good obedient student. teach me to keep my thoughts to myself. teach me how to not be indignant and stubborn?
i never wanted all these you know? i will repay your goodness and kindness and i'm sorry i can't reciprocate in the way you want me to.
please teach me how to be socially acceptable. teach me the right jokes to make, teach me how exchange social niceties, teach me how to maintain relationships.
teach me to be a good obedient student. teach me to keep my thoughts to myself. teach me how to not be indignant and stubborn?
I never wanted you to do that for me
Going to try to put this into coherent paragraphs to try and make some sense of the situation, it is by far the worst thing that's ever happened. don't know where to start, how to explain or what to say it is too much too much.
i realise how hard it is to understand people and say the right things, is it just better not to say anything anymore and just keep everything inside because nothing is going to change no matter what, so why bother?
Today i had piano lesson in the morning, yup everything began as normal, social niceties were exchanged. i usually don't talk a lot to my teacher because i feel awkward telling her about my life and she will judge, i think so usually i keep quiet about my daily things (for e.g where i went today, what are my plans for holidays etc) yup then i went to the room and she told me to practise first coz the lesson haven't started. then she came in and gave me my piano certificate and examiner's comments. so i read the comments and she told me to ask her anything i don't understand. so i asked,
"how come i passed my aural, i thought i will fail?" (I said)
"the examiner want to pass you, what can i do?" (she said)
coz i always fail that, and she told me i will fail my exam at the rate i was going. i passed coz of a miracle. and before i came for the lesson i was thinking of ways to talk to her, ask her to improve how she teach me, coz i really didnt understand much before going for the exam. then i asked if she could teach me the aural again, she said " already over why you want to learn again, if i tell my other students they will laugh" then i said coz i wanted to understand the music, and have passion for learning music. and she said "OK FINE next lesson we go back to grade 1. you have two choices, move on with diploma and theory or waste your mother's money on learning things that's not necessary"
"But my sister failed her exam, so if i know i can help her?"
"The syllabus change every year, are you going to keep up with the syllabus? Are you going to become a teacher next month? next year?" ( yeah need coz i v poor)
" No, but i just want to understand it, like alphabets, they don't change every year right?" *tries to make an analogy*
"I find it very hard to talk to you, i don't want to argue with you anymore. do your theory"
"sorry i want to talk about this, can listen to me for a while?"
"OK WHAT"
" can change your teaching methods? coz my sister failed, is it coz you didnt put emphasis on the aural part?"
"ok, since you think i'm not suited to teach you and your sister, change teacher ok?" *getting very very agitated now, voice become shriekier and louder*
"ok..."
then she stormed out and slammed the door and i stoned there. ok i kind of anticipated this? then i was very weireed out and din know what to do for like 7 minutes. then i just sat at the piano and anyhow play. like i was thinking, don't waste time right?
then she stormed back in, and said "YOU WANT PLAY PIANO GO HOME AND PLAY" something like that by this time she was teary eyed
then i said no no no, sorry.
"You don't know how much effort i put in to help you and you come and criticize me like that"
"You are the only student who dare to criticize my teaching methods"
"Still can tell me to each his own (i don't understand her use of the quote here) how you know i didn't teach every student according to their ability, do you sit with me monday to friday and watch me teach? YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO CRITICIZE"
"How much i do you ask your mum, i help you plan out properly. but you dont appreciate it"
"You tell me your father hospitalized, i persuade your mum to visit him so you can concentrate on your A'level. I tell her let you stay at your aunt's house"
"I keep telling and persuading her teach you since young, i told your mother i see you girl grow up i know her character, i tell her let you continue learning piano, i know your fees are a burden to her, if i never persuade her and tell her and talk to her she would have stopped your lessons and abandoned you long ago"
throughout the ranting she was sobbing and crying etc then i was damn shocked and freaked out so i cried to and kept saying sorry teacher sorry sorry sorry one part she went into her bedroom to cry and i stood outside and kept saying sorry teacher sorry i never purposely want to criticize sorry sorry i just want to understand only sorry sorry
i just kept saying sorry can you don't be angry i didn't know it's all my fault i will listen to you i won't say all this anymore sorry sorry and i was like sobbing very hard to show my remorse and my harsh words
then we just cried at each other very hard. "This is the last lesson. I already deleted your number. i won't text you to come for lesson anymore" (appealing to my emotional side.)
then she stopped crying 15 minutes before my lesson ended coz the next student was coming.
