Sunday, January 6, 2013
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
happy birthday yoon jung
today we go to bunoa vista to buy decorative shit then to yew tee point to make yoon jung's bday card/book. then we called her but no answer so we wait one hour or more then still no answer so kimberly go home and me and meixin wait. then raining then we go her condo and talk to the security guard but we dk her unit number so we cant do anything and the security guard said 'unless you know her car number?' lol. so we went back yew tee point and decided to eat at the kopitiam and finally yoon jung calls back and we reunite and she opens the heavy-duty card ( quotes meixin ) and she is touched and happy and we are happy that she is happy.
then we go causeway point and tried to watch a movie but failed coz i said no. coz i got no money. coz i love to spend money. when i sad/angry which is practically everyday i will spend loads of money. so no money. ok. then we sit around and decided to take photos to commemorate this special day, 31.12.12 but they 2 shy to take pics in public where everyone can see but i got no sense of self-conciousness ( according to them ) so i dont care where i am and just take pics. ok so we went to the service lifts area and use my phone self - timer and took photos.
but there was no kimberly coz she went to countdown wif her fam
ok so i narrated the whole story. coz is a new year and i maybe should try to make proper blog entries instead of shit like last time
so i post here to reflect or pen down some memories. but i will be too disgusted wif myself to read the rubbish i type in this blog since 2008. maybe next time i ask people read for me la hor
. happy birthday yoon. we love you. then kimberly go spam the card with lots of stickers.
yay. so a great person was born on this day. yay yay yay.
then we go causeway point and tried to watch a movie but failed coz i said no. coz i got no money. coz i love to spend money. when i sad/angry which is practically everyday i will spend loads of money. so no money. ok. then we sit around and decided to take photos to commemorate this special day, 31.12.12 but they 2 shy to take pics in public where everyone can see but i got no sense of self-conciousness ( according to them ) so i dont care where i am and just take pics. ok so we went to the service lifts area and use my phone self - timer and took photos.
but there was no kimberly coz she went to countdown wif her fam
ok so i narrated the whole story. coz is a new year and i maybe should try to make proper blog entries instead of shit like last time
so i post here to reflect or pen down some memories. but i will be too disgusted wif myself to read the rubbish i type in this blog since 2008. maybe next time i ask people read for me la hor
. happy birthday yoon. we love you. then kimberly go spam the card with lots of stickers.
yay. so a great person was born on this day. yay yay yay.
Friday, December 28, 2012
God must be merely taking a divine sabbatical at the moment. that would explain a lot.
i should not feel helpless and sad. i should be filled with hope and eagerness at the coming arrival of my saviour.
OK. then i read this book - The Sense of an Ending by Julian Barnes here's a damn good quote from the book
' the key to a happy family life was for there not to be a family - or at least, not one living together'
i feel that i am without a family. i do not feel close to them at all. like now i do not live with my immediate family - father mother sister but i feel ok. i feel neutral. sometimes i even feel this euphoria. like i am all alone and can think weird thoughts to myself and feel good about my disgusting self.
and my father is losing his memory he still recognises me and my sister but he thinks she is 17 years old
and then he cries in this high pitched voice but i am unfeeling towards it
i have visited him less than 10 times ever since he was admitted in may
but i dont feel unfilial anymore. i dont give a fuck anymore
i want to disconnect myself from this family
i cannot feel the love between us maybe because there wasn't any to begin with. there were too little memories too little time spent together to allow for love to blossom
so now i am used to being alone so i dont bother making anymore friends or even to an extent reply people's messages
oh yea. and i stalked many people on facebook. on instagram too. and seeing their happy pictures i am filled with jealousy and hatred
i dont know why- ' sweet sixteen', 'outing with my babies', 'CNY gathering', and blah blah sickeningly sweet stuff
these cannot be all the events that have taken place in their lives. what about deaths and diseases and funerals
like when my father and grandmother die ( they should be dying soon, their existences are burdensome and sometimes bring about stupid conflicts and make many people feel bad and fight and stupid shit. yes when they die i will make a facebook album titled ' i put the 'fun' in funeral' then there will be happy pictures of people gossiping and talking at the funerals then now as technology infiltrates into our daily lives ( and deaths ) i will make a nice powerpoint about their lives too. then we willl play the imperial death march and they will die glamourously
and since so many people use facebook i will create an event and invite many people to come though i doubt they will but nonetheless there will be free food and it is still a social gathering and people love parties and funerals are sort of like a party with the free food and activities so it should be okay
i hope people will attend the funeral
i hope the father and the grandmother would hurry up and die
i should not feel helpless and sad. i should be filled with hope and eagerness at the coming arrival of my saviour.
