Ok. I dont want to go to heaven for one day and then be back in hell forever after that day. I'd rather not go to heaven and just try to find happiness in hell.

I cant say I hate you because I dont. I cant say I wont talk to you again because I will. 我像是一个你可有可无的影子冷冷看着你说谎的样子我是一个被你囚禁的鸟but all I can is pray and hope is that you'll stop setting me up and saying things that you know you dont mean.

What I want

Ok. Yeah. Anyway I have thought of what I want to be. I want to be a maid. Then I can work from home and have free food and bed. Just a thought of the day. What is this man. Need to go practice being alive nao. Anyway I really dont like this and everything. Because like we can never fight the system however hard we try? We cannot defeat our fate or what. I have lapsed into an everlasting depression oh shit. Actually I dont know what direction my life should take? So. Nao I am going to talk about myself. Because this is my blog. This is all about me me me. Firstly I dont want to go to school. And I dont like all the shit like for example being treated like a sack of the shit. Et cetera. Such a sad life. Where is the friend/friends? They have gone away. All this friendships is temporary and will capsize anytime. So worried and troubled. Ok. Too sad to write anymore. To be continued.

RANT.

I am going to RANT today.
Dyspraxia. So chim. The condition where you become incapable of initiating an action. I Hate to studying. Hate. Okay. I will meditate and find my inner peace. When you are depressed time is lost. So if you are not depressed you dont have to find the lost time. I want to make time feel longer. I get my time in bulk. Anyway I do not know what I am talking about. I have a split personality. Now. What is going t happen to me. Shit. So sad. Majorly depressed. Cannot I am very happy now. Happy happy happy. Stop living in self denial lah. But its a nice place to live in. I want to live there forever. Studying is not important. The human heart is more important. I am going to cultivate my heart. Shower it with abundant love. Bye. Good luck to everyone who needs it. Ask and it will be given.

i dont like to be like this either haunted traumatized by the freaking memories of singapore why am i in singapore wheni dont know anyone everyone is so far away, act like they dont know me avoid the paths i take like i am the plague or just refuse to catch my eye in the public to escape saying hi is it like very hard to say hello why FUCK SOCIETY'S IDEA OF BEAUTY
RESULTS DONT DEFINE PEOPLE ALSO.
or even the way people speak or dress or eat or sleep or talk
isnt it the way they treat humans plants and animals and the environment that matters?
another sad thing is that people who decide they dont want to die after they have jumped off. or like after they have drank rat poison. will that happen to me?
what is the point of living n a world where no one knows you
what is the purpose in life. you dont even know yet you keep saying everyone has a purpose in life. what? to degenerate the eart even more. to produce more carbon dioxide. to eat more animals. and produce clones of myself to do the same thing.
ok. the thing is that i wouldnt feel so freaking sad and hurteded if i did not help out as much. but this is three freaking years. like other people also same number of years. then why the exclusivity in treatment.
just accept it. but must understand before can accept.
how to understand.
i like wanglihong and huxia.
i want to go and watch tv and waste my life away coz i know i will never make it no matter what i do because i have shit for brains and it i smy destiny/fate to be alone. alone in the wolfpack. it is made up of one lonely. loney but strong and still alive person. still can walk properly and eat properly and shit properly and fatter than ever. yi ge ren sheng huo.
why ask me to come when i was not even needed was it to make the wolfpack larger. to just see it grow in numbers but not knowing the wolves. then whats the point of keeping it growing. if you feel that it is made up of the wrong 'inexperienced' people. yeah you train them. you select specifics and train them. the ones unselected. are abandoned for and left and the mercy of the predators. but you could have saved them too.

stoppit stoppit
like finally i am numb to the fact that i am non existent to the people i thought were close to me o r was it i was close to or cannot even use the past tense cause it never happened

i am in misery
and you know what i do not need to be accepted anymore
by this shit school or by whatever shit organization or whatever committee.
happy to be alone.
alone to be happy.
cannot be myself until i am by myself.
please enlighten me what is this.
how to be nice? comes from the heart right. the freaking heart, chong xin di xian chu ai xin.
so no need to smile like some freak. just be kind to all the humans. be polite. like that can anot. like risk life to protect others. i feel that i can do that.
why must you make it exclusiveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
define 'experienced'
or experienced=popular in this context
now go away.