"do your theory. i try to help you as much for the last lesson"
then i kept saying sorry. like chanting. then i did the theory and it was so awkward because she was teaching me emotionlessly (I prefer that actually) explaining a lot, i felt, more than she explained to me in the previous years. (as in the theory) but i wasnt listening at all because i was so sorry and felt like shit and just wanted to go home and call someone. she made me do the theory in front of her.
"if you don't understand, ask. How i know you don't understand if you don't ask? If students don't ask i just assume they know" (the most sensible, proper thing she said ever) like she never encourages me to ask questions coz i always ask why why why is the music played like that? how to listen to the metronome? (apparently I'm not supposed to ask that I'm supposed to know that since grade 1 but since grade 1 she has never taught me how to listen to the metronome. so i dont know how to use it. she says i have no sense of rhythm) whenever i ask her how to listen to the metronome she gets very angry and just tells me to "START NOW" (to play the piece instead of asking stupid questions) then i'll be like "why you don't want to teach me?" and i will start crying when i play
and feel like shit coz she will keep saying at this rate i will fail coz i go off tempo.
then it becomes a routine for me to sit at the benches downstairs her flat to cry and emo and clear up my emotions before i can take the bus home. every single time as i sit downstairs i remember all her de-motivational words and refusal to teach me aural or how to listen to the metronome. it's really stupid and i don't want to be like that ok? she will tell me "I'm tired of your tears you are just wasting your mum's money" you never know how much i care about wasting money. everytime i freak out about passing my piano exams because i don't want to waste money i already failed twice and i like piano too much to fail. why doesn't she understand?
she always thinks her way of teaching is correct (which is why i passed this time) but actually i had to read a 58 page FAQ on the exam website and mug like siao a few days before with my JW's help before i could understand shit. WAO
somehow this is all my fault. i never wanted her intervention in my affairs? it's really nice she cares and i appreciate it and all but i dont want it. i really dont. btw i even almost kneeled down when she sat on the chair and i cried coz i was standing awkwardly and didn't know what to do
she kept saying she's disappointed in me etc. i really don't know what to say what to do.
told my mother she said i bullied her she's trying to earn a living how could i be so brutally honest.
told my aunt she said it's a matter of perspective some people cannot take it (like she agrees my teacher doesn't know how to teach), asks about her passing rates, how many of her students passed.
coz my sister already failed the beginner grades twice, maybe because of unsuitable teaching methods. so i said those things.
the crying was really scary i can never face properly anymore it won't be the same. how to continue learning? why is it so difficult to talk to someone. was i being aggressive and rude that i made a middle-aged woman cry. she taught me since 1998 and our relationship was not strong enough to withstand misunderstandings and conflicts, and we say such shit to each other. how come we can't communicate despite knowing each other for 15 years.
Because we don't even know each other. All we share is an economic relationship. A patron - client relationship. No feelings should be involved.
can we do that? can? ok she hates me now and i hate myself too coz she hates me and i made her cry
is she crying coz she feels insulted or does she feel hurt by someone she "cares about so much"
does she care that much for me idk but i don't want it, i don't want care, i don't want friends, i don't want a family, I don't want love
why do you keep giving me all these and then take it away and replace it only with pain
"Because there is no love, so there is no pain."
i realise how hard it is to understand people and say the right things, is it just better not to say anything anymore and just keep everything inside because nothing is going to change no matter what, so why bother?
Today i had piano lesson in the morning, yup everything began as normal, social niceties were exchanged. i usually don't talk a lot to my teacher because i feel awkward telling her about my life and she will judge, i think so usually i keep quiet about my daily things (for e.g where i went today, what are my plans for holidays etc) yup then i went to the room and she told me to practise first coz the lesson haven't started. then she came in and gave me my piano certificate and examiner's comments. so i read the comments and she told me to ask her anything i don't understand. so i asked,
"how come i passed my aural, i thought i will fail?" (I said)
"the examiner want to pass you, what can i do?" (she said)
coz i always fail that, and she told me i will fail my exam at the rate i was going. i passed coz of a miracle. and before i came for the lesson i was thinking of ways to talk to her, ask her to improve how she teach me, coz i really didnt understand much before going for the exam. then i asked if she could teach me the aural again, she said " already over why you want to learn again, if i tell my other students they will laugh" then i said coz i wanted to understand the music, and have passion for learning music. and she said "OK FINE next lesson we go back to grade 1. you have two choices, move on with diploma and theory or waste your mother's money on learning things that's not necessary"
"But my sister failed her exam, so if i know i can help her?"