OK. then i read this book - The Sense of an Ending by Julian Barnes here's a damn good quote from the book
' the key to a happy family life was for there not to be a family - or at least, not one living together'
i feel that i am without a family. i do not feel close to them at all. like now i do not live with my immediate family - father mother sister but i feel ok. i feel neutral. sometimes i even feel this euphoria. like i am all alone and can think weird thoughts to myself and feel good about my disgusting self.
and my father is losing his memory he still recognises me and my sister but he thinks she is 17 years old
and then he cries in this high pitched voice but i am unfeeling towards it
i have visited him less than 10 times ever since he was admitted in may
but i dont feel unfilial anymore. i dont give a fuck anymore
i want to disconnect myself from this family
i cannot feel the love between us maybe because there wasn't any to begin with. there were too little memories too little time spent together to allow for love to blossom
so now i am used to being alone so i dont bother making anymore friends or even to an extent reply people's messages
oh yea. and i stalked many people on facebook. on instagram too. and seeing their happy pictures i am filled with jealousy and hatred
i dont know why- ' sweet sixteen', 'outing with my babies', 'CNY gathering', and blah blah sickeningly sweet stuff
these cannot be all the events that have taken place in their lives. what about deaths and diseases and funerals
like when my father and grandmother die ( they should be dying soon, their existences are burdensome and sometimes bring about stupid conflicts and make many people feel bad and fight and stupid shit. yes when they die i will make a facebook album titled ' i put the 'fun' in funeral' then there will be happy pictures of people gossiping and talking at the funerals then now as technology infiltrates into our daily lives ( and deaths ) i will make a nice powerpoint about their lives too. then we willl play the imperial death march and they will die glamourously
and since so many people use facebook i will create an event and invite many people to come though i doubt they will but nonetheless there will be free food and it is still a social gathering and people love parties and funerals are sort of like a party with the free food and activities so it should be okay
i hope people will attend the funeral
i hope the father and the grandmother would hurry up and die
Friday, November 23, 2012
i can't engage
so i am depressed about my existence.
but i want to make a difference to my society, like what Mr Tong Yee talked about.
i have found what I have a passion for.
Unecessary food wastage in hotels, selfishness of hotel workers to their counterparts ( i know this sounds lame ) - as in the cold emotional and physical distancing la, and unfair treatment of hotel managers to waitresses/waiters at hotels. ( i know this sounds super lame but how put it in fancier, poetic-ish english? i can't
losing the ability to speak by and by as i cannot seem to engage or formulate a conversation with anybody, not just a new group of people. or after i begin a conversation, i kill it almost immediately.
so today i eavesdropped a lot of conversations. like i heard this one guy telling his friend he wanna take 4H2s but his olevels maybe die already. 15 points. wth why is he whining about such a good score.
i wanted to ask him, 'why you want take 4h2s?' ( and then laugh a little friendly laugh or make a friendly sound ) but the words get stuck in my throat. i also wanna ask him what school he wanna go. and he was talking about a level subjects and stuff and i wanted to share my knowledge on a levels but then i did not want to come off too kpo or what lor. so i also never say anything.
so yea. everyone like come together and have fun and joke while i lone around like a lone ranger.
so sad me. how do i survive in the world with the inability to communicate or form relationships.
i die right,
yeah its mostly my fault.
hate myself and hate this blog. its a waste of space and not helping anyone.
hello? hello? has anyone received help from this blog.
but i want to make a difference to my society, like what Mr Tong Yee talked about.
i have found what I have a passion for.
Unecessary food wastage in hotels, selfishness of hotel workers to their counterparts ( i know this sounds lame ) - as in the cold emotional and physical distancing la, and unfair treatment of hotel managers to waitresses/waiters at hotels. ( i know this sounds super lame but how put it in fancier, poetic-ish english? i can't
losing the ability to speak by and by as i cannot seem to engage or formulate a conversation with anybody, not just a new group of people. or after i begin a conversation, i kill it almost immediately.
so today i eavesdropped a lot of conversations. like i heard this one guy telling his friend he wanna take 4H2s but his olevels maybe die already. 15 points. wth why is he whining about such a good score.
i wanted to ask him, 'why you want take 4h2s?' ( and then laugh a little friendly laugh or make a friendly sound ) but the words get stuck in my throat. i also wanna ask him what school he wanna go. and he was talking about a level subjects and stuff and i wanted to share my knowledge on a levels but then i did not want to come off too kpo or what lor. so i also never say anything.
so yea. everyone like come together and have fun and joke while i lone around like a lone ranger.
so sad me. how do i survive in the world with the inability to communicate or form relationships.
i die right,
yeah its mostly my fault.
hate myself and hate this blog. its a waste of space and not helping anyone.
hello? hello? has anyone received help from this blog.