"The syllabus change every year, are you going to keep up with the syllabus? Are you going to become a teacher next month? next year?" ( yeah need coz i v poor)
" No, but i just want to understand it, like alphabets, they don't change every year right?" *tries to make an analogy*
"I find it very hard to talk to you, i don't want to argue with you anymore. do your theory"
"sorry i want to talk about this, can listen to me for a while?"
"OK WHAT"
" can change your teaching methods? coz my sister failed, is it coz you didnt put emphasis on the aural part?"
"ok, since you think i'm not suited to teach you and your sister, change teacher ok?" *getting very very agitated now, voice become shriekier and louder*
"ok..."
then she stormed out and slammed the door and i stoned there. ok i kind of anticipated this? then i was very weireed out and din know what to do for like 7 minutes. then i just sat at the piano and anyhow play. like i was thinking, don't waste time right?
then she stormed back in, and said "YOU WANT PLAY PIANO GO HOME AND PLAY" something like that by this time she was teary eyed
then i said no no no, sorry.
"You don't know how much effort i put in to help you and you come and criticize me like that"
"You are the only student who dare to criticize my teaching methods"
"Still can tell me to each his own (i don't understand her use of the quote here) how you know i didn't teach every student according to their ability, do you sit with me monday to friday and watch me teach? YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO CRITICIZE"
"How much i do you ask your mum, i help you plan out properly. but you dont appreciate it"
"You tell me your father hospitalized, i persuade your mum to visit him so you can concentrate on your A'level. I tell her let you stay at your aunt's house"
"I keep telling and persuading her teach you since young, i told your mother i see you girl grow up i know her character, i tell her let you continue learning piano, i know your fees are a burden to her, if i never persuade her and tell her and talk to her she would have stopped your lessons and abandoned you long ago"
throughout the ranting she was sobbing and crying etc then i was damn shocked and freaked out so i cried to and kept saying sorry teacher sorry sorry sorry one part she went into her bedroom to cry and i stood outside and kept saying sorry teacher sorry i never purposely want to criticize sorry sorry i just want to understand only sorry sorry
i just kept saying sorry can you don't be angry i didn't know it's all my fault i will listen to you i won't say all this anymore sorry sorry and i was like sobbing very hard to show my remorse and my harsh words
then we just cried at each other very hard. "This is the last lesson. I already deleted your number. i won't text you to come for lesson anymore" (appealing to my emotional side.)
then she stopped crying 15 minutes before my lesson ended coz the next student was coming.
"do your theory. i try to help you as much for the last lesson"
then i kept saying sorry. like chanting. then i did the theory and it was so awkward because she was teaching me emotionlessly (I prefer that actually) explaining a lot, i felt, more than she explained to me in the previous years. (as in the theory) but i wasnt listening at all because i was so sorry and felt like shit and just wanted to go home and call someone. she made me do the theory in front of her.
"if you don't understand, ask. How i know you don't understand if you don't ask? If students don't ask i just assume they know" (the most sensible, proper thing she said ever) like she never encourages me to ask questions coz i always ask why why why is the music played like that? how to listen to the metronome? (apparently I'm not supposed to ask that I'm supposed to know that since grade 1 but since grade 1 she has never taught me how to listen to the metronome. so i dont know how to use it. she says i have no sense of rhythm) whenever i ask her how to listen to the metronome she gets very angry and just tells me to "START NOW" (to play the piece instead of asking stupid questions) then i'll be like "why you don't want to teach me?" and i will start crying when i play
and feel like shit coz she will keep saying at this rate i will fail coz i go off tempo.
then it becomes a routine for me to sit at the benches downstairs her flat to cry and emo and clear up my emotions before i can take the bus home. every single time as i sit downstairs i remember all her de-motivational words and refusal to teach me aural or how to listen to the metronome. it's really stupid and i don't want to be like that ok? she will tell me "I'm tired of your tears you are just wasting your mum's money" you never know how much i care about wasting money. everytime i freak out about passing my piano exams because i don't want to waste money i already failed twice and i like piano too much to fail. why doesn't she understand?
she always thinks her way of teaching is correct (which is why i passed this time) but actually i had to read a 58 page FAQ on the exam website and mug like siao a few days before with my JW's help before i could understand shit. WAO
somehow this is all my fault. i never wanted her intervention in my affairs? it's really nice she cares and i appreciate it and all but i dont want it. i really dont. btw i even almost kneeled down when she sat on the chair and i cried coz i was standing awkwardly and didn't know what to do
she kept saying she's disappointed in me etc. i really don't know what to say what to do.
told my mother she said i bullied her she's trying to earn a living how could i be so brutally honest.
told my aunt she said it's a matter of perspective some people cannot take it (like she agrees my teacher doesn't know how to teach), asks about her passing rates, how many of her students passed.
coz my sister already failed the beginner grades twice, maybe because of unsuitable teaching methods. so i said those things.
the crying was really scary i can never face properly anymore it won't be the same. how to continue learning? why is it so difficult to talk to someone. was i being aggressive and rude that i made a middle-aged woman cry. she taught me since 1998 and our relationship was not strong enough to withstand misunderstandings and conflicts, and we say such shit to each other. how come we can't communicate despite knowing each other for 15 years.
Because we don't even know each other. All we share is an economic relationship. A patron - client relationship. No feelings should be involved.
can we do that? can? ok she hates me now and i hate myself too coz she hates me and i made her cry
is she crying coz she feels insulted or does she feel hurt by someone she "cares about so much"
does she care that much for me idk but i don't want it, i don't want care, i don't want friends, i don't want a family, I don't want love
why do you keep giving me all these and then take it away and replace it only with pain
"Because there is no love, so there is no pain."
Saturday, September 21, 2013
i need to talk about this???
OK SO
i sitting at the table looking at the laptop (not mine) trying to do independent studies. and there's prelims in two days why am i still trying desperately to do IS. i really really hate IS is so difficult you know??? what the fuck i need to curse it. shit man. psgpawirngplisjfxnap
i can blame my teacher for not being strict enough to chase us every tutorial for it. I can blame the cse department for not being strict about this. I can blame so many factors for this situation. but so what? the situation is still my situation and i have to face it alone. coz others also have to face it, though their situation is better. Like some students have more help etc. their teachers help them on an informal, friendly kind basis. can't stop that right. like how past candidates paid professors to do their IS for them. (see money is everything) money is so important that it overwrites education. If you can pay your way through your academic life your life is mad for you. because the education system has gotten so warped and manipulative
and most of my friends have finished theirs and I'm still struggling like a pathetic. Why?
*self-piteous whines*
another thing, my current life reminds me of this quote someone came up with
"I feel like a condom, used and discarded"
coz like i can't help feeling the competitive-ness of my class? like even friends (close friends i consider but maybe should not because friends don't do this in my opinion)
like imagine this:
Your results for certain subjects are good for common tests and mid years (like second in class)
then your friend will naturally ask you for help. and given the fact that this friend has been really nice to you, you are more than happy to help her. but then it gets to intensive and you feel like she's making use of you? coz she always asks you to study her weak subjects(which are your strong ones) together and always asks you what you are gonna study for the exam etc. like exam tips. wants to read your notes. etc
but yes you could ask for her help in your weak subjects too but...idk there's not much of a mutual learning here??
not trying to sound arrogant (although i am already arrogant k whatever i cannot take criticism from people) why are people so competitive
i really hate it. i know everyone is competitive in some way or other but can don't show it?
e.g asking people with v good results to constantly help you but not offer your help in other similar ways (without being asked explicitly to, like the person who is being helped should observe and give help and not wait to be asked for help!!!!)
and recently after exams when we discuss answers. you know how people always say their answers confirm wrong and confirm fail blabla yes i do that. then people will say "where got you always say you fail then essays come out 16,17 one!!"
and then it goes on and on ( someone denies it, says they will fail then others comfort them by saying dont worry etc)
it's just mindless banter, really. why do we still do it, for the sake of social niceties???
and i really did screw up my literature paper. perhaps that's great news for others coz they feel a sense of achievement now. i have never thought my lit was good because i always plagiarize stuff from the internet. then i sort of memorize it and write it out.
so in conclusion the main takeaway of this article is that my results suck/are very unstable/i don't study
not that i dont want to study with people but can there be more of a mutual learning if not i think it's better to just study alone and be selfish? idk
i know you learn better by teaching others but if you keep teaching others and they don't help you back and you fail in other areas and the people you help do as well as you or even better where does that leave you
wanna be some kind of tragic hero?? it's really everyone for themselves and no one is really self-sacrificial and giving really
( this is what i think of the education system)
why must they inculcate these competitive kiasu-ism values in us
from a very very very young age like 7 years old??!!!
i sitting at the table looking at the laptop (not mine) trying to do independent studies. and there's prelims in two days why am i still trying desperately to do IS. i really really hate IS is so difficult you know??? what the fuck i need to curse it. shit man. psgpawirngplisjfxnap
i can blame my teacher for not being strict enough to chase us every tutorial for it. I can blame the cse department for not being strict about this. I can blame so many factors for this situation. but so what? the situation is still my situation and i have to face it alone. coz others also have to face it, though their situation is better. Like some students have more help etc. their teachers help them on an informal, friendly kind basis. can't stop that right. like how past candidates paid professors to do their IS for them. (see money is everything) money is so important that it overwrites education. If you can pay your way through your academic life your life is mad for you. because the education system has gotten so warped and manipulative
and most of my friends have finished theirs and I'm still struggling like a pathetic. Why?