Monday, August 27, 2012
let me die
i have this shit infection on the same leg just 3 cm away from the old wound what is this nonsense. maybe i have a skin disease. then i will grow to have this huge tumour on the leg then i can work at a circus showing off my abnormalities. going to see the doctor tomorrow. alone. i am all alone in this. what are friends for. dont need any friends.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
what have i done with my life
and now i hate myself because of what i have done. i have this paranoia problem and i am sad and angry and frustrated everyday. i am angry and hateful of everyone i dont know what to do about this problem that is going to affect me for the rest of the years in this world.
i am so angry and sad now i just want to sleep all day and night and for the rest of the time in this bed. maybe when i get older i wont ever come out of the house for fear of meeting people i know. it is traumatic to talk to people about things because i dont know what to say and i have to analyse if they are lying a not and i have to be careful of what i say and do as well it is so difficult and i am incapable of forming good friendships which is why i have caused so many misunderstandings. well so i have been a bitch to a very nice girl because of some stupid petty things and talking about it now would just make me seem all the more hypocritical and i dont know what to do either because the girl is so nice and kind to me but i cannot relate to it and see it as acts of hypocriticism now what have i done i have so many relationship problems i should just go off myself. even if i ask everyone to be straightforward and direct to me they probably wouldnt because thats lame and stupid as well. now things will never be the same here and the remaining time in this school are going to be horrible because of my stupid narrow minded perspectives of people but i cannot seem to change it because i have a problem with people and everything and i feel so sad and angry and stupid but i cannot explain why even though i can explain it it does not make sense and i sound lame and stupid and wu li qu nao.all my close friends are going to leave me and i will die alone. the cliche stuff like ' find friends who love you for who you are, not friends who love you for what you try to be' stuff like that is so not true because how can someone love a hypocritical ungrateful bitch . maybe the person can try to change to someone better and people can love the better person the person has change into and love the hypocritcal ungrateful bitch she once was as well how is that possible i really dont want to have any friends any more because it is so traumatizing and i just want to be left alone and everything like a reject because it is so painful and torturous to think of what people might think of me and what they think of me after they know what i think because that would only cause more problems we should just keep a safe distance from each other this is so sad i will never have close friends ever again
i am so angry and sad now i just want to sleep all day and night and for the rest of the time in this bed. maybe when i get older i wont ever come out of the house for fear of meeting people i know. it is traumatic to talk to people about things because i dont know what to say and i have to analyse if they are lying a not and i have to be careful of what i say and do as well it is so difficult and i am incapable of forming good friendships which is why i have caused so many misunderstandings. well so i have been a bitch to a very nice girl because of some stupid petty things and talking about it now would just make me seem all the more hypocritical and i dont know what to do either because the girl is so nice and kind to me but i cannot relate to it and see it as acts of hypocriticism now what have i done i have so many relationship problems i should just go off myself. even if i ask everyone to be straightforward and direct to me they probably wouldnt because thats lame and stupid as well. now things will never be the same here and the remaining time in this school are going to be horrible because of my stupid narrow minded perspectives of people but i cannot seem to change it because i have a problem with people and everything and i feel so sad and angry and stupid but i cannot explain why even though i can explain it it does not make sense and i sound lame and stupid and wu li qu nao.all my close friends are going to leave me and i will die alone. the cliche stuff like ' find friends who love you for who you are, not friends who love you for what you try to be' stuff like that is so not true because how can someone love a hypocritical ungrateful bitch . maybe the person can try to change to someone better and people can love the better person the person has change into and love the hypocritcal ungrateful bitch she once was as well how is that possible i really dont want to have any friends any more because it is so traumatizing and i just want to be left alone and everything like a reject because it is so painful and torturous to think of what people might think of me and what they think of me after they know what i think because that would only cause more problems we should just keep a safe distance from each other this is so sad i will never have close friends ever again
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)