*self-piteous whines*
another thing, my current life reminds me of this quote someone came up with
"I feel like a condom, used and discarded"
coz like i can't help feeling the competitive-ness of my class? like even friends (close friends i consider but maybe should not because friends don't do this in my opinion)
like imagine this:
Your results for certain subjects are good for common tests and mid years (like second in class)
then your friend will naturally ask you for help. and given the fact that this friend has been really nice to you, you are more than happy to help her. but then it gets to intensive and you feel like she's making use of you? coz she always asks you to study her weak subjects(which are your strong ones) together and always asks you what you are gonna study for the exam etc. like exam tips. wants to read your notes. etc
but yes you could ask for her help in your weak subjects too but...idk there's not much of a mutual learning here??
not trying to sound arrogant (although i am already arrogant k whatever i cannot take criticism from people) why are people so competitive
i really hate it. i know everyone is competitive in some way or other but can don't show it?
e.g asking people with v good results to constantly help you but not offer your help in other similar ways (without being asked explicitly to, like the person who is being helped should observe and give help and not wait to be asked for help!!!!)
and recently after exams when we discuss answers. you know how people always say their answers confirm wrong and confirm fail blabla yes i do that. then people will say "where got you always say you fail then essays come out 16,17 one!!"
and then it goes on and on ( someone denies it, says they will fail then others comfort them by saying dont worry etc)
it's just mindless banter, really. why do we still do it, for the sake of social niceties???
and i really did screw up my literature paper. perhaps that's great news for others coz they feel a sense of achievement now. i have never thought my lit was good because i always plagiarize stuff from the internet. then i sort of memorize it and write it out.
so in conclusion the main takeaway of this article is that my results suck/are very unstable/i don't study
not that i dont want to study with people but can there be more of a mutual learning if not i think it's better to just study alone and be selfish? idk
i know you learn better by teaching others but if you keep teaching others and they don't help you back and you fail in other areas and the people you help do as well as you or even better where does that leave you
wanna be some kind of tragic hero?? it's really everyone for themselves and no one is really self-sacrificial and giving really
( this is what i think of the education system)
why must they inculcate these competitive kiasu-ism values in us
from a very very very young age like 7 years old??!!!
Sunday, September 15, 2013
i love this song
忘記三個月過去 忘記你的消息
忘記忙碌的白天 忘記有多空虛
忘記每個紀念日 忘記要去哪裡
忘記失眠的黑夜 忘記我有多恐懼
忘記每次呼吸 忘記每天想你
忘記每一秒都在 自己騙自己
如果我真的可以 忘記我們的過去
這世上只剩你 唯一明白
我背上7的秘密
忘記你常說的話 忘記你的微笑
忘記你在我懷裡 忘記從前多好
忘記熬過來以前 忘記每分每秒
忘記你走了以後 忘記我變了多少
忘記上次呼吸 忘記上次想你
忘記上一秒還在 自己問自己
如果我真的可以 忘記我們的過去
這世上除了你 誰會明白
我背上7的秘密
如果我真的可以 忘記所有的過去
這世上只剩下你 唯一明白
我背起就是你
忘記 忘記
want to write a chinese song and publish it and get it trended on youtube
and i miss you so much, too much and i want to talk to you so much but i can't
pathetic, yes? wasting all the time here thinking of things that will never happen = fantasizing
忘記忙碌的白天 忘記有多空虛
忘記每個紀念日 忘記要去哪裡
忘記失眠的黑夜 忘記我有多恐懼
忘記每次呼吸 忘記每天想你
忘記每一秒都在 自己騙自己
如果我真的可以 忘記我們的過去
這世上只剩你 唯一明白
我背上7的秘密
忘記你常說的話 忘記你的微笑
忘記你在我懷裡 忘記從前多好
忘記熬過來以前 忘記每分每秒
忘記你走了以後 忘記我變了多少
忘記上次呼吸 忘記上次想你
忘記上一秒還在 自己問自己
如果我真的可以 忘記我們的過去
這世上除了你 誰會明白
我背上7的秘密
如果我真的可以 忘記所有的過去
這世上只剩下你 唯一明白
我背起就是你
忘記 忘記
want to write a chinese song and publish it and get it trended on youtube
and i miss you so much, too much and i want to talk to you so much but i can't
pathetic, yes? wasting all the time here thinking of things that will never happen = fantasizing
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Elitism
Original post by Wee Shu Min
mom’s friend sent her some blog post by some bleeding stupid 40-year old singaporean called derek wee (WHY do all the idiots have my surname why?!) whining about how singapore is such an insecure place, how old ppl (ie, 40 and above) fear for their jobs, how the pool of foreign “talent” (dismissively chucked between inverted commas) is really a tsunami that will consume us all (no actually he didn’t say that, he probably said Fouren Talern Bery Bad.), how the reason why no one wants kids is that they’re a liability in this world of fragile ricebowls, how the government really needs to save us from inevitable doom but they aren’t because they are stick-shoved-up-ass elites who have no idea how the world works, yadayadayadayada.
i am inclined – too much, perhaps – to dismiss such people as crackpots. stupid crackpots. the sadder class. too often singaporeans – both the neighborhood poor and the red-taloned socialites – kid themselves into believing that our society, like most others, is compartmentalized by breeding. ridiculous. we are a tyranny of the capable and the clever, and the only other class is the complement.
sad derek attracted more than 50 comments praising him for his poignant views, joining him in a chorus of complaints that climax at the accusation of lack of press freedom because his all-too-true views had been rejected by the straits times forum. while i tend to gripe about how we only have one functioning newspaper too, i think the main reason for its lack of publication was that his incensed diatribe was written in pathetic little scraps that passed off as sentences, with poor spelling and no grammar.
derek, derek, derek darling, how can you expect to have an iron ricebowl or a solid future if you cannot spell?
if you’re not good enough, life will kick you in the balls. that’s just how things go. there’s no point in lambasting the government for making our society one that is, i quote, “far too survival of fittest”. it’s the same everywhere. yes discrimination exists, and it is sad, but most of the time if people would prefer hiring other people over you, it’s because they’re better. it’s so sad when people like old derek lament the kind of world that singapore will be if we make it so uncertain. go be friggin communist, if uncertainty of success offends you so much – you will certainly be poor and miserable. unless you are an arm-twisting commie bully, which, given your whiny middle-class undereducated penchant, i doubt.
then again, it’s easy for me to say. my future isn’t certain but i guess right now it’s a lot brighter than most people’s. derek will read this and brand me as an 18-year old elite, one of the sinners who will inherit the country and run his stock to the gutter. go ahead. the world is about winners and losers. it’s only sad when people who could be winners are marginalised and oppressed. is dear derek starving? has dear derek been denied an education? has dear derek been forced into child prostitution? has dear derek had his clan massacred by the government?
i should think not. dear derek is one of many wretched, undermotivated, overassuming leeches in our country, and in this world. one of those who would prefer to be unemployed and wax lyrical about how his myriad talents are being abandoned for the foreigner’s, instead of earning a decent, stable living as a sales assistant. it’s not even about being a road sweeper. these shitbags don’t want anything without “manager” and a name card.
please, get out of my elite uncaring face.
* — posting on her blog that has since been removed, October 19, 2006.
When I read the Straits Times article (dated 24 Sep) on PM Lee calling the young to be committed and make a difference to Singapore, I have so much thought about the issue.
I am 35 years old, graduated from University and gainfully employed in a multinational company. But I cannot help but feel insecure over the future of Singapore. Lets face it, it’s not uncommon to hear, “when you are above 40, you are over the hill”. The government has been stressing on re-training, skills upgrading and re-adapt. The fact is, no matter how well qualified or adaptable one is, once you hit the magical 40, employers will say, “you are simply too old”.
We have been focusing our resources and problem solving on low unskilled labour. But in reality, our managerial positions and skilled labour force are actually fast losing its competitiveness. I travel around the region frequently for the past 10 years. It didn’t take me long to realise how far our neighbours have come over the past decade. They have quality skilled workers, and are less expensive. When I work with them, their analytical skills are equally good, if not better than us.
It’s not new anymore. Taxi drivers are fast becoming “too early to retire, too old to work” segment of the society. I like to talk to taxi drivers whenever I am heading for the airport. There was this driver. Eloquent and well read. He was an export manager for 12 years with an MNC. Retrenched at 40 years old. He had been searching for a job since his retrenchment. Although he was willing to lower his pay expectations, employers were not willing to lower their prejudice. He was deem too old. I wouldn’t be surprised if we have another No. 1; having the most highly educated taxi drivers in the world.
On PM Lee calling the young to be committed and make a difference. Look around us. How dedicated can we be to Singapore when we can visualise what’s in store for us after we turned 40? Then again, how committed are employers to us? But we can’t blame them. They have bottom lines & shareholders’ gain to answer to. Onus is really on the government to revamp the society. A society that is not a pressure cooker. A society that does not mirror so perfectly, what survival of the fittest is. But a society, where it’s people can be committed, do their best and not having to fear whether they will still wake up employed tomorrow. Sadly, Singapore does not offer such luxuries and security anymore.
On the issue of babies. The government encourage us to pro-create. The next generation is essential in sustaining our competitive edge. Then again, the current market condition is such that our future has become uncertain. There is no more joy in having babies anymore; they have become more of a liability. It’s really a chicken and egg issue.
Many of my peers, bright and well educated have packed up and left. It’s what SM Goh called “quitters”. It’s sad but true, Singapore no longer is a place where one can hope to work hard their lives and retire graciously. It’s really the push factor. A future is something we sweat it out, build and call our own. Unfortunately, people like me, mid 30’s going on 40’s, staying put by choice or otherwise, we can’t help but feel what lies ahead is really a gamble.
To PM Lee and the Ministers, we are on a different platform. Until you truly understand our insecurity, the future of Singapore to me remains a question mark.
JS:
I hope this is useful for GP hahahaha can use for AQ
You can read the full post here:
http://www.tremeritus.com/2010/11/13/wee-shu-min-elitism-scandal-revisited/
mom’s friend sent her some blog post by some bleeding stupid 40-year old singaporean called derek wee (WHY do all the idiots have my surname why?!) whining about how singapore is such an insecure place, how old ppl (ie, 40 and above) fear for their jobs, how the pool of foreign “talent” (dismissively chucked between inverted commas) is really a tsunami that will consume us all (no actually he didn’t say that, he probably said Fouren Talern Bery Bad.), how the reason why no one wants kids is that they’re a liability in this world of fragile ricebowls, how the government really needs to save us from inevitable doom but they aren’t because they are stick-shoved-up-ass elites who have no idea how the world works, yadayadayadayada.
i am inclined – too much, perhaps – to dismiss such people as crackpots. stupid crackpots. the sadder class. too often singaporeans – both the neighborhood poor and the red-taloned socialites – kid themselves into believing that our society, like most others, is compartmentalized by breeding. ridiculous. we are a tyranny of the capable and the clever, and the only other class is the complement.
sad derek attracted more than 50 comments praising him for his poignant views, joining him in a chorus of complaints that climax at the accusation of lack of press freedom because his all-too-true views had been rejected by the straits times forum. while i tend to gripe about how we only have one functioning newspaper too, i think the main reason for its lack of publication was that his incensed diatribe was written in pathetic little scraps that passed off as sentences, with poor spelling and no grammar.
derek, derek, derek darling, how can you expect to have an iron ricebowl or a solid future if you cannot spell?
if you’re not good enough, life will kick you in the balls. that’s just how things go. there’s no point in lambasting the government for making our society one that is, i quote, “far too survival of fittest”. it’s the same everywhere. yes discrimination exists, and it is sad, but most of the time if people would prefer hiring other people over you, it’s because they’re better. it’s so sad when people like old derek lament the kind of world that singapore will be if we make it so uncertain. go be friggin communist, if uncertainty of success offends you so much – you will certainly be poor and miserable. unless you are an arm-twisting commie bully, which, given your whiny middle-class undereducated penchant, i doubt.
then again, it’s easy for me to say. my future isn’t certain but i guess right now it’s a lot brighter than most people’s. derek will read this and brand me as an 18-year old elite, one of the sinners who will inherit the country and run his stock to the gutter. go ahead. the world is about winners and losers. it’s only sad when people who could be winners are marginalised and oppressed. is dear derek starving? has dear derek been denied an education? has dear derek been forced into child prostitution? has dear derek had his clan massacred by the government?
i should think not. dear derek is one of many wretched, undermotivated, overassuming leeches in our country, and in this world. one of those who would prefer to be unemployed and wax lyrical about how his myriad talents are being abandoned for the foreigner’s, instead of earning a decent, stable living as a sales assistant. it’s not even about being a road sweeper. these shitbags don’t want anything without “manager” and a name card.
please, get out of my elite uncaring face.
* — posting on her blog that has since been removed, October 19, 2006.
in response to this
Original post by Derek WeeWhen I read the Straits Times article (dated 24 Sep) on PM Lee calling the young to be committed and make a difference to Singapore, I have so much thought about the issue.
I am 35 years old, graduated from University and gainfully employed in a multinational company. But I cannot help but feel insecure over the future of Singapore. Lets face it, it’s not uncommon to hear, “when you are above 40, you are over the hill”. The government has been stressing on re-training, skills upgrading and re-adapt. The fact is, no matter how well qualified or adaptable one is, once you hit the magical 40, employers will say, “you are simply too old”.
We have been focusing our resources and problem solving on low unskilled labour. But in reality, our managerial positions and skilled labour force are actually fast losing its competitiveness. I travel around the region frequently for the past 10 years. It didn’t take me long to realise how far our neighbours have come over the past decade. They have quality skilled workers, and are less expensive. When I work with them, their analytical skills are equally good, if not better than us.
It’s not new anymore. Taxi drivers are fast becoming “too early to retire, too old to work” segment of the society. I like to talk to taxi drivers whenever I am heading for the airport. There was this driver. Eloquent and well read. He was an export manager for 12 years with an MNC. Retrenched at 40 years old. He had been searching for a job since his retrenchment. Although he was willing to lower his pay expectations, employers were not willing to lower their prejudice. He was deem too old. I wouldn’t be surprised if we have another No. 1; having the most highly educated taxi drivers in the world.
On PM Lee calling the young to be committed and make a difference. Look around us. How dedicated can we be to Singapore when we can visualise what’s in store for us after we turned 40? Then again, how committed are employers to us? But we can’t blame them. They have bottom lines & shareholders’ gain to answer to. Onus is really on the government to revamp the society. A society that is not a pressure cooker. A society that does not mirror so perfectly, what survival of the fittest is. But a society, where it’s people can be committed, do their best and not having to fear whether they will still wake up employed tomorrow. Sadly, Singapore does not offer such luxuries and security anymore.
On the issue of babies. The government encourage us to pro-create. The next generation is essential in sustaining our competitive edge. Then again, the current market condition is such that our future has become uncertain. There is no more joy in having babies anymore; they have become more of a liability. It’s really a chicken and egg issue.
Many of my peers, bright and well educated have packed up and left. It’s what SM Goh called “quitters”. It’s sad but true, Singapore no longer is a place where one can hope to work hard their lives and retire graciously. It’s really the push factor. A future is something we sweat it out, build and call our own. Unfortunately, people like me, mid 30’s going on 40’s, staying put by choice or otherwise, we can’t help but feel what lies ahead is really a gamble.
To PM Lee and the Ministers, we are on a different platform. Until you truly understand our insecurity, the future of Singapore to me remains a question mark.
JS:
I hope this is useful for GP hahahaha can use for AQ
You can read the full post here:
http://www.tremeritus.com/2010/11/13/wee-shu-min-elitism-scandal-revisited/
get out of my elite uncaring face
old news, and i just read about it lol.
"What she said did come across as insensitive. The language was stronger than what most people could take.Some people cannot take the brutal truth and that sort of language, so she ought to learn from it.
But she wrote in a private blog and I feel that her privacy has been violated. After all, they were the rantings of an 18-year-old among friends.
I think if you cut through the insensitivity of the language, her basic point is reasonable, that is, that a well-educated university graduate who works for a multinational company should not be bemoaning about the Government and get on with the challenges in life.
Nonetheless, I have counselled her to learn from it. Some people cannot take the brutal truth and that sort of language, so she ought to learn from it.
In our current desire to encourage more debate, especially through the Internet, our comments must be tempered with sensitivity.
I will not gag her, since she’s 18 and should be able to stand by what she says.
The new media of the Internet is such that if you don’t like what she has said, you have the right of rebuttal.
Hopefully, after the discussion, everyone will be the richer for it. As a parent, I may not have inculcated the appropriate level of sensitivity, but she has learnt a lesson, and it’s good that she has learnt it at such an early stage in life.’ "
— Ang Mo Kio GRC MP Wee Siew Kim, The Straits Times, 24th October 2006
Soon our country will be ruled by dictatorship disguised as meritocracy and democracy
i love Singapore but this makes me want to migrate
no more patriotism